Tuesday, 13 September 2011
Samuel Taylor Coleridge and the large bowl of semolina pudding
The school teachers were in a bit of turmoil today it appears their lucky talisman that they all touch in the morning to protect them from the demonic children as the Home Economics teacher put it, had been stolen. Well they thought it had been stolen, it’s a bronze bust of Samuel Taylor Coleridge with an old fisherman on his head.
It became the teacher’s lucky mascot and talisman when it fell on the head of Slippery Slim the well known sneak thief when he tried to sneak in to school and steal all the pupils dinner tokens from the safe for his son. And destroy all the end of term reports after the previous report where someone in the English dept had written young master Slim must try harder and is capable of better work, and the maths teacher just said he is rubbish and has a school dinner fixation which we recommend getting help for, as they are rubbish too. He was trying do it undercover of the noise from the road works outside but as a result of the vibration of pneumatic drills, it fell off its shelf (Samuel Taylor Coleridge) and landed on his head making him scream and as a result he was caught. Anyway since then it has been the teachers lucky talisman and every day they all rub his nose for luck; (I wish I hadn’t started all this it is all a distraction) but he does have a shinny nose.
The point is the teachers were a jabbering wreck and although all the pupils tried to be good it was something of a lost cause. The head girl did then try and explain they need to have faith in God and their own abilities not a lucky talisman which would not help. But the RE teacher said ITS OK FOR YOU and hit the head girl over the head with a huge bowl of semolina pudding from the canteen; it was not a pretty sight that’s for sure.
The Head girl somewhat dazed and semi blinded by the semolina pudding staggered down the school corridor groaning but the rest of the teachers thought it was a monster and ran away screaming while trying to recite The Ancient Mariner and saying without their talisman they were all doomed.
We never learnt much today except maybe another verse of The Ancient Mariner and that semolina is very slippery a bit like Slippery Slim, who ironically fell in it when he came to pick his son up from school and claim he was innocent and it was a stitch up by the headmaster.
As it turned out the Ghost writer was clearing his rubbish out of the school cellar (he has stuff everywhere) and the bronze bust of Samuel Taylor Coleridge got mixed up in a big pile of rubbish accidently. But the ghost writer noticed his shinny nose glinting in the sunlight when he threw all the rubbish in the skip at the recycling place in town. So by early evening he was back on his shelf and all is well again, (the bust of Samuel Taylor Coleridge not the Ghost Writer)