Friday, 9 May 2014
I is for Interesting Instructions of an Irregular type.
It appears that when someone leaves you a little note to remind you to do a particular task it is not a good idea to amuse yourself by modifying the instruction in case you forget that you modified it when you read it the following day. Let’s face it the very reason the note was left in the first place was because I tend to forget things.
So after waking up and waving my hair about in the shower and staggering about saying who am I, what day is it, where is my brain . . . . AH the Zombies have nicked my brain . . . . Eating some breakfast and then groaning loads in order to prove I am a Zombie. I noticed a note left for me to tell me what my task is today. So having read the task I decide I should do them in the order they have been written down.
Instruction One: - Strim Cows
WHAT? . . . . . . I don’t know what that is about but if I am left a note then I have always found it is best just to do what I are told, there was a time I would get distracted and go off and do other things and so the important jobs would get left. But no longer I am a lean mean efficient fighting machine (sort of). I am not sure if any of you have ever tried to strim a cow with a strimmer it is far from easy, in fact it is extremely hard. First off you need to get the flock (sorry herd) penned into the corner of a field and then fire up the strimmer and then charge at them in a random way to confuse them. If you are lucky you might get to strim the side of the odd cow as it stampedes past you, I will tell you right now cows do not like strimmers one bit. Cows can shift I have always thought of cows as slow happy docile beasts with a happy go lucky attitude to life, oblivious of the fact they will be turned into dinner for the masses at some point. Yes OK they did start making tunnels a long time ago, but that was the past, those cows have long since been char grilled and covered in sauce.
Cows it turns out (to get back to the point) can move rather quickly and it also appears that if annoyed enough say by a young enthusiastic chap with a strimmer can be a little aggressive. Well when I say little I really mean big; cows are big, very big.
So after a short time of chasing cows with a strimmer I found myself pursued by angered cows intent on revenge. This quickly led to a decision to abandon Instruction One and concentrate on Instruction two.
Instruction Two :- Pick Parsley
Well this was a piece of cake and done in a flash. It was only afterwards when I was asked Have you Strimmed the Cow Parsley at the top of the drive that I remembered I had slightly modified the note left for me . . . . . . . . Strim Cow Parsley . . . . . . . . . . AH DAMN
The good news, I now have, but the bad news is I don’t think the cows like me anymore. I have told them I don’t eat cows, but that has only lead to rumours and now the farmer does not like me either.