Friday, 27 December 2013

Long arms and Geckos

We are lucky here in that life is still fairly chilled and in Christmas holiday mode, yes we are very lucky indeed what with a myriad of jolly presents and lots of food and everything going sort of to plan I am pleased to say all is well. Well I say all is well as it appears the rather interesting Steam Powered Gecko has been a bit of a pest having run about on the PC monitor for a while and has taken to eating Santa pictures. However many in the UK have been having a tricky time over Christmas with a complete lack of power so that in order to eat their Christmas dinner it needed to be wrapped in clay and cooked in a bonfire like they use to do in the old days with hedgehogs. This was in the old days when there were loads of hedgehogs and it was not regarded as bad form to eat them; things changed once the hedgehog became a cute beast in children’s books although it has not stopped their decline in numbers. Anyway to get back to the point you can’t cook a turkey in a bonfire when there is a flood, but there does seem to be a modern trend to build houses on flood plains in Britain which ruins the habit of hedgehogs and makes it impossible to cook a turkey in a bonfire (or an oven) during a flood.

The only thing useful I have done today is try old clothes on to see what can go to the charity shop, run my Mrs E in Newtown. This however has revealed that something strange is happening because I have noticed a lot of my old clothes appear to have shrunk by just sitting there in a cupboard for a long period of time. I know for sure that it is the clothes shrinking rather than me growing because of my arms; you see arms get to a certain length and then stop getting any longer, but clothes that had arms that were the right length once, now have arms that are to short. I pointed out to the others here that my arms are not growing, but everyone insisted that my arms are getting longer and I may be turning into a large ape. In fact there is a so called scientific theory that says if a man writes an infinitely number of words he eventually write the complete works of a large number of monkeys.  It also appears that arm length is directly proportional to the distance you sit from the keyboard while typing.  I have been told that one of the reasons the iphone and tablet style devices are so popular is the fact they do not have keyboards and folk believe this will avoid the risk of their arms growing in length.

I do have one question though I can’t answer and that is . . . . . If my arms are getting longer as I get older why is it getting harder to reach my feet. . . . . . This is a paradox and that is for sure…..

You will notice most of what I have written tonight is rubbish; however I am not going to let writing rubbish get in the way of completing my best selling Blockbuster Diary. 



  1. I hope your appendage suffering is not contagious. If it is we will all have to keep you at ... wait for it...... ARMS LENGTH! hahahahahahahahahahaha.

    As your condition gets worse we would automatically have to stay further away as your arms got longer.

    As for your paradoxical quandary, I can only speak from experience and say that in my case, the reason I can no longer reach my feet is because of my ever expanding stomach. I think my belly button has fallen out with me and is trying to escape!

    1. At least you did not mention the international Arms Race Mr H . . . . . .AH DAMN I think I might have just done that.

      I have started to notice a bit of a expanding stomach but I have longer arms and they need food they are using more energy than they did when the were short.

  2. One should be careful about writing a Blockbuster Diary as Blockbuster went out of business I think.

    I don't know why you can't reach your feet as easiLLy with longer arms. Perhaps it is worse than you thought: Perhaps you are curving more than you are growing so that even with longer arms the distance from point A to point B is no longer AB, as in ABdomen, but it is now AD, as in AbDomen. That would lead to a BaD omen, (((hahahahaha abdomen bad omen hhhhhahahaha))) bad O men, curved, louder hahahahaha bald old men, oh I can't s top.

    1. Luckily I have not reached the Bad Bald Old Man stage yet. . . . Having said that I have just pressed something on my keyboard by mistake and changed my screen view so I cant escape the internet, having lost both the menu bar at the bottom and the internet bar at the top.

      Maybe this is something to do with having arms that are a different length to the arms I am used to using. I will go now and try and return things to a state of normal.

      As the old saying goes . . . I appear to be causing more arm than good . . . .

    2. Ha Hah ha hah aha ha . . . . F11

    3. Arm than good ... Hahahahaha