Saturday, 21 January 2012

My classic film re-enactment of ..... The Alamo assisted by Pheasants and Men in 4X4's

Saturday and I was home alone as a result of playing Scissors, paper, stone, (yes I hear what you say DON’T DO IT). The Loser had to stay at home and paint edges, that is edges of walls and mmmm I lost. It is the great decision of DIY do you paint all the middle of the wall first and get left with all the fiddly bits to drive you mad. Or you can do the fiddly bits first and relax and fill the space in between. Or spend a week taping up every edge so the whole thing is easy.

We tend to go for the second option and would recommend that as the most effective use of the brain as it is the least frustrating.  We also use the Mexican Wave technique working along a wall at a time putting all the pictures etc, back on the wall as the paint dries.

So I started painting edges (home alone) when there was all these loud bangs which turned out to be the local shoot, shooting. This gave me and the local Pheasants a brilliant opportunity for one of my classic film re-enactments The Alamo although I insisted that I played John Wayne, I don’t think the pheasants knew who John Wayne was so didn’t care. Anyway we were totally surrounded by the tally ho Mexicans (who were not waving) and despite the valiant attempts of many it was a massacre. Pheasants seem to lack any sort of discipline and run about like headless chickens (or headless Pheasants as it happens) which ruined moral. I even did the famous Coronal Travis speech but I think the pheasants got him and Coronal Sanders mixed up because it did not have the same effect as in the movie, in fact quite the opposite.

In the end it was looking bad just me and two pheasants fending off the Mexican guns in their 4X4s and wearing their Plus Fours (sounds like a maths lesson now) when we were saved by the Lemmings of Petrograd from the Woods who leapt to our assistance. OK it may have also been time for Lunch at the Manor for the shooting party; truth is we will never know or care.

The last two pheasants weighed up the situation and then panicked and fled back to the wood leaving me to continue painting edges and the Lemmings of Petrograd quoting their favourite quote That’s one small step for man and one giant leap for Lemmings as they leapt off the roof and back to the woods to fight the fight of freedom.

Why do the walls in Bungalows have so many edges?????  

From FB ......... my friend Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy

Fiona Knight                I nearly got hit in the face by a pheasant today, and I don't know Rob, why do the walls in bungalows have so many edges??

Well the pheasant was going for re-enforcements and our hallway has ten doors PHEW. it gets worse the other corridor has five doors

Fiona Knight                oh dear, perhaps next time work in an orderly fashion dealing with each section and its fiddly bits. My mom painted her whole house with a 2 inch brush. I can't paint, I am not allowed to. When I was 5 years old I thought Rolf Harris was the most interesting man on the planet and I decided I wanted to be like Rolf and paint a huge picture on the white wall in the white garage, luckily my dad, also a painter always had a pot of black paint and a brush left on the side and so I painted like Rolf, that was until my brother walked in and asked "why did you do that loogy?" I ran off to Russia and started a new life without Rolf.

Rolf is a very interesting man I remember he once had a suit made inside out because as he said the inside looked more interesting than the outside, so he thought that in that case it made sense for the inside to be on the outside and I quite agree....


  1. Re- westerns in the afternoon, in London, it's EVERY afternoon. (my mother's a huge fan)

    And THANK YOU SO MUCH for Richie Havens and that particular song!

    You've made a very snotty and cough ridden woman very happy. :)

    1. I thought you might like the song Miss Lily

  2. Pheasants are the most stupid creatures in the world. found stuck a tree in the wood behind my house. it stared at me until i got bored. it was still an hour later, until the farmer came along and shot it dead.
    its not there anymore.

    1. Yes they are, we sort of feed a few of them but this morning the numbers were down a bit. eeer just the one

  3. I have three words for you: paint fumes

    1. I will but in what style I think cubism might look a bit stupid so might try impressionism

    2. Peasants have enough style to be the state bird of my home state of South Dakota. Peasants? Oh, I reaLLy meant pheasants, but now that I think more about it, flying peasants would be interesting.