Tuesday, 17 January 2012

performance art and the alien zombie creatures of Venus (again)

One very important thing to remember when doing performance art in the art class is don’t cover yourself in large blue spots unless you are sure that the paint will wash off. Well I thought it said water based paint but in fact is said Walter Base’s patented permanent lifetime guaranteed paint. I do have to say my performance as someone who has been attacked by alien zombie creatures leaving me with some awful mutant disease resulting in large blue spots was rather convincing.   

It certainly convinced class 14c who ran screaming along the corridor in the opposite direction and eventually out of the fire escape, closely followed by class 13a, 17b, 28, AB4 and 8+.  The French teacher was going to safe me but I pretended I was becoming a flesh eating alien from Venus, and the teacher had heard rumours of creatures from Venus crawling out of boxes so they ran off.

The next thing was a large group of men in special all in one suits turned up and were going to put me in a quarantined plastic bubble, luckily for me Esmeralda had decided that as her performance art project for today she would dress up as an alien with huge tentacles and scary pinchers and stuff. And as the men in the all in one suits cornered me in a corner Esmeralda happen to come into view. It is apparently not easy to run in an all in one suit with breathing equipment and big gloves so they sort of fell down the stairs a bit and screamed a bit too, well screamed a lot really.

The next thing was a large army tank rumbling down the corridor pointing weapons at us so Esmeralda threw her alien outfit at the tank to distract it while we leapt out of a window to the sound of an alien outfit being attacked with flame throwers and machine guns.  I would have been fine except for Esmeralda removing the blue spots with wire wool from the metalwork class. So then I really did look like I had been attacked by aliens. Once we emerged into the playground we were cheered as heroes for defending the school against the massed forces of Venus. Mum said IDIOTS when I told her the story but I am still not sure who she means.

The headmaster is planning to ban all alien life forms from the school particularly those originating from Venus as he says they are distracting the other pupils from their work. The Ghost Writer has told me that the readers are going to be a bit confused about exactly which part of the story is true today, but I have told him Surely that’s the whole point of my diary   



  1. Hi Rob Z, just catching up on one of my fav blogs. It seems a lot has been happening, mostly to do with aliens...and mushrooms. (Which in themselves, are the embodiment of pure evil...or is that sprouts?)

    Water Based + Walter Base = made me giggle.

  2. You are right with Sprouts Miss Lily.

    Sometimes when it Winter time in the hills and cold and you have painted large blues spots on yourself you need a few aliens to liven things up a little.

  3. I noticed that there may be a link between the blue paint being permanent only while you are alive, "lifetime" paint. So if you were dead or momentarily held your breath to pretend to be dead, then that might fool the paint into releasing itself from your skin.