Friday, 25 November 2011

Vanishing into a paradox induced blackhole and having blood sucked out of me

I have never been a fan of having blood sucked out of me, but the nurse who did it was very good in fact it was probably the best bit of blood sucking I have come across in the surgery in Montgomery. In school I was telling them about the blood sucking and Esmeralda thought this would be an ideal experiment for the Biology lesson. Although I am not sure where she got the hypodermic needle from, it was huge.

Esmeralda did have to tie the teacher down to the desk to take a blood sample and I am sure they don’t take a pint and a half normally for a few tests but Esmeralda thought it was best to be safe and make sure there was enough blood for everyone to do tests on.

The teacher (Mr Jones) seemed a bit subdued after that, so we were a bit unsure about what tests we needed to do. Freddie insisted that his blood test proved the teacher was pregnant but as some of the class pointed out Mr Jones the Biology teacher was a man. This did not deter Freddie who also insisted that Mr Jones was in fact a Giraffe; well it is true that Mr Jones has a long neck but none of us were convinced. Then Esmeralda said that according to her sample Mr Jones was her identical twin brother, so she then hit Freddie for calling Mr Jones a Giraffe, because if she and he are twins, then by implication Freddie was saying she was a Giraffe too, not a good move.

There was a lot of blood flying about by the end of the lesson, so the sale of black pudding at the school canteen during lunchtime was according to one of the dinner ladies was an all time low, for some reason most people just didn’t fancy any. And it took some persuasion by the headmaster to convince Esmeralda that liquidising the left over’s and feeding it back into the Biology teacher was a bad move. Sometimes I get the feeling Biology is not one of Esmeralda’s stronger subjects.

Back at home I have been assembling another IKEA bookcase for more books. Someone has suggested too mum and dad that they could get one of those kindle gadget things. But as mum pointed out we could either have a room full of interesting old books, filling all the shelves or a kindle and no books just walls.  Well I think we all know which is the more preferable, as the man in the garage said WHY reinvent the wheel, as it happens in his case it might help as they keep falling off his car.

It is surprising how much time writing diaries takes up but if I start writing about the fact I am writing my diary, then according to the dog, I will vanish into a paradox induced blackhole where thoughts are unable to escape and twist back on themselves increasing the paradox and in turn the power of thought required to deal with it, and so on and so on, until the gravitation force of the thoughts is so heavy that your body is unable to support the weight and you will find your self pinned to the floor by your head. Me and the dog thought you needed to know that but mum said IDIOT


  1. As someone who used to teach, I must say that Esmeralda is the scariest schoolgirl EVER!

    And is there a reason for the blood-letting, or is it just a hobby you've taken up, you know as in being a Twilight fan?...or should I just not ask?

  2. No reason it is just that my locals Doc's like to do an annual MOT on people so they can say OK you're not sick......... go away. If they recall you, shake their heads and tut then things are not as they should be.

    Bearing in mind your interesting Blog Miss Lily may I ask what you taught.

    Ooooo I have never seen Twilight by the way, I am always floored in a quiz by TV stuff, well anything after about 1972 anyway for some strange reason.