Sunday 23 March 2014

A useful theory for dull parties and queues

I have been absent as a cyberspace diarist for a few days and there are many reasons for this, one of the main ones being I am a rubbish diarist and no one is remotely interested in what I say. I guess there is a possibility some of you might be saying . . . . .  NO NO its not true, well not entirely true, sort of. . . . . . . . .  But I have tested this idea on the cats and have read them various entries about Banshees, Mice, Zombies, Steam Powered Ducks and the origin of the entire universe. And guess what not a glimmer of interest in any of it.  Again some of you will say . . . . . . NO NO it just that cats don’t really like stuff like mice or Lemmings . . . . .  Which is clearly untrue, however I will not let two bored cats destroy the hopes and dreams of a diarist with a very long diary, who is convinced that £245.33p is a fair price for the very nice Steven Spielberg to pay for the film rights to volume one which seems like ages ago now. . . Phew time does fly….




So in order to attract the attention of the masses again I thought, what we need is a good theory about something; everyone loves a good theory about universal stuff bearing in mind the universe is where we all are, milling about in it, and prodding sticks at it in a random fashion.

So this is it a theory about life on planets . . . . . . . You see it is very clear that life on Earth started as a tiny cell based thing milling about in the sea or a hot pool, although at that time it did not prod sticks at things as it did not have hands. Then over millions of year’s life got larger and larger until we reached the dinosaurs who were really big, yes ok there were small ones but that is not the point the biggest were big, really big. 


Something happened that then destroyed all the big ones and life forms got smaller again until life recovered and things got bigger, but not as big as the dinosaurs, but there were some huge mammals and birds. But then man turned up and as sure as frogs are frogs all the big stuff vanished, and even as I type the not so big stuff is also on the route to oblivion. In fact I think we can say as we get closer to the end of the world life on Earth will get smaller until it becomes as small as it started. Man is not that small so it does mean once man is the largest critter on the planet we are doomed. Just look at Mars they are hopeful of finding tiny single celled life on Mars, which is not the beginnings of life on Mars but the End, as Mars once had a good thick atmosphere and back in the day was covered in very large beasts until some smart arse critter arrived and said  . . . . . Hay guys Look I discovered this stuff called Technology. . . . . That is the point in the life cycle of a planet where all the really big creatures vanish and it all starts getting smaller until the beasts get so small they don’t have arms and technology without an arm or nice clean shirt is like having a car with no fuel, or Father Christmas in a Coven.   

21 comments:

  1. Very true Rob. "Not with a bang but with a whimper..."

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    1. I have a feeling that might be right, although with the present state of world politics the less bangs we have the better.....

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  2. I have bee-n studying bees lately.

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    1. I wonder if maybe dinosaurs didn't die out but perhaps changed their diet and slimmed down to other thing slowly. There are just some people I think may be semi-dinosaurs.

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    2. Well they do say (although I think I said it first) that birds are in fact the last of the dinosaurs.

      I am a technological semi-dinosaur and definitely prefer my technology big rather than small.

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    3. I was trying to imagine hooking an abacus to the internet. Or maybe several of them.

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  3. Is this a theory, or is it a 100% accurate story of life on Earth? I don't see anything wrong with your reasoning. I think you've cracked life as we know it.

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    1. AH DAMN I am sorry Sir Addman I am not sure how I cracked it, all I did was poke at it slightly with a pointy stick a bit and it fell off. Luckily I have glue so will stick it all back together so no one notices. . . . (much)

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  4. Actually, I'm interested in what you say. Cats aren't really interested in anything apart from dust particles and flies. And food, mine perks up when the food comes out.
    Yeah, I like your theory. It sounds plausible to me.

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    1. Our cats have become rather fickle about food and are very particular, refuse to eat the same food two meals in a row and demand things like toys or being picked up. The larger and older cat now insists the patio door is opened completely before he will walk in rather than just the 5 or 6 inches he needs to do it. He is called King Offa rather than Heavy Harry these days because Offa sounds a bit like O F******* (I know a bit iffy for a child friendly blog)

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  5. No no no Rob, you got it all wrong.
    Man, big or small, and even the big fat sort, is going to disappear long before other creatures do. Cats will outlive s, that’s for sure; it’s the reason they can’t be bothered to listen to us. We won’t be around for long enough.

    But cockroaches will. They and cats shall inherit the earth.

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    1. I do agree but they are much smaller than us. I think being small makes the world so much larger and therefore it's resources go so much further. I do however wonder why I need to get up to let the cats in or out when they have a cat flap which they feel is the tradesman's entrance and beneath them. I am clearly not the boss.

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  6. I think the big problem is that scientists keep discovering things.
    Just I start to get my head around stuff and we are told we are on the verge of a new understanding of existance somebody comes along and says "HEY! we have found a ripple in space." or "Light is BOTH a particle AND a wave" and have to go and have a little lie down until my head stops hurting.
    But none of these clever bods have been able to tell any of what a ~ is for and how to use it in a sentence....

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    1. Its short for . . . . ¥~ আথঊ৮ . . . . Mr H.

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    2. Oh..... damn. I've been using it in the wrong context all this time. Why did nobody stop me?! I feel such a fool now. More so than usual. hahahahaha

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    3. I do it all the time Mr H . . . . .

      I have just heard on the news that due to global warming it will be wetter in Britain over the winter period. . . Well that has cheered me up.

      As the old saying goes

      What do we want. . .MORE RAIN When do we want it . . . . . . . NOW. . . .

      DAMN

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  7. Speak for yourself, I for one, am downright tiny. I can barely support the stick with which I poke at things. Which pretty much forbears the end of times.

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    1. You might be tiny Mr Flip but you have a huge mind . . . .

      Sorry I mean you have a huge minder. . . . HAHA HAHAHH AH AH hha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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  8. Well there must quite a few people who are interested in your thoughts hence all the comments. Good luck with the A to Z challenge.

    Sweetbearies Art Projects

    Sweetbearies Art Photography


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    1. I have some very loyal and trusty followers who understand the nature of my blog and so we exchange odd bits of banter. I am starting to realize that a blogs success is having a small core of trusty followers and working together for the greater cause which is a bit of fun . . . . . . . . and fame and fortune, bright lights and celebrity. . . . . . OK I jest we are not interested in the fun bit.

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