Monday, 11 March 2013

Snow storms and an alien subterranean complex

It’s the Weather again tonight I’m afraid; just what is going on out there; there we were crossing the playground minding our own business complaining that it was far to cold again to do anything constructive in lessons as we have all started to malfunction and are going quietly mad, when we were attacked by a snow storm that meant we found ourselves lost in the middle of the playground surrounded by a white haze of white.  Esmeralda was all for forging ahead into the unknown and said we would be OK because we could eat the smallest children first. Freddie disagreed but then he is not very tall, but then again he is well defended by a group of ferrets discretely hidden about his person. In the end I was asked to save us as I am head boy and it is expected; I did think this would be a bit of a problem but I noticed I was standing on a manhole cover and so suggested we could get back to civilisation using the subterranean complex which I deduced must have been created by aliens as I have never noticed a manhole cover before.

As we entered the complex of tunnels out of the wind and snow I noticed all sorts of cables some of which appeared to be fibre optic, so we all thought this has to be the work of aliens, and it was dark. Luckily Freddie had a penknife and Esmeralda still had the cleaver from the domestic science lesson in her school bag, so our progress through the maze of tunnels (ok tunnel) was quick and we emerged into the IT department who apparently were having all sorts of problems as the internet had just crashed. This meant our class (all thirty seven of us) were able to make good our escape from a small cupboard at the back of the room.

As head boy I remained at the rear of the group to ensure the aliens did not get us, but as I was leaving the IT department, George asked the IT teacher who was scratching his head, how he managed to fit 37 people in a tiny cupboard. Unfortunately as the teacher looked up calling George an IDIOT he saw me and asked what I was doing so I explained I had suspicions that the school was under attack by aliens who might eat children and that they had now destroyed all external communications after making a tunnel to enter the school, I knew I must be right because the phones did not work either.

I still am not entirely sure why class 17HZ stampeded out into the snow screaming. And I thought just because I am head boy it was a bit unfair to send me out to find them. But luckily I found then near the manhole cover in the middle of the playground so was able to lead them all to safety along the alien tunnel back to the IT department. The IT teacher looked well shocked as we emerged from the small cupboard, so I think he was impressed. . .



  1. Snow in March Rob Z...March!
    Will we ever see the sun again?
    We may well need that tunnel to plan our escape route into the rocky hillsides, because the only explanation I have for snow in March, is that Satan is about to make an appearance...though I could be wrong. :)

    1. Satan he knows a thing or two about heat, just the man we need. . . . . . . . . Ooooooooooo hang on there is a man at the door with pointy horns and a tail and wearing shorts. Shorts in this weather and even worse with legs that would look better on a goat.

      Apparently he says I might be entitled compensation due to miss-sold PPI by my bank. He says he tried phoning several hundred times but I kept hanging up, or telling him I was the Chinese takeaway.

  2. I think it is important to note that the weather has been attacking us from sideways on today.
    There was very little wind up my way but the snow was moving from right to left instead from top to bottom.
    Just as I managed to get my head around this - the sun came out! bonkers... This happened at least eigth times in the afternoon. I thought I was travelling through time like in the film version of HG wells time machine when the traveller sees all the seasons flash by!
    Scary stuff.

    1. I totally agree Mr H I remember that film he was lucky not to end up with a scaffold pole through his body. It was very much an all or nothing weather situation and as in the slightly colourful diary of a certain eccentric I did find myself out in an expanse of tarmac surrounded by the snow from hell (refer to Miss Lily above) for a whole five minutes until the sun came out and I found myself under a lovely blue but cold sky.

      The thought dad and weather machines comes to mind. . .

  3. Replies
    1. the inner neck computers.

    2. Jesus broke the cap to my bottle of BBQ sauce so now I must take it home to find a replacement. I have been painting the outside of a building today. I stumbled and feLL off a stool onto the gravel parking lot but I am okay.

    3. Maybe the BBQ sauce cap had reached the point of stress fracture, these things are not designed for a long life and are based on the number of times the bottle of BBQ sauce may be used in a normal lifetime.

      Falling on gravel is not good maybe if you swept all the gravel into a pile you would not have need of the stool.

      inner neck computers sounds like a bandwidth problem

    4. I was sitting on too short of a chair/stool with wheels that wasn't designed for an outside environment. If I swept up the gravel then I would have to redistribute back out evenly, and that would be odd. I probably should have painted some more today, but my lower back is stiLL too sore. So I played with electronic circuits aLL day.