Rain Royal weddings, cats and a battered ram

Heavy Harry the Cat has decided my desk where I write my diary is his bed at present so I have had to do battle with it to get my desk back. He has now gone off in a grumpy mood, to tell the truth he is always grumpy. Dad says he has gone off to find his mates to try and get me to shift so he can take over my desk. But for the moment I am safe as I have barricaded the door.

It was very hot again today but it is due to start raining on Friday that’s rather ironic as it is the day of the royal weeding sorry wedding so if they have one of those open carriages with horses and gold bits then I think they might be done for. But it might mean the crowds will be rather wet. Dad has suggested that we go and sell the punters Union Jack umbrellas but as mum pointed out we only have half a Union Jack brolly after the dog tried using it as an air brake while skateboarding, which didn’t work that well. I even went to Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop for dad but all he had was a job lot of thirty thousand umbrellas saying SATAN IS NICE TOO (MOSTLY) but Mr Beelzebub thought they might not sell and he said they are not water proof but are fire resistant. Mr Beelzebub said he is going to have a royal Wedding window display and is putting the Skeleton of the accent King of Zanzibar with a display of crowns from the early pharaohs of Egypt and an African shrunken head of a man who upset the tribal leader of a tribe.

The poor old Ghost writer was in the grey office today so he has a scrambled brain again. He keeps telling us he has a master plan but it must be rubbish because he says this every week now, you wait this time next week he will be saying he is scrambled again. Anyway right now I have my own problems as I can hear cats whispering outside the door and I thing they have a battering ram. I have phoned the dog for help on his mobile phone I think he will be here in a minute because he said he might have ram on a spit for dinner. I think he might be thinking of the wrong type of ram. I will have to go now because it is a four legged ram and the dog has it cornered in the bathroom and is saying YUMMY rather a lot. Trouble is as soon as I go to save the ram Heavy harry will be back on my desk sleeping and he has all his mates with him now and I will never get back. 

   

 Paul Nessman                           My cat, Max, often lays right on top of all of my books as I am trying to study. I thought that I would be clever, so I keep a bag of kitty treats in a drawer and when he is in my way I simply throw him a treat and he leaves. But he lays there ALL the time now, waiting for a treat and I can hardly get started on my studies...who's really the clever one?