Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Brazilian World Cup Latest . . . Luis Suarez innocent claims Harry Potter



Football continues to astonish the watching masses around the world when we learnt yesterday that Uruguay have been playing a Vampire as their leading striker (for legal reasons we cant mention Mr Luis Suarez . . . . .DAMN). Of course since the ruling that players do not have to be human Uruguay are quite within their rights. It has to be said though that biting is certainly not permitted normally, even by Vampires while on the pitch and the worlds press have been quick to condemn the player. The condemnation is not universal however and a large lobby group, led by Zombies, Ogres, Banshees, Giants and Demonic Beasts has argued that it is unfair and he was merely finding out if the Italian player was one of those Italian Androids as he was convinced it(he) was making mechanical noises. They further say that Mr Suarez’s leap to the ground clutching his teeth proves emphatically that the other player was full of Ferrari made mechanical parts which is going to result in expensive dental work.

Even Mr Harry Potter in a surprise statement said. . . . . . He’s innocent. . .  Its totally unfair Vampires and other terrible beasts of fiction are being discriminated against by the international corporate world of Capitalist Football who prefer the android because it’s placid and can be turned into profitable merchandise novelty toys and the like . . . . . . Hey I sign autographs if you want me too, £20.00 pound a go.

     
  Mr Suarez himself has been quoted as saying . . . . . I'M a Vampire, I bite folk it’s what Vampires do, I have it under control most of the time, but playing against Androids just made me see red. . . .  I like red . . its my favourite colour particularly if it is dripping out of a neck.  


Please NOTE since the writing of this diary entry a spokesperson for Mr Harry Potter says he has not made a statement of any sort and this is rumour and vengeance by a person called Rob Z Tobor who is bitter and twisted because of his lack of success at writing and he is just jealous that Mr Potter is a great wizard and stonkingly wealthy. . . . . . YA SUCKS BOO.
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11 comments:

  1. Laura Clipson25 June 2014 at 21:19

    You actually make football sound marginally interesting. Well done!

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    Replies
    1. Rob Z Tobor26 June 2014 at 23:11

      I am not really a man with an interest in sport and football lasts about an hour longer than it should. Adding Androids, Vampires and other mythical beasts would certainly work for me.

      Delete
  2. Friko25 June 2014 at 23:34

    Saurez is obviously no relation to Luis Suarez, is he?
    Liverpool wouldn’t dream of fielding a vampire.

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    1. Rob Z Tobor25 June 2014 at 23:38

      I nearly got it right (sadly Liverpool were not told). . . I better correct that . . . thanks, it shows what I know about football.

      Delete
    2. Rob Z Tobor25 June 2014 at 23:41

      DAMN those qwerty keyboards, rubbish hands and a dodgy brain. . . . I think its right now PHEW

      Delete
  3. klahanie26 June 2014 at 03:31

    Hey Mr. R.,

    Evidently, after Suarez allegedly bit the Italian dude, he proceeded to "dink" the goalie.

    Gary

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    Replies
    1. Rob Z Tobor26 June 2014 at 23:00

      It strange what folk will do. . . image kicking a ball about for 90 minutes....very odd.

      Delete
  4. esbboston26 June 2014 at 12:36

    FootbaLL, thats the one where the almost round baLL is on the ground and people kick it in opposite directions? Hmm, I thought they quit doing that a long time ago. WeLL, I am surprised.

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    1. Rob Z Tobor26 June 2014 at 22:59

      I know Mr ESB it has always made me wonder why it is so popular and folk get paid so much to do. But at the end of the day it is the acceptable face of tribal warfare. I am not a fan of warfare.

      Delete
  5. Adam Lloyd26 June 2014 at 12:55

    This is hilarious. I wish Uruguay and Suarez would present that as evidence to appeal his ban. "I was just trying to find out if he was a robot, your honour!"

    Also, I hope Uruguay get to face Germany in the knockout stages. Suarez would like to try a shoulder of Lahm.

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    1. Rob Z Tobor26 June 2014 at 23:07

      He really should have used this defence, back in the past I have recollections of Eric Cantona doing something folk did not like and he said . . When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think Androids will be thrown into the sea. . . . . and he was turned into a film star. . . Confusion can work wonders.

      Delete

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