Monday, 19 September 2011

A BAG FOR LIFE MADE OUT OF PAPER, Captain Jack Sparrow and Elvis

I called in to see Napoleon Beelzebub today after school in his shop he was going AAAAuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh a lot. Apparently from the start of October he has to charge for carrier bags and give all the profits to charity. He is OK with this as he says people get the wrong idea about him all together, it is not his fault if they sell their souls to the devil and he has to punish them with eternal damnation.

He says he lets them know exactly what they are signing and gives them a cup of tea and a biscuit and explains eternal damnation is not very nice, for a few years of greed, corruption and glory.

Anyway plastic bags……… Mr Beelzebub said he is obliged to charge for single use carrier bags a minimum of 5p and all profits then have to go to charity but he said his bags cost more than 5p so he phoned up the Welsh Assembly Government to find out about this. The very nice lady said if you don’t make any profits after cost then you do not have to donate to charity. Then he asked about his posh bags what they now trendily called Bags for Life; and they said a Bag for Life must be made of thick Plastic, but Napoleons are made of paper and the nice lady said YOU CAN’T HAVE A BAG FOR LIFE MADE OUT OF PAPER THEY ARE SINGLE USE BAGS. Mr Beelzebub was not happy he said I HAS POSH PAPER BAGS MADE FOR MULTIPLE USE AND THEY COST EITHER 25P OR 50P EACH AND SO WHAT AM I MEANT TO DO MEANT TO DO. But she said Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a lot Mr Beelzebub said I THOUGHT THE WHOLE IDEA WAS TO STOP THE USE OF PLASTIC BAGS NOT ENCOURAGE IT but the nice lady said Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa a lot. Then the lady said that a Bag for Life has to be charged for or it is not a Bag for life. But as Mr Beelzebub said to her that HE IS OBLIGED TO CHARGE FOR SINGLE USE BAGS BECAUSE THEY ARE SINGLE USE, BUT HE IS ALSO OBLIGED TO CHARGE FOR A BAG FOR LIFE OR IT IS NOT A BAG FOR LIFE and the nice lady said Aaaaaaaaaa a lot but she did say he must give any profits to charity and Mr Beelzebub said again MY BAGS COST MORE THAN I AM GOING TO CHARGE PEOPLE and she said Aaaaaaaaaa a lot.

Mr Beelzebub in the end said was she interested in wealth and fame instead of a life in carrier bags  and that a life away from them would do her good and all she needed to do was sign a small piece of paper. But she said that it was a single use piece of paper and therefore she could not sign it without a small charge. It was that point where Mr Beelzebub started going AAAAuuuuuuuuugggggghhhhhh a lot.

When I got home mum said she had been to the NEC to a trade show for Mr Beelzebub and had seen a man from World War One wandering about; Captain Jack Sparrow and Elvis Plus a whole load of huge strange Elephants. And that it was rubbish, although she did see one very cool thing which she recons would be WELL COOL in our new garden although she forgot to tell me what it was NOT FAIR

Ooooo by the way off drumming tonight so that’s Well Cool also

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