Friday, 22 November 2013

The Theory of Nothing and its use in avoiding Zombies, Cardboard Art and three potatoes

I am here again today even though I have almost entirely done nothing, yes Ok I cant actually entirely do nothing partly because the human body has to do something or it would fall over dead and in doing so mean it has done something although it would find it hard to write about in afterwards. And in science the concept of nothing is rather difficult because even an empty space entirely emptied of air and any loose atoms floating about is still an empty space and so has substance (although not a lot).

It may be useful to know that if you are trapped into a corner by Zombies which quite frankly should not happen, they are after all a little slow and not the brightest sparks in the bicycle shed. Yes another old saying from the days of bicycles, rather popular also in China in the late seventies for reasons plainly obvious to a historian of world bicycles. AH DAMN distracted again………

Anyway as I was saying if you are trapped in a corner by Zombies don’t panic firmly tell them to SIT and then explain that as homework they need to tell you all about nothing and how the universe started from a point of nothing so small that it’s tiny. This is a hard thing for a Zombie to understand and while they ponder this and look at one another in a slight panic hoping one of the others might stick their hand up to answer you calmly walk away and tell them they must write nothing one hundred times until it sinks in and they get the point (that’s the tiny point that started all the problems involved with the start of the universe).

OK  yes MMMMmmmmmm today; as I said I did not do a lot but I did buy cheese, eat a bacon butty and posted a letter, carried three large potatoes and did not look at the fish. I then drank tea, ate some cheese in a roll, drank some more tea and looked out the window, the last time I did that the Sparrow Hawk ate a Robin so it was a bit of a worry although this time it was OK (not for the Robin).

I then when to the hospital that Mr M was in because he got very friendly with a Mr P and I said I would go and see Mr P again to make sure he was OK, which he is. Mr P went home for a day this week for a trial run, but although his house is looking good the council have managed to ensure he has no hot water so it is being fixed and he hopes to go home at the end of next week all being well.

I then returned home and have done a tiny bit of cardboard arty stuff for the grand master plan, a plan that consists of almost entirely nothing………….


  1. The next time a zombie comes visiting me, I have some handy tips from you, good sir. Or I can just send them to your place.

    1. Just send them over here. I will have a chat and explain it is not Brains that they are meant to eat, due to a spelling error in an early novel, but Brian. So its tough on Brian but WELL COOL for the rest of us.

  2. When you say your ate some cheese in a roll, were you performing a roll? if so I can imagine that would rather risky as I would probably drop it on the floor mid-roll and get it all covered in dust.
    I wouldn't be able to use the 5 second rule to blow the dust of it, as it takes me more than 5 seconds to get up off the floor these days......

    1. my days of rolling are over Mr H and I too would take more than 5 seconds to get up.

      However there was a time I could jump in the air do a forward roll and land back on my feet. I stopped doing this when one time I did not land on my feet, more a case of landing on my back . . . . I gave up skateboarding for much the same reason.