Sunday, 9 November 2014

PART ONE of Harry Potter and the Curse of the Penguin

Life for Young Higgs Dumblecox in London after his adventure where he saved the great Harry Potter, now the Headmaster at Hogwarts Academy is fairly peaceful. He often pops in to the strange old bookshop located down a small passage reached by walking through the wall between W H Smiths and M&S finding all sorts of interesting books which he buys with his pocket money at the modest price of five pence a time. It appears inflation in the world of wizards has been very low for hundreds of years meaning young Higgs is rather wealthy once he vanishes into the wizard world. 

Then he starts to notice that in the world of the muggles and the world of wizards both are starting to fill up with cute fluffy Penguins. His dad Professor Brian Dumblecox putting the whole thing down to Quantum Mechanics and says that the Penguins will vanish as fast as they arrived, so young Higgs thinks no more about it other than . . . . I don’t like Penguins. . . . although he has to keep this a secret because both muggles and wizards seem to be getting more and more attached to the beasts as they waddle about eating fish and making a terrible mess of the pavements.  Then one morning as he looks out of his bedroom window he sees a flamingo walking down the road heading towards his house.  There is a loud tapping sound on the front door and young Higgs runs down the stairs and opens the door where a flamingo is standing with a letter addressed to Master Higgs Dumblecox. Well that is dead exciting thinks young Higgs and he quickly opens the envelope

Which says

Dear Master Dumblecox

For reasons none of us can explain here, the great oracle of all things which we turn to in moments of terrible trouble has told us that we need to ask for your assistance. It would be much appreciated therefore if you could come to Hogwarts academy sharpish where we can tell you of our plight. And apparently the Oracle says bring Alice and that large White Rabbit with you.  And we really don’t know why it says they should turn up, but Hermione is fuming so don’t say I didn't warn you OK.


Harry Potter


As young Higgs wanders into the station of Kings Cross he is left with a dilemma. How does he get into the ladies toilet to pass unnoticed to catch the Hogwarts Express and how does he contact Alice and the White Rabbit. The first of these problems is resolved when a large flock of small fluffy Penguins waddle up and down the platforms distracting the masses who rush to see them with small children hugging the beasts and grown adults spontaneously bursting into tears for no reason.  Allowing young Higgs to enter the ladies toilet and leap through the mirror onto the platform of the Hogwarts Express.

Its you again Master Higgs said the Station Master

Yes I have to get to Hogwarts it’s very important although I don’t know why yet

Oooo you sound just like that Zaphod Beeblebrox he was here once with his heads and all that 42 stuff. But we threw him out for drinking. His Robot is still in the Waiting room

In the waiting room young Higgs sees an android sitting looking very very very depressed

I have a brain the size of a planet you know, I suppose you are looking for Alice and a White Rabbit.

Gosh yes

Do you know I have ordered one million three hundred and forty two cups of coffee so far while I have been sat here and do you know how many I have drunk.


None of them . . . and do you know why


I'M an Android I can’t drink.

So why did you order them

They say I can’t stay unless I order a coffee at least once every few hours.

What about Alice and the White Rabbit.

I’m very depressed you know I can tell you don’t care. And your train is about to leave.

But what about Alice

Mirrors what you need is a mirror and a

With that the train slowly starts to move and Young Higgs is forced to leave the robot and run to his seat as fast as possible.

I knew he DIDN'T CARE says the Android as he orders another coffee

Settling into his seat on the Hogwarts Express he was still unsure just how he was going to contact Alice, but as the train pulled into Hogmeade Station he hears the faint voice of what appeared to be the Cheshire Cat buried under a deep snow drift saying.

Nought from the Greeks towards me hath sped well.
So now I find that ancient proverb true,
Foes' gifts are no gifts: profit brings thy none
Beware thee Fluffy Penguins cute.
the Mirror of Erised Of they You need.

Well that’s odd says young Higgs as he steps out of the train and into a very deep snow drift and a bitterly cold wind from the North. As he struggles down the Quayside to Silvers Water Taxi’s he is confronted by Captain Silver shouting at his crew, the Zombie Pirates

Stop playing with those fluffy Penguins, What kind of impression do you think it gives.

But they are well cute Captain.

Cute . . . . cute we are Pirates we don’t do cute.

But look captain they are smiling and looking lustfully at Jim the CABIN BOY.

As the Captain turns and sees Young Higgs he says HAR HAR HAR  Master Higgs we’ll ney be able to take you to Hogwarts the lake is Well frozen, but I can lend thee a pair of Snow boots, A bottle of rum and a sledge pulled by my faithful dog Lassie HA R HA R AHR A a a HAR HAR

RUFF . . . . wag tail.


Link to PART TWO


  1. I noticed that a section of your words were leaning sideways. This may be due to gravity. Luckily none of them appeared to come off completely.

    1. Letters can be like that. . . that Karl Marx was always writing words that leaned to the left . . . . . . . . .HA HAH AHAH HA hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah aha hah

  2. I'm getting a tad worried about Higgs' need to keep visiting the ladies' toilets. As for poor Jim the cabin boy, I'd make sure that his bedroom door is locked securely at night...

    1. To tell the truth it is more of a worry for Kings Cross Station because if I ever become famous, I know not likely, but if I did it would cause all sorts of issues as gangs of children invade the ladies loo to see a sign above the mirror saying . . . . Please wash your hands before leaving Hogwarts.