Tuesday, 28 January 2014

The Fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence and a quite look back at the past

It continues to rain here rather a lot and the ground is well and truly saturated, the fabled minor stream of inconsequence that runs behind our house and off into the wood must be at least a good 12 to 18 inches deep and almost three feet wide. This means that it still only counts as a minor stream of inconsequence which bearing in mind all the rain and flooding in Britain is rather good when you live in a bungalow.

I really should write loads more but am going to do a sneaky and tell you what I wrote way back on Friday, 28 October 2011 . . . (why I hear you type, well I’m lazy and its wet and dark and the middle of winter).

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The new house is right at the far end of the wood, right at the end of a thin ribbon of wood that follows the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence, the source of which is right next to our new house. So me and the dog thought it was time to take a little trip to explore. There were two reasons for this. The first was that it has been a very quiet day; the second reason is I really can’t believe you wish to hear about boxes again.

The third reason is it has been rather nice and sunny today an excellent time to explore woods (I sound like Monty Python now). So three reasons why I was in the woods, although the forth one would be that the sequel to the blockbuster movie of the book; (book one) based on this, book two, so far is full of boxes, and that is not a good plot. So four reasons why no one expects the Spanish Inquisition….. Mum has said you know what again, sorry mum however I have thought of a fifth reason……. No only kidding.

 In the woods the trees are all loosing there leaves and many animals are hibernating such as Hedgehogs, Bears, Beavers, The Lemmings of Petrograd, The Dark Creature of the Undergrowth and Uncle Frank. Uncle Frank always gets hibernating and flying south for the winter mixed up, which is an easy thing to do according to mum and dad, but I think they are being nice. But it is cheaper for Uncle Frank to hibernate in the wood than spend all winter partying in Ibiza

We had a long wander through the woods, the dog destroying yet another catapult made by the Dodo’s. He says it will be the last of the year as they have turned their attention to building a Jacuzzi (otherwise known as a hot tub) to keep them cosy over the winter months.  This is the result of them getting to read a Woman’s Own magazine left in the wood by a camper. Yes you see the consequences of leaving your rubbish in the countryside. The repercussions of these acts are not always easy to predict, so please ensure you always clear all your rubbish and dispose of it correctly. Thank you.

Dam it distracted again; we made it to the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence and as was discussed last time (Yes you do need to pay attention) we found evidence of the Madman of the Woods, we even thought we heard the distant call of the wild; HAR HAR HARDY HA HAR a sound with a familiar ring to it. The dog even found prints of a strange animal in the muddy banks of the fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence a strange creature with six legs …………. …………. Mmmmmmmmmm.

Anyway it got dark and we had to return home as we were all visiting a particularly famous old lady of Monty who is ninety nine today; and it is not the done thing not to visit. So we did. I did say she was not to run about in the night singing in the street and climbing lamp posts. Mum said IDIOT which I thought was a bit harsh after all she is 99 ……….. AH apparently she was referring to me. 

I have a friend, called Mr Jones.
Who is famous for his, scary groans.
And likes to wear, a pointy hat.
While dancing with, the vampire bat.
And in the middle of the night.
He will knock on doors, to give you a fright.
But at Halloween, he is in the wood
To shout TRICK OR TREAT at …………  Robin Hood.

HA HAH HAHAHH hahah hah hahhah hahhahhah hahahah hha ha ha hah hah hahah.

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OK back to 2014 yes a lot of time has passed; the dog is still with the Pope I think, teaching him stuff about the Romans and Greeks and the little old lady died having reached 101. And I gave up spelling DAMN like DAM because folk thought I was silly and they did not see the ironic dark humour of a large wall holding back all that water. Since spelling DAMN correctly all that water is now all outside and I think that says everything. . . . . 

AH I may have to use an old picture tonight also . . . . . .DAM . . . . . HAH AH HAH AH HAH AH HA HAH HA HAHHAH haha ha ha hah ha ha ha ha.  

Gosh I have written a lot of rubbish in the last few years……


  1. Speaking of rain, One of the campers has brought their boat onto site for storage! It's making the others feel rather restless and they think they are missing out on some important news alert.
    I keep telling people it's the first prize in a raffle but they are not allowed to buy a ticket. hahahahahahahahahahahaha

    1. Well I would let the women and children buy tickets first or men dressed as women followed by those in first class and then finally all the others. Maybe if you had a table you could saw two of the legs slightly shorter on so it leans a bit and a small orchestra playing in the background.

      You could tell folk it is an old party trick to help break the ice . . . . . . . HAH HA HAH AH HA HAH HA HAH ha ha ha ha ha ha ha haha

  2. I read the words "The Fabled Minor Stream of Inconsequence" and laughed for a good 23 seconds.

    We got some good news in our print business just now. We got picked to do the printing of a major local chemical manufacturer, as well as part of the city, all in one morning. So I am going to be a busy boy ....

    1. Glad to here business is going well. You seem to be doing rather well in the print game, at this rate you will have the market cornered in your part of the world.

    2. I am hoping for a corner with a rounded edge. I asked Google if there were bear sin England and it indicated most likely that wild bears were killed off in the middle ages. I then asked if my state of Texas had any and it appears we do have wild bears. I know they captured one that had wandered in from New Mexico recently just west of us. I am thinking our border patrol should be watching for bears, too.

    3. Sadly we do not have bears in Britain but oddly there are wild wallaby and wild boar about and rumour of large cats like puma or jaguar. Maybe your bears are Pantomime Bears used by the Mexicans to sneak across the border. iIf the Mexicans inside were nude when the Border Patrol said to the Pantomime Bear . . . . .What are you up too . . . . . they could shout back . . . . .We are Bear . . . . . and they would not be lying so would be safe to continue their crossing of the border.

    4. 'Bear','Bare' hahaha - especiaLLy if they were crossing iLLegaLLy into New-d Mexico hahahahaha