Thursday, 18 September 2014

The Truth Behind Scottish Independence finally revealed

Well as voting takes place I can finally reveal my cunning plan as it is now too late to stop it. You see me and my evil assistants, henchman Mr Alex Salmond and Nicola Sturgeon (there is something a bit fishy about their names. . . . . HAH AHHAH AH aha hah ahah ha ahha ha hah a ha hah ah) have been working tirelessly for several years on our very own Flag Business. Everyone likes flags and here in Britain folk just can't resist a wave at a royal person or a parade or hanging them in Windows.

But we hatched a plan to make ourselves a small (a very big) fortune by persuading the people of Scotland to leave the UK resulting in the need for millions of new flags from big posh ones to cheap plastic ones for the massed masses of Crowds-R-Us to wave at Queens and the like.

Now some of you will be thinking well you wont make that much money flogging a few flags, well its not just a few there are millions of them because Australia, New Zealand,  Montserrat,  St. Helena & Dependencies and many many others have the Union Jack as part of their own flag . . . . . . . . . so we will be rich very rich . . .HAH HA HAH AH ha ha hah ah ah ha ha h ha ha hah ha hah ah ah ha hahah ah ha ha hah ah ah ahah ah ah . . . . Yes we have this flag market well and truly Stitched Up. . . . . . . ..  Stitched Up . HAH HA hah ah a haha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ahah ha . . . . .

If our plan succeeds we plan to work for Chinese Independence which will mean the removal of the small print  . . . MADE in China. . .  from the corner of the Chinese flag.  If that cunning plan works we will be rich beyond are wildest dreams and we (OK I do) have some wild dreams indeed.

All we need to do now is get official approval for the new Union Jack design from the White House . . . sorry I mean Parliament.  . . . . . . . . AH DAMN I may have made a slight error in the design. 


  1. Er...I don't remember the Union Jack looking quite

    1. AH YES it is a technically error

      I remember a few years ago there was a JUST SAY NO campaign but now we have a JUST SAY YES Campaign too, I can't remember what we had to say NO too back then, but I remember it was something a bit dodgy. . . . Things never change . . . or do they.

  2. It al becomes clear what you plan on doing with all these pointy sticks!
    You know your sticks wont complete with the Bespoke 11-in...erm.. (what ever i called them) and so you are upping the ante so to speak and putting flags on them.

    cunning.... very cunning indeed!

    I still have a load of Union Jacks in the cupboard from the Queens Jubilee. If this vote goes through I will have wasted £1.98.
    Will Alex the Salmon give me a postal cheque for the difference?

    1. Those old Union Jacks will worth keeping so you can take then to the Antiques Road Show in a few years time.

      I think a Scottish Cheque may be a bit like Monopoly Money . . . . . .. Hang On I think we have solved the currency issue, thanks Mr H.

  3. I have a feeling . . . .WE WAS ROBBED . . . .(Again)