Tarzan, the eco warrior and the last Panda

Another day of searching for houses although me and the dog thought we would have a break and go to the woods to find suitable underground or hidden places to live. A bit like Rodin Hood did with his merry men only it would be merry mum (or Goth Mum) so maybe merry men is a bit wrong.  It is surprising how difficult it is to hunt houses because in general they are large things.

There is not much to live in, in the woods although the dog did make a rather good tree house in one of the big trees and was swinging about on a large creeper shouting ME TARZAN YOU JANE at Rusty the Robot Dog. Trouble was Rusty refused to be Jane I think because Rusty thought the dog meant Jane Russell and Rusty being a six legged robot dog thought he would look like a complete IDIOT dressed up in a wig and makeup like Jane Russell. The dog said Rusty could pretend to be a Russell Terrier called Jane and then fell about laughing but in doing so fell out the tree.

 Anyway he was fine because he fell on something soft, which turned out to be an eco-warrior who had tied himself to the tree to stop the bypass. Only that was five years ago and they never built the bypass due to lack of funding, although the eco warrior thought he had saved the trees so we thought it best not to tell him. In the end we got one of the banshee’s to drop him off at the bus station. I did warn the dog that banshees do take things rather literally and I think his fall was sort of OK even though he did not have anything soft to land on like an Eco person just a metal bus shelter, and a little old lady waiting for the 76 to Shrewsbury. (She was not very soft and hit him with her umbrella.)

I have noticed that little old ladies always wear a big coat and have an umbrella even when it is really hot like today, why do they do that maybe when you get old you assume it will always rain sometime in the day so best to be prepared. I asked the Ghost Writer about that, he’s old and he said yes we are all doomed like the weather it is due to rain for even while the insistent burning sun destroys us all. Mum said the Ghost Writer is an IDIOT which explains much including the nagging dough I have said all this before. The Ghost Writer says yes yes its all rubbish we are doomed.  

By the way this bypass is not the other bypass which was built because that goes to other places and has featured in our story. And no trees were destroyed in the making of that diary entry according to the Ghost Writer. Just a few Hedgehogs and a Panda (just the one, the last one as it happens)...

Dan Heyman                 Brilliant

Thank you Mr Dan you are very kind to say such a thing. However mum thinks you must be mad to say so and said IDIOT as she does. And as you know she says this a lot. Its a bad sign when she turns on the readers, I hate to think what will happen at the movie premier.