Tuesday, 10 December 2013
The True Story of Father Christmas and Elves (sorry Elvis).....
Once upon a time there was a large jolly rotund chap with a big white beard and red fur lined jacket who carried a large sack about known to all as Father Christmas (that’s the rotund chap not his sack). He was a generous chap who would rummage about in his sack and give passing small children presents and the like shouting Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas. He was very popular much like Elvis and like Elvis it was not long before everywhere he went folk you run up to him screaming asking for autographs and asking him to sing the ever popular Be-Bop-A-Lula I don’t like Gravy, a sentiment all folk with large white beards will whole heartedly agree with no doubt.
As he became more and more famous and popular it got harder and harder for him to go anywhere without folk turning up demanding stuff out of his sack or making him sing that song again or trying to book him for parties or saying he was the father of their love child. When it was plain to all that super gluing beards onto small children was never going to convince anyone.
So as time passed Father Christmas became more reclusive and hid away up north in the snow only venturing out in the middle of winter a time that became known as Christmas time because he was never seen any other time of year. He still went Ho Ho Ho a lot but now sneaked into houses at night as it was the only way he could avoid being asked to sing that song. Of course by hiding away there was an opportunity for those Elvis impersonators who were not doing to well (put bluntly they were rubbish at Elvis), having fallen on hard times they became dishevelled and unshaven ending up with long white beards allowing them to become Father Christmas impersonators; it was cheaper too all you need is a big red coat and a sack, not a white sequined suit like Elvis and there was no need to be able to play the trombone either.
Over the years the real Father Christmas has got even more reclusive but the Father Christmas Impersonators or Santa impersonators as they are known now for legal reasons are all over the place. And it is easy to see why they all had to give up being Elvis impersonators, the closest I have ever seen one looking a bit like Elvis was when he was bitten by a large Hound Dog one Christmas Eve and screamed Im all Shook up . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .HAH HA HAH HAH HA HAH HA HAH HA HAH HAH HHAH HAH AH hah a hha ha ha ha ha ha