The Origin of the word Android . . . . A True Story to Tell at Breakfast . . . (sort of true-ish...a bit)

Many people enjoying a sci-fi film or book and reading of Androids will seldom if ever think about the origin of the Android, it is after all a funny old word and an idea that can be traced back to the ninetieth century. But the real truth about the origins of Androids has been lost to all but a small group of Scientists, historians and Android enthusiasts.

You see the ninetieth century was a time of much scientific advancement across many disciplines; it was also a time in the history of man of much insecurity and political volatility throughout Europe, where one army would march on another.

So much thought was put into ways and means of defeating the armies of your enemies as they jousted for supremacy. It was into this world that a young and brilliant scientist was thrust by his countries leaders in the heart of Europe. 

Young Augustus Von Androidus was a genius and a master of building Automata, but he had said that with the right resources he could make a fully independent walking, talking and thinking mechanical man. And so the great German leadership of the time gave him everything he needed to do this, they wanted   Young Augustus Von Androidus to build an invincible army of mechanical fighting men.

Using the very best designs for suits of armour Augustus Von Androidus build sophisticated mechanical structures and mechanisms into them powered by concentric vibration activated coil winders and multilayer bimetal ratchet drives, meaning his warriors were self powered and could operate forever in theory. Added to this the use of infinitely variable cam drive systems allowed the worriers to think for themselves and learn as they fought, so they would never lose any battle..

After many years a group (the number of which is unknown) of worriers now called Androids were finally complete and a battle against an elite force was arranged as a test deep in the heart of the Black forest in a large clearing.  The Androids lined up as the elite of the German Army prepared themselves to attack, both sides waiting for the other to make the first move.  But then the silence was suddenly broken as a small child skipped across the field picking flowers.

The small child curious at the small army of shiny Androids ran up to see them and offered one of them a flower, but as the android bent down to take the flower the men of the German Army shouted at the child to go away and threw a rock at it. This made the small child cry dropping all the flowers as it ran off home. It was at this point that the Androids all looked at each other and realised that fighting and war were futile and wrong so they dropped their weapons and vanished into the forest.

The German authorities covered the entire story up as they could hardly tell the public that they had lost a army of mechanical fighting men (Androids) which meant Augustus Von Androidus was never recognized by the world for his greatest achievement.  Then a few years later someone else claimed that they had thought of the term Android rather to the annoyance of Augustus Von Androidus.

As for his Androids they are thought to still roam the wild places of the world learning and watching. Which is why folk tell stories of strange mountain men or men of the forests and remote islands, unaware that they are in fact entirely mechanical sophisticated Androids.

Anyway that’s what they said at Ye Olde Pig and Trolley Inn when they refused to sell me the all day Full English Breakfast at quarter to twelve, adding that you can’t have a Full English Breakfast after 11.30 am.