Friday, 24 July 2015

HD85512b also known as Earth 2 or Super Earth and possible issues that may arise

Earlier today while busy doing stuff I was contemplating writing an interesting tale about HD85512b or Earth Two as it has become known in the press.  Humans have long been keen to meet aliens and the like and this is a great opportunity if it was just a bit closer.  But then I thought to myself even if we did meet them communication would be rubbish.  We sort of assume most of the time that because as humans we are clever it would all be easy and anyway if aliens get to Earth they would be super clever and work out what we were talking about.

Well there are two important points, the first of which is if we are so damn clever how come we have never managed to talk to other species on Planet Earth. All critters communicate using some sort of language (OK some of the tiny ones don’t).  Maybe it is possible that science has already achieved this but it is an official secret for rather logical reasons, I mean imagine how folk would feel about eating beef if the following conversation happened every time you went near a field of cows.

Oooooo hello rob what have you got there is it nice

Ah yes its a burger, they are rather popular

It looks interesting is it made of grass

No its a bun made of bread with fried onions, a bit of mustard and A meat burger


Well when I say meat I mean stuff

Stuff. . . . . What sort of stuff

Well mmmm sort of beef


Well its only a bit of meat, a tiny bit really Look

AAAuuuuugghhhh that looks like Gertrude.

Gertrude no its just a burger I mean I would never eat Gertrude, well certainly not any important bits.

I don’t like you any more

Ah sorry about that Look I will only eat sheep

Bastard. . . . . . . 

Well as humans kill or eat almost everything that moves communicating with it would cause issues so it might well be that science and the powers that be have suppressed this.

Of course the second issue is if super intelligent aliens did turn up they would look upon us in the same way we look upon Cows and think hey these critters will make great burgers. Leading to the following conversation

You can not eat us . . . we are Humans

and very tasty you are too

No you don’t understand we are intelligent beings

Are you sure . . . you have not done much

Yes we have . . .  we have been to the moon

AH hah ahah ah ah ah a hahah ah ahah h a ha hah ah ahaha ha you are funny critters the moon is just up there I mean it is not exactly very far is it.

Well we have stuff like Mmmmmmmmmmmm toasters and bombs and love a good war

Well I think that sort of proves our point. that is just a waist of a good burger. Look I tell you what I will not eat the squishy bits I don’t like them anyway, you can keep them


Now just hop into this liquidiser


So despite the human desire to meet aliens, one would have to conclude that it would not end well.  Let’s face it if we manage to get to a planet in the future will we communicate with the life on it or eat it, particularly if it has four legs and is cow shaped.


  1. I am waiting for Earth 3 or 4. I might go with Earth 2 if they fix the smeLL. Also, there can be no Donald Trump properties.

    1. I think Mr Trump has exclusive rights to all non-Earth based golf courses I'm afraid, but you are OK as long as you dont play golf or end up with a strange President . . . . . AH that second one might be a problem Mr ESB

  2. Oh my god, did you eat Gertrude?! You fiend!!

    I'm not sure this Earth 2 would be such a good idea. We as humans, have a tendency to destroy things. Plus it would take 1,400 light years to get there and I'm not sure the number 57 bus goes all the way there.

    1. Miss Lily that Gertrude was there just standing eating grass, I mean she had burger written on her from head to hoof. I know that because I wrote it in permanent marker pen.

      Now an intergalactic bus service that would be fun I can see that working. . . . . NO actually I suspect it would be rubbish in reality.

  3. McDonald's make around 4000 burgers from a single cow. Don't ask how (or why) I know this, but its true.

    I'm not sure if aliens would want to eat us, I don't think we would look appetising to another species. I bet were are either to fatty or mainly gristle. It's be like having a really rubbish BBQ.

    1. I think it is best we do not tell any cows about the 4000 burgers or they might stop giving us milk.

      You might be right about aliens not eating us we probably look like one of those cats or rats with no fur or even that mole critter no one would eat that.