I called in to see Napoleon Beelzebub today
after school in his shop he was going AAAAuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh a lot.
Apparently from the start of October he has to charge for carrier bags and give
all the profits to charity. He is OK with this as he says people get the wrong
idea about him all together, it is not his fault if they sell their souls to
the devil and he has to punish them with eternal damnation.
He says he lets them know
exactly what they are signing and gives them a cup of tea and a biscuit and
explains eternal damnation is not very nice, for a few years of greed,
corruption and glory.
Anyway plastic bags……… Mr
Beelzebub said he is obliged to charge for single use carrier bags a minimum of
5p and all profits then have to go to charity but he said his bags cost more
than 5p so he phoned up the Welsh Assembly Government to find out about this.
The very nice lady said if you don’t make any profits after cost then you do
not have to donate to charity. Then he asked about his posh bags what they now
trendily called Bags for Life; and they said a Bag for Life must be made of
thick Plastic, but Napoleons are made of paper and the nice lady said YOU CAN’T
HAVE A BAG FOR LIFE MADE OUT OF PAPER THEY ARE SINGLE USE BAGS. Mr Beelzebub
was not happy he said I HAS POSH PAPER BAGS MADE FOR MULTIPLE USE AND THEY COST
EITHER 25P OR 50P EACH AND SO WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO MEANT TO DO. But she said
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a lot Mr Beelzebub said I THOUGHT THE WHOLE IDEA WAS TO STOP
THE USE OF PLASTIC BAGS NOT ENCOURAGE IT but the nice lady said
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a lot. Then the lady said that a Bag for Life has to be
charged for or it is not a Bag for life. But as Mr Beelzebub said to her that
HE IS OBLIGED TO CHARGE FOR SINGLE USE BAGS BECAUSE THEY ARE SINGLE USE, BUT HE
IS ALSO OBLIGED TO CHARGE FOR A BAG FOR LIFE OR IT IS NOT A BAG FOR LIFE and
the nice lady said Aaaaaaaaaa a lot but she did say he must give any profits to
charity and Mr Beelzebub said again MY BAGS COST MORE THAN I AM GOING TO CHARGE
PEOPLE and she said Aaaaaaaaaa a lot.
Mr Beelzebub in the end
said was she interested in wealth and
fame instead of a life in carrier bags
and that a life away from them would do her good and all she needed to
do was sign a small piece of paper. But she said that it was a single use piece of paper and therefore she could not
sign it without a small charge. It was that point where Mr Beelzebub
started going AAAAuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh a lot.
When I got home mum said
she had been to the NEC to a trade show for Mr Beelzebub and had seen a man
from World War One wandering about; Captain Jack Sparrow and Elvis Plus a whole
load of huge strange Elephants. And that it was rubbish, although she did see
one very cool thing which she recons would be WELL COOL in our new garden
although she forgot to tell me what it was NOT FAIR
Ooooo by the way off
drumming tonight so that’s Well Cool also
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