Thursday, 19 November 2015

The Wisdom of Age

Look I made a face

Well there are certain disadvantages in getting older which folk don’t appreciate until they get older.  You see due to past circumstances I now find I have the body of a 99 year old and the mind of a 9 year old. I know I am not 99 years old but a very long time ago a chap decided to attack me with a large lump of metal which was about the weight, size and shape of the average British cat (sorry Car). . . . It was in fact an average car. It was also not nice and at the time I was very battered, but I recovered. However I have since discovered that the draw back to such events is the poor old body as it gets old says to itself or the brain . . . .  Hang on I think I am feeling a bit Knackered. . . .  So the result is I now have the body of a 99 year old.

There is another interesting thing that can happen to folk as they get older, I think us chaps are very prone to it and that is after a certain age you start going backwards mentally, leading to my statement of having the body of a 99 year old and the mind of a 9 year old

Now I started by saying there are certain disadvantages in this and so there are, you see a nine year old likes to chase seagulls on the beach with say a large plastic dinosaur making roaring noises (this is not recommended if you are a grumpy old chap).  A nine year old will happily climb a tree and pretend to be an alien in the park shouting . . . Take me to your leader . . . at a squirrel (this is not recommended if you are a grumpy old chap).  And apparently standing in a supermarket trolley in Sainsbury’s pretending you are a huge monster Octopus fighting a gang of pirates. . . OK Little Old ladies. . .  with a freshly baked French loaf, is something that the store manager will disapprove of and tell you off and ban you for ages.

Luckily there is one plus to having the mind of a nine year old and it is that a few days later you have forgotten that you have been banned and that you had to be rescued from a tree by the fire brigade or that you were totally knackered for several days after chasing seagulls.  

I was always told when I was little that when you get old you became wise and that folk will come and see you and ask you important questions about the world and stuff.  And now I think I understand why the world is in a bit of a mess. You see I think what is happening is that people do go and ask the wise old sages and leaders of religions and tribes and counties and crumbly old grumpy folk like me what they should do and we apply all the wisdom that our nine year old minds can muster up and say things like. . . . Attack them with youR terrible Martian Death Ray and put FROG-SPAWN in their briefcases HAH HAhah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ah ha ha ha ha . . . . . .          

Well as old wise folk our wisdom is not questioned unless of course we are standing in a supermarket trolley in the freezer section of the local store pretending we are a parrot. Then folk tend not to come and see me (sorry You). . . . . . .


  1. I didn't know about your accident.

    The comedian Patton Oswalt has an interesting take on which birthdays should be celebrated, and in the same routine, what things an elderly person would be allowed to do at different milestones.

    1. Search YouTube for 'Patton Oswalt Birthdays', -> you only get 20 birthdays

    2. He was rather amusing, it is not often we here American comics swearing over here in the UK.