Friday, 9 September 2011
The Thirty Foot Steam Powered Alien Monster, Nanny McPhee and the rampant Ferret
Dads thirty foot (that’s high not the number of feet it has) Steam Powered Alien Monster wondered into school today. At first the headmaster was rather pleased, he thought it was the new supply teacher after the new one ran away yesterday after only three days.
The headmaster told Roger it was all well and good introducing the supply teacher to his pet ferret but he should have stopped it trying to mate with the supply teacher’s toupee.
Roger said it was not fair because his ferret thought the toupee winked at it and so it got a bit rampant. Apparently Roger said his ferrets had accidently got trapped under the classroom floor over the holiday, and they only escaped because someone had made a huge hole in the wall. But as a result of being trapped in the dark for a while his ferrets thought it was spring and the mating season, so an amorous young female ferret sat on the head of the supply teacher winking was more than the poor ferret could cope with. The result of which is the supply teacher will not come back.
Then the arrival of the Thirty Foot Steam Powered Alien Monster, was the equivalent as far as the headmaster was concerned as the arrival of Nanny McPhee in the movie (the second one was rubbish). Only of course it was dads (he denies everything) slightly malfunctioning robot. The headmaster did realize very quickly that it was not a supply teacher when it destroyed the French teacher’s car. It was one of those Prius full hybrid electric mid-size hatchbacks so to a Steam Powered Monster its like a red rag to a bull (why don’t bulls like red rags? ……..never mind). Still it showed dads death ray worked really well.
At that point everyone started screaming and running about waving their hands in the air like they do in the very darkest and thickest un-spoilt recesses of the jungle where the neon lights of modern western society has not reached and tainted the natural process of nature and freestyle Djembe drumming (Hang on that’s sounds familiar). Anyway it was like that but with no Djembe only screaming.
Then as me and Roger were discussing whether a Thirty Foot Steam Powered Alien Monster shouting Exterminate all Humans was preferable to a new supply teacher, Rogers ferret tried to mate with the Thirty Foot Steam Powered Alien Monster. I really do think Roger needs to find a nice female ferret for his ferret before the ferret gets him into serious trouble. This was just too much for the Thirty Foot Steam Powered Alien Monster and so it ran back into the wood screaming and waving its arms about but not playing Djembe.
The headmaster has now made the ferret an honorary pupil for saving the school. I told the dog when I got home but the dog is discussed because the ferret can hardly string two words together and still thinks two and two are five. The dog said IDIOT; I think he might mean either the ferret or the headmaster I’m not sure.
Anyway other than that it was a quiet day…