Saturday 13 October 2012

I HAVE RETURNED . . . . . . . so be afraid


Well I have returned to the surface after an interesting Journey to the centre of the Earth, well almost the centre of the Earth it was not exactly as we planned things at school but it has been very interesting. It was a bit of a shame that some of the younger members of the school party were sacrificed, but the light show was excellent and it was their own fault for looking for Santa instead of remaining focused on the quest at hand.



So I have seen many things and meticulously recorded it all for posterity, well when I say meticulously I mean I sort of scribbled notes at the end of the day on parchment paper and sweet wrappers. This was due to a lack of appropriate available technology to hand, so it means I will need to write up the events so that the world will know of our adventures, when I say write up I of course refer to the Ghost Writer; he will need to write it all up because he is the Ghost Write, it is his job. Actually it is not his real job as in do work get paid; it is his do work then grumble that he has done all the work and did not get paid. I have said once I am rich and famous I will pay him then . . . . . maybe

Our return trip had to be done all in one go what with the trouble with the strange subterranean native tribe who went from all friendly (OK there was the sacrifice) to not friendly and chasing us with rocks and squishy sea creatures. So we have travelled many hundreds of miles today all up hill to reach the surface of planet Earth and the light of the sun rather than the unnatural light of a huge subterranean cavern complex lit by luminous algae on the cavern ceiling. Yes yes it did look a bit like the sky but I can assure you this was many hundreds of miles underground.  

The dog is pleased to see me, he had a bet with dad that I would return alive so he has won, dad is a bit disappointed as he said my bedroom would have made a great office and he now owes the dog five hundred pounds. He does blame the headmaster however as he had told dad that Professor Hardwigg was totally mad and it was a dead cert we would all end up dead.



It also appears that the farmers have got wind of the cows tunnelling exploits and are planning to fill them all in tomorrow. Interestingly it appears it was dad that told the farmers a few days ago and he was really keen that they got on with it. He even offered to split his winning with them from his bet with the dog, but it appears it has been too wet in the last couple of days to do it.

Oooooo I forgot to mention I had a stowaway in my bag, it was the chicken, like all chickens he is a great lover of a good adventure.

Away I am BACK . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . HAH HAHAHH HAH HHAH hah ah hah ahhah hahahah so be afraid very afraid . . . . . . . . . . . .. 


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13 comments:

  1. While you have been gone underground I have made it 35% into Iain M Banks novel The Hydrogen Sonata, so I have been to Outer Space (in his book). It is Saturday night, so I am off to the diner to hopefuLLy see Jesus and have breakfast and track physics with the chef James. I have mainly done house work when not reading today. I survived aLL episodes of painting with the implied ladder roof faLLing landing hurting dying possibilities. At least the building is prettier and the renters are happy. I am glad you and The Chicken have returned safely. I wiLL let Jesus know that you are back. Question: while at the middle of the earth, did you notice a bunch of gold? While I was reading about gold it mentioned that the earth's original gold sunk to the middle of the earth during its formation, and so the gold mined by people comes from asteroids which landed after there was a hard surface. My father used to work in a sawmiLL that supplied timbers for the gold mine in South Dakota. He was a truck mechanic.

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    1. I don't think we got to the middle we were distracted by events I am in the process of finishing my diary of our journey so all will be able to read it soon.

      But if I had known all the gold had migrated to the centre of the Earth then the incentive would have been much greater and we might have made it.

      I hope Jesus and James are well, and it sounds like you have been rather productive while I have been rather non productive.

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    2. For some reason Jesus was not there last night, but he was there at lunch, I believe it was Monday. James and I did work on an interesting version of the riddle, "If a tree faLLs in the forest and there's no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?" - there are some lines in The Hydrogen Sonata about the 11 string instrument sounding better at higher altitudes. Then I discussed with James about your trip to the center of the Earth, and how you had left me a comment a few days ago, so I made up a new word. Instead of using the Internet, you used the Innernet while inside the Earth. We proceeded to haha & ha a bunch. It was a pretty good meal, eXcept he put -butter- on my toast! But he made me fresh toast dryly, so aLL is forgiven.

      I think I get Vietnamese food today, not sure. A date with The Wifey! Yea!

      Hope you have got used to being back in the sunlight. You may need to wear soonglasses for awhile.

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    3. That is a veRy fine photograph of The Chicken.

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    4. I like the idea of the Innernet but it would imply that there may be an Outernet as well as the Internet so maybe cyberspace has its own multidimensional world like the world.

      It is nice to think that my travels are discussed many thousands of miles away in far flung parts of the world. The thought occurred to me today that there is a very slight chance that in many millions of years in the future it is just possible that the only record of daily life from this time might be my diary. That would be rather amusing

      Ooooo and I think I might agree about playing a stringed instrument at a higher altitude, but maybe not the woodwind or percussion sections of an orchestra.

      The chicken says thanks too

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  2. I dont what you did down there underground but if you fiddled with any buttons or levers that have anything to with with weather, could you please the chicken back down to put it right 'cos it bloomin' cold now.
    It was okay before you left and now... well - go outside and tell me its normal!

    Glad to see the Head of RATS is back, just in time for our end of year reviews! hahahahahahahahabanana-ha

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    1. Agree -triple hahaha- it is colder here two.

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    2. Hello Mr H it was rather nice where we were right up to the last two days when things took a turn for the worse. No one likes rain and molten lava falling from the sky. And it was a bit unfortunate that the chicken looked exactly like The Subterranean God of Cataclysmic Doom, so we got the blame and had to do a bit of a runner.

      However our first day back has been lovely and sunny although those tunnels made by the cow have now been filled in.

      By the way there is a moral to all this and this is it. . . . . . . . One small white lie for a good reason like say a good tale can lead to more and more lies in order to support your story, or Diary. . . .PHEW things are complicated.

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  3. Glad you had a good time, welcome back! I always thought there were tribes living underground, now it's been proven! I never knew they were violent though, so I'll make sure not to run into them if I ever feel the need to take a trip down there!

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    1. Thank you Miss Laura, I hope your course is going well. I am always pleased to see you passing by for a read.

      The underground tribes were just a bit upset blaming us for the destruction of their world. It can easily happen to the best of us.

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  4. Welcome back from the centre of the Earth, did you come across the Devil?

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    1. No sadly not but I did sort of discuss this tonight, so I think you may have been reading my mind as I was writing.

      As it happens the chicken was mistaken for The Subterranean God of Cataclysmic Doom, easily done.

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  5. Welcome back Rob Z Tobor, the new king of the mole people!

    ...you did conquer the mole people, right?

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