Wednesday, 1 June 2016

Poetry for an Escapologist doing Handstands on a Police Car

Delilah was a contortionist 
And an accomplished escapologist 
Who to annoy her Ex-boyfriend
Police Sergeant Jim McDonald Scar
Would do tricks upon the roof
Of his much beloved police car
Much to the amusement of a certain
Miss Salome Bridgewater White
As she was regularly arrested
For being a lady of the night
But she was reputedly or so it was said
A rather good friend
Of a local man of the church
The very reverered
John Samuel Arthur Spiller-Birch
So every morning she would be freed
Because she had seen the light of God
And claimed it was a dusky pink
Which Police Sergeant Jim McDonald Scar
Thought was very odd
But then each morning as he left
To go out on patrol
Delia would be doing handstands
On his roof of his car
And sticking pins in a voodoo doll
And dipping it in hot tar

And when ask why she was so bitter
She explained that at their wedding
He ran off leaving her standing in the aisle
As he said he had villains to catch
And it was going to take a while
Then he discovered
Delilah’s Uncle George
Was making fake money in his garden shed
So Police Sergeant Jim McDonald Scar
Went to see Delilah and said
I will not marry into the criminal classes
So our love affair is
That seems rather hard

And after all Uncle George makes very good fake money 


  1. Hey Rob,

    Four in the morning and I finally get to your blog!

    Why, why, why, Delilah! Should of grabbed his handcuffs at the alter. Then he would not falter. Although putting on a ring on her hand with handcuffs on him would be a tad tricky.

    Yours in tiredness,

    Gary :)

  2. I know someone who went to prison, convicted of making fake money, but several people who knew this person said she wasn't even close to understanding how to do it. They said she was fearful of the person who made it and wouldn't turn him in. Being a printer I think it is probably pretty difficult to make real looking American bills. I am not tempted to try, as I have no desire to posess something which I didn't earn. As far as a handstand, I think if I tried to do that it would kill me. That would be a strange form of suicide, death by handstand.