Saturday, 21 July 2012

Olympic mascots, Triffid seed and the Lemmings of Petrograd

Myself and the dog felt it was time to explore the great outdoors today, grab the machete and battle along the route of The Fabled Minor Stream on Inconsequence. It has been some time since we explored the woodland next to it, which leads to the great wood. The Banshees were in good form and said they tried to go to see Esmeralda in hospital but had to leave when all the nurses started to scream and wave their arms about. It is a bit of a puzzle all the arm waving when people scream, obviously Esmeralda did not wave anything about for what are fairy obvious reasons, but dad has assured her she will be just like that six million dollar man although she will be a six million dollar woman, OK steam engine sort off and maybe more twenty quid rather than six million dollars. And she will get six legs…

Look I am distracted again which is not right, me and the dog were looking for strange monsters and creatures unknown to man, we spent ages doing this but having only met the Banshees and The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth who remains dark and in the undergrowth. And of course the Lemmings of Petrograd who are planning to hold an alternative sporting event because apparently a Mr Lord Coe banned them for shouting “Coe, Coe….. Coe Chi Minh” and “What do we want more Steroids when do we want them NOW” then falling about in Hysterics. It would not have been so bad if the Lemmings of Petrograd had not chose to do this as the Olympic flame officially arrived in Britain. It apparently took a lot of effort and bribery to keep it out of the press…..

Yes, Yes, Yes sorry off on a tangent again, all I am saying is that we met nothing new in the wood so we came home defeated, but at home sat on the UPVC double glazing was a strange little creature. We looked in up in our Boys Own Guide to Strange Creatures and could not find it so we have named it ourselves Sunflourious Seedioza Leggious because as far as we can see it appears to be a sunflower seed with legs. The dog says this is the missing link between plants and animals, and possible prove that the Triffid is not just a legend of the past. He was keen to keep the baby Triffid and see if it grows into a huge man eating plant, but mum said NO not after the last time when he brought the baby Loch Ness Monster home and it ate everything in the fridge…. So somewhere outside is a tiny tiny Triffid that will one day grow up to look like an Olympic Mascot, which would be terrible.

What ever happened to Wenlock and Mandeville, the Olympic mascots, they were rubbish. I think they must have been buried under the main stadium, no one even mentions them now.  


An Oscar from Miss Lily the Award magnet
I don't know how she does it .


  1. Rob Z, unfortunately I don't know how I do it either! It is truly beyond me.

    Alas, Wenlock and Mandeville are still around. This I can testify to, as they appeared today at the yearly 'Mayor's roadshow', as we awaited the Olympic torch.

    The many children present were most happy to see them as they high-fived the mascots in their faces, punched their backs in a congratulatory offering and kicked their shins out of a marked respect for the good job that they are doing...ah there's nothing quite like community togetherness.

    1. Yo Miss Lily it appears your local community have had the opportunity to put into action the thoughts of the masses.

      I know you hate the sun Miss Lily but now you can sit in and watch the Olympics either from the window or the TV.. Remember to lean out of your window from time to time and shout KEEP THE NOISE DOWN.....

  2. At the woods that surround our house, there is a strange creature not too dissimilar to the fabled big foot, although he wears a blue baseball cap. He pops up every now and again and I will take a picture (or grainy video) next time he makes an appearance.
    Woods are very strange places. Forests are worst.

    1. Dont worry Mr H there is a cunning plan that is well under way to remove all the forests turn then into planks and sell then in IKEA with a small Allen key and some informative instructions on how to build your Inkulanintia (tree to you and me)

      The Inkulanintia is available in all branches, HAH HAHHAH HAh ahh ahh hah hah hah ah hah hah ah ah ahah hhah haha hahah haha