Tuesday, 26 April 2011

Mathematicians, town planners and conspiracy theories

We have all decided to do a logistical analysis of our daily routines and movements, the dog has produced SWOT and flow charts but Pirate Pete likes charts and is trying to work out exactly where the treasure is. The dog keeps trying to explain that not all charts are treasure maps and we already have several sea chests of treasure in the house and we really don’t need more well not many more.

I think mum and dad are working on an efficiency drive although dad hates efficiency, well he sort of hates it but as mum pointed out his Perpetual Motion Machine is totally dependent on being one hundred percent efficient or it would not work. Now that Heavy Harry the Cat is no longer sleeping in it makes a big difference as it now keeps going. Heavy harry has been banned from dads workshop when dad found him trying to steal the Coelacanth from the big tank with a fishing net. I am not sure if they are real ones or Mechanical ones but Heavy Harry thinks they are real so that’s him banned.

We all went into Shrewsbury today to go shopping; Pirate Pete was looking in the leg shop, the dog was howling outside the delicatessen until they gave him a huge salami sausage and chilli sauce, mum and dad were looking for things for the house and I was practicing climbing lamp posts and store facades. While Flipper the Wood Mouse, Mrs Flipper and the Flipper Children? were scaring people in the nice café so that when we went for a drink it was nice and quiet.

The fist analysis of the flow charts and data shows I am only 10% efficient and the dog is 98% efficient but the dog did all the analysis so mum is a bit suspicious and is planning to check everything herself. I think the fact that dad was 95% after giving the dog a very large bone made mum realize something is wrong because dad always does things in the most complex way possible if he can and that by its very nature cant be 95% efficient. Dad did say he is very efficient at doing things in a very complex way and the perception of efficiency is an elusion not a reality. And that it is a conspiracy by mathematicians, physicists and town planners but mum said IDIOT; I think I agree with dad.   

Fiona Knight                  I can play a tune on my violin that is called perpetual motion, I play it most efficently, but I think you would get bored listening to it.

Do you play Tiptoe through the Tulips?

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