Wednesday, 22 April 2015
Stanley Stumbledore . . . . The A to Z of Slightly Strange Unknown Victorian Inventors and Explorers
A chemist who spent many years working on the process of Alchemy, but not with a great deal of luck. However he was never downhearted by his failure because he saw it all as part of his quest for knowledge. A knowledge that led him to become the leading authority on symbiotic substances. Now everyone knows that the best symbiotic substances have at their core a large open crystalline structure allowing it to fill with tiny particles in the symbiotic process. And it was this process that led to a piece of brilliant lateral thinking, because Stanley Stumbledore’s castle was at risk of falling into the sea due to coastal erosion.
The sea is a powerful force and if you simply build a wall the sea will quickly destroy it but if you build an open crystalline structure the force will be defused and the structure will survive stopping the erosion; eventually filling the spaces with sand creating a natural environment for small sea critters and the like. So it was; that the Stanley Stumbledore Shore Star was created which varied in size from about six feet in diameter to fifteen feet in diameter. The Victorians loved the sea and were keen to control its power and eat ice cream while paddling about in suitable swimwear. So the eradication of coastal erosion was seen as an important step in mans authority over nature. As the Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer would often tell his congregation on cold wet Sundays.
Sadly Stanley Stumbledore as with many Victorian inventors became delusional and thought that he could command the sea purely by standing in front of it. So one very stormy night encouraged by Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer (who was keen to prove that man could master nature); Mr Stumbldore ventured onto the beach where he was promptly swept out to sea. The Rev Oscar Overlap Oppenheimer told the shocked watching crowd it was penance as Stanley Stumbledore had obviously been eating ice cream and wearing a bathing suit, both clearly the work of the devil.
Interestingly a group of fishermen who arrived back in port a few hours later said they had seen two men emerge from a cave and save Stanley Stumbledore as he was being dashed on the rocks. One of the men a strange green colour with mad hair and wearing a ripped shirt while the other kept shouting well known left wing protest chants. They also claimed to have seen a man dressed as a penguin with a bicycle wheel on his head running along the cliff top, so folk just said they had been drinking moonshine after a good catch of mackerel and herrings.
Stanley Stumbledore was never seen again though, although you do sometimes see large concrete star shaped coastal defences in small Victorian towns.