Tuesday, 16 June 2015
Harry Potter and Newt Scamander or the Fantastic Beasts as they like to call themselves.
Having been involved in DIY knocking down walls moving the living room and now completely rebuilding the kitchen it is clear that I have succumb to the terrible affliction of Writers Block. I mean the nice Mr Steven Spielberg is not interested in DIY as he can afford a chap to do stuff like that, and the film opportunities are limited. Although I could have found an old doorway leading to a vast chamber underground housing a dormant UFO which I have accidently started up and now have folk doing all sorts of stuff as they try to find the UFO and its strange contents and discover the terrible secret that is hidden within.
Sadly this has not happened and I have spent the day in the sun cutting loads of grass pondering what to write about. Being a slightly dishevelled and scruffy mad looking chap which I am sort of a bit, I am generally given a wide berth because that’s what folk do when you are scruffy. But as I pondered while cutting the grass someone wandered slowly past. I looked up to see a chap who was also dishevelled and looking scruffy and who had plainly seen better days. . . .
Its Harry Potter I said rather surprised
He looked towards me annoyed and giving me pointy looks O God its Rob Z tobor he said And I thought things could not get any worse . . . DAMN.
Have you fallen on hard times, I politely enquired?
No I’m resting.
Pining for the fiords then, I added
WHAT? He snapped back
Anyway we sat down and chatted and I apologised for saying he was rubbish at science and had a funny walk. And he said that he was sorry that he called me a complete IDIOT and would not recognize a good spell if it was written on the forehead of a white rabbit that was smiling at me from inside a top hat. And then he told me about his problems. You see he is not the young chap he used to be (tell me about it) and he is worried that a new young upstart called Newt Salamander was going to pinch all his street cred. I did point out it was not Newt Salamander but Scamander and that a salamander is a scaly lizard but he just said EXACTLY.
I did also say it was his own fault for reading ‘Strange Beasts And Where To Find Them’ in the first place and that at the end of the day it was a bit like the chicken and the egg and which came first. A point I think that was lost on poor old Harry who seemed to be more concerned about why the chicken had crossed the road, as he followed it and vanished round a corner.
As it happens J K Rowling has sort of done the dirty on Hermione Granger as well as there is a new witch called Porpentina. . . I think that’s an Italian Pudding, but I’m not sure. So if the two of them meet in a dark alley or
party I suspect there will be more pointy looks and words will be had.
The result of all this is I may have managed to get the grass cut but have nothing to write about and the terrible Writers Block sits on my shoulder like a huge wooden parrot . . . . . . still.