Wednesday, 29 July 2015

A Tale of Two Aardvarks or Let Them (and JK Rowling) Eat Cake

I have to say I am rather tired tonight (I'm old you know) having been here and there doing things so I have decided to post an older post from my Aardvark  period, as you know I'm presently in my JK Rowling period. Anyway I need to post some sort of post on the blog because I have discovered there is a critical number of blogs per month in order to keep up and increase the number of page views. . . .  So here is one of the less popular posts from the past I hope you enjoy it (a bit)

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Once upon a time back when nights were nights (much as they are now?) there lived a large and noble Aardvark called Napoleon. He was an ambitious Aardvark with dreams of world domination and leading his army through Europe and over the Alps on the back of Elephants, yes Napoleon was also a little mad. However his dreams were thwarted by his army of aardvarks, as we can tell from the following extract from his autobiography written as he languished in a Zoo on Alba (sorry Elbow) many years later.

They were rubbish and ill disciplined  digGING holes in the parade ground looking for grubs and  not listening to a single command it was futile, they may have been good at making trenches but trench warfare was quite simply beyond their comprehension

Napoleon the Aardvark was a single minded beast and remained focused on his plans for world domination through his younger years, but he had a secret admirer a young Aardvark called Josephine. Josephine was an aristocratic Aardvark who lived a life of luxury and had rather expensive and unusual taste, particularly in what she ate. In fact she insisted in only eating cake, all kinds of cake from Victoria sandwich to coffee and walnut or fruit cakes to Apple upside down cake covered in cream and hundreds and thousands.

She would often try and gain the attention of Napoleon by taking various cakes to him at sunset and once even took a loaf of bread, a commodity of great rareness in those days. But it was to no avail, Napoleon the Aardvark was a man of few words and he would look down on the cake and say to Josephine in his gruff moody voice  . . . . . . .AH . .  NOT TERMITE JOSEPHINE . . . .

In the end Josephine got fed up with Napoleon and ran off with Lenin the Aardvark although it was not to last due to his rather austere outlook on life, but at the time folk were worried that Napoleon would be dead annoyed. But Napoleon was philosophical and told his friends  . . . LET LEN EAT CAKE   

HAH AH AH HA HAHah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah a ha ha hah ah ah ha ha ha hah ah.

OOOOooo its JK Rowling Birthday in a couple of days so Cake is Good in fact I plan to eat some in a bit covered in Cream. . . .YUM


  1. I have eaten cake with cream and am off to bed. . . Only the cat has got there first. . . . .DAMN

    1. So Rob how did it go with the cat did you get the bed back

      Well it was a fight but the cat decided to go out and hunt for small critters

      As long as it did not turn up with any

      No the other cat eats everything

      Ooooo Yuck

      Ooooooo Yuck indeed it leaves bits of intestine on the carpet. Not the nicest thing to walk on first thing in the morning

      Look I dont think we want to know stuff like that

      Well if you ask its entirely your own fault.

      Yes but you dont actually need to tell us do you.

      Spoil sport . . . .anyway haven't you got some DIY to do


      Well then off you go

      OK Bye


  2. Oh dear, It seems that I have let this thing called 'life' get in the way of my internet time and now I'm having to play catch up with my blog reading. It also seems that you are conversing with yourself once again. Tut, I can't leave you alone by yourself for one minute, can I Mr Z?

    1. I am sure it was Red Dwarf where someone said . . . . . You are never alone with a Duck. . .

      OK the only Duck I have is a plastic Elvis Duck for the bath, he is loyal and easy to look after and glows in the dark too.

      I am not sure that has done my street cred any good what so ever.