Wednesday 25 July 2012

The Short way to growing grapes and monsters of the deep


  The Ghost Writer was here this afternoon wearing some shorts, not particularly short shorts but sort of knee length things. This may not seem like news but the Ghost Writer never wears shorts in public, because he says people laugh at him, anyway once me and the dog had stopped laughing we said that he might be imagining the whole thing. Let’s face it; it is not the Ghost Writers fault he got his legs all chewed up by a monster years ago when he was younger and use to go looking for monsters in the depths of the sea with a camera. Although he had not really thought about what he would do if he found a monster, as hitting it on the head with your camera is rubbish. Particularly if it has three heads and if fifty feet long with big teeth and a scaly body with pointy bits that point.

He only wore then because he thought no one would see him here except us and he knew that we would not laugh at him (much), it is all to do with the heat. He was hoping to convince dad that he should tweak the weather machine a bit so it was a bit cooler but dad was rolling about in hysterics pointing at his (The Ghost Writers) legs.




One slightly good thing, is if the weather remains as it does, which unless we can find a synchromeshed grattle ion mixing filament array is very likely, our crop of grapes will ripen soon and we can then eat them as I am assured by the dog that one grape represents your five a day fruit and veg quota. Particularly if you cut the grape into five bits, one tip on doing this do not use a blunt knife or a hammer to cut your grape up or try to draw dotted lines on it with a permanent marker pen. And never try and prove to the dog that you can get 73 grapes in your mouth at the same time.

Did you notice I cleverly avoided mentioning the Olympics tonight….. ……. …… ……. …… …… DAMN

Just before I go I have just read a email from Auntie Karen and I do not have the hands of an aging hippy Auntie Karen, and I have always called the wireless the wireless rather than a radio, although I will admit that at school I get funny looks when I say I have been playing Miss Janis Joplin LP’s on the radiogram and they are way out man.

Finally I must thank Mr Charlie for the two free packets of SUGRU I will use it wisely…….





.
Finally I must make all of the members of the Radical Abstract Thinkers or RATs aware that they should all award themselves The Official International Bloggers Diploma of Blogging....... Along with anyone else that would like one. If you would like to award this distinctive and slightly out of focus International Diploma to your friends or the cat please do. I leave this to your discretion but use it wisely. These things don't grow on trees you know.   

7 comments:

  1. What happens if you fit 73 grapes in your mouth? Is there a prize involved?

    Also, I wouldn't laugh at the ghost writer's legs. If he's capable of tackling sea monsters, he's capable of anything.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There was a prize of a new Mercedes Benz but only if I could say "I'll have the new Mercedes Benz please"...... With all 73 grapes in my mouth....

      As for the Ghost writer he was capable of anything a long time ago, but he is old and knackered now so we can all laugh at him safely.

      Delete
  2. I still call the radio a wireless, the cinema the pictures and say I am taping a programme when in fact I am recording it on Sky Plus.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is jolly good to hear.... I think so many of the old words are much better that the new ones.

      There is a definite tendency to abbreviate and create a short word from two or three rather good ones. or go LOL . . . . . . . . A AAAAUuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhh

      Delete
  3. Your grapes are beautiful! We tried to grow grapes once, but they were small and mushy and painfully sour.

    (Unrelated, but: your comment on my last post with the "entirely armless" made me laugh out loud more than once. Clever!)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am glad that my comment on your blog made you laugh Miss Stephanie. That to me is important it is part of why I blog...

      As for the grapes they have a way to go yet so it will be interesting to see if they get to the point we can eat them. Growing grapes in the UK can be fickle.

      Delete
  4. Question: Did you choose for the diploma to be outta focus?

    ReplyDelete