Wednesday, 25 June 2014
Brazilian World Cup Latest . . . Luis Suarez innocent claims Harry Potter
Football continues to astonish the watching masses around the world when we learnt yesterday that
been playing a Vampire as their leading striker (for legal reasons we cant
mention Mr Luis Suarez . . . . .DAMN). Of course since the ruling that players
do not have to be human Uruguay
are quite within their rights. It has to be said though that biting is certainly not
permitted normally, even by Vampires while on the pitch and the worlds press
have been quick to condemn the player. The condemnation is not universal however
and a large lobby group, led by Zombies, Ogres, Banshees, Giants and Demonic
Beasts has argued that it is unfair and he was merely finding out if the
Italian player was one of those Italian Androids as he was convinced it(he) was
making mechanical noises. They further say that Mr Suarez’s leap to the ground
clutching his teeth proves emphatically that the other player was full of
Ferrari made mechanical parts which is going to result in expensive dental
Even Mr Harry Potter in a surprise statement said. . . . . . He’s innocent. . . Its totally unfair Vampires and other terrible beasts of fiction are being discriminated against by the international corporate world of Capitalist Football who prefer the android because it’s placid and can be turned into profitable merchandise novelty toys and the like . . . . . . Hey I sign autographs if you want me too, £20.00 pound a go.
Mr Suarez himself has been quoted as saying . . . . . I'M a Vampire, I bite folk it’s what Vampires do, I have it under control most of the time, but playing against Androids just made me see red. . . . I like red . . its my favourite colour particularly if it is dripping out of a neck.
Please NOTE since the writing of this diary entry a spokesperson for Mr Harry Potter says he has not made a statement of any sort and this is rumour and vengeance by a person called Rob Z Tobor who is bitter and twisted because of his lack of success at writing and he is just jealous that Mr Potter is a great wizard and stonkingly wealthy. . . . . . YA SUCKS BOO.