Friday, 2 May 2014
B is for Big Boris is Back and he is not alone
THERE'RE BACK . . . . . . Well when I say back I’m not entirely sure they have been here before although Mr Jones says they have, and he knows these things even though the general view is he is as mad as a hatter. Yes last night after going to bed what should start happening but those lights again a rather strange and eerie glow round the house, and despite me getting up to investigate I could not work out what it was. Then as I decided to return to bed who should I spot hiding in the shrubs watching the lights but Mr Jones, it is not like Mr Jones to hide he is usually running about naked with his large sign saying I am your Friend; as I have said many times before. But it appears that on this occasion the aliens are according Mr Jones seriously unfriendly aliens known as the Rat people (from Eaglefleebite 7) who look like twenty five foot long Rats. Well that sounds unfriendly to me, apparently they eat all your skirting boards at night plus your legs and maybe your nose and will chew the odd finger too. So if you wake up in the morning with no skirting board a chewed nose and the odd limb missing you will know it was the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7 lead by their notorious leader Big Boris.
I would like to reassure the public that the Rat People of Eaglefleebite 7 are not the same as the members of RATs (the Radical Abstract Thinkers) who do not go about eating the skirting boards in folks houses so don't start shouting at us and throwing stuff at us like cheese (not unless it is a good strong cheddar). Us members of RATs (the Radical Abstract Thinkers) have enough problems with our own arch enemy the CATs (the Common Average Thinkers) who start terrible rumours that we make stuff up and exaggerate and that my diary is nonsense and that there is a really boring explanation for all the lights at night and that a twenty five foot long Rat Person from Eaglefleebite 7 would not fit through the front door of the average house so it is unlikely to eat skirting boards and that at best would be a ordinary mouse that say a cat (as in a real fluffy cat) got bored with and gave it a few minutes to try and escape before biting its head off. You see those CATs (the Common Average Thinkers) have no imagination and will never get to meet huge rat based alien life forms with pointy teeth from Eaglefleebite 7 that eat folk, and they will live to regret that one day . . . . . . . . . . . . I think?