Poetry for a Astronaut Correspondence Course

Kenny Varty was an ASTRONAUT

Or so it was, that Kenny Varty THOUGHT

As he had completed his

Astronaut correspondence COURSE

From a Russian Chap

Named after a famous HORSE

And he even had a diploma, it was big and BLUE

With a picture on it

Of Yuri Gagarin, Laika and an Alien or TWO

But when he applied to NASA

To say he had his diploma and

There was no need for him to TRAIN

They laughed and pointed

And said Kenny Varty

Was almost certainly quite INSANE.

Well that is not the sort of thing

A chap from the suburbs is going to TAKE

So he decided a Rocket was something 
He was going to MAKE

For weeks he worked away, in his SHED

And made a rocket, that was big and RED

Then in early July 1969 Kenny Varty set off

On his trip up to the MOON

The Launch accompanied by a local brass band

Who played a cheery upbeat TUNE

Neil Armstrong though was not happy

When he saw Kenny Varty wave and NOD

From outside the NASA lunar landing POD

And when Kenny Varty got back home

He thought he would ring up Neil on the telephone

But of course NASA claimed that Neil was FIRST

And said Kenny Varty was mad and plainly CURSED

But Kenny Varty was happy

Because he KNEW

He had beaten Neil by at least a day or TWO

And regardless of official history

There was nothing

Neil Armstrong could ever SAY

That would make the image of Kenny Varty

Waving outside the lunar lander

Ever Go AWAY

Which is why I am doing

My Astronaut correspondence course

So I can beat the chaps at NASA . . . . . . . . . .  

And hang about in popular Astronaut friendly BARS

And tell all

That I was the first

To

Walk

On

MARS

And this is why Neil Armstrong seldom spoke about his trip to the moon. And also the reason that the popular Astronaut correspondence course has increased in price rather a lot, although a refund is available after proof of a successful space mission.