Monday, 17 December 2012
Cats and Cables and The End of the World
Oooooooo the world has suddenly woken up to the fact that the world is due to end on the 21st December, well golly gosh and not before time after all I have explained exactly what to expect (cheese, gulls, aliens maybe a chicken and yod) but have the masses paid any attention to my detailed analysis of the situation, no. Its really strange its almost as if they think I am mad or something and just talking a whole load of rubbish.
I will admit I think I might be going a bit mad, my spat of loosing things is not going well as I lost a key piece of paper today it was the piece of paper with a secret code word on it, apparently if we all shout this code word on the 21st Dec it will trigger a reaction that will halt the End of the World but as I say I have sort of put it somewhere safe. I am not sure where this safe place is but I am beginning to think it must be a decent size because every day it appears to have more stuff in it. The dog has said it is probably best not to tell the world that I have sort of mislaid the piece of paper that would save everyone because they might get a bit annoyed with me and shout a lot. Shout almost everything in fact except the right word.
One of the great frustrations of the last few days is that I appear to have lost more than I have achieved. The dog has expanded this principle into his own theory on The Great Apocalypse and thinks it will all come to an abrupt end not because of Huge Cheese Slices, Space Gulls and Angry Aliens and just maybe a Chicken, but as a result of me putting the world in a safe place. I have told the dog it might be a good idea because if the world was in a safe place the aliens would never find it and it would be safe, and even I could not loose something as big as the World (I think).
We also think that Harry the Cat might be in cahoots with the aliens because he has taken to watching us from round corners, lurking in the shadows and just wagging his tail. Cats wagging tails is not like dogs wagging tails, cats wagging tails is not good, this can confuse a dog who will think the cat is happy and wants to play. So I think we all need to keep our eyes on cats for a few days to make sure they are not part of The Apocalypse
I am told that another telltale sign that the End is Nigh is scrambled cables, cables of a certain length can pick up the oscillations that are emitted by encroaching doom and will twist together for protection in the same way eels do and cows when being stalked by rabbits (hang on that sounds wrong. This encyclopaedia might have been cheap but its rubbish). Anyway I noticed evidence of this effect today and have recorded the photographic evidence for you all to see.