Monday, 21 November 2011

BT, Badger Poo, the Crow, the fault and the weird end to Lord of the Rings

As you now know the very nice man at BT sorted out the phone and broadband, but what no one told us was that our broadband would vanish without as much as a hello goodbye, so my diary came to a sudden stop as I found myself as the old saying goes, stuck between a rock and a hard drive. Luckily things have only progressed slowly. And you have been saved from many a tale of boxes.

I have been back to our old house, as myself and dad delivered some instructions that had in theory been left for the new owners. In the eagerness to pack they had been packed up in a box, sorry I mentioned boxes.

The old house looks very settled and they have already unpacked and painted a room and had friends over for dinner (they did not eat the friends the friends were over to share a meal). We are still in a state of mild random chaos but it is due to the amount of stuff, and working on a great cunning master plan which will transform our classic 70,s home into something unique and interesting full of strange and interesting things.

Heavy Harry the Cat and Sooty the Cat have been exploring and Sooty the Cat has now got into the habit of going anticlockwise round and round and round the house until we all throw apples at him to stop. The dog thinks cats are like goldfish and this is definitive proof as it takes the cat about 10 to 15 seconds to run round the house (the outside that is) and in that time he has forgotten everything. Which results in him doing it again and again and again etc much in the same way a goldfish swims round a bowl (the goldfish is in the bowl rather than on the outside by the way).

I am told that Badger poo and Fox poo is not nice and to avoid it as it really is yuk, I have been looking but no I have not found any yet.  

I am planning to dig a small hole in the garden because its there. Mum and dad say it is not there but they are wrong; a hole is just a place still full of stuff, in this case soil and once the soil has been removed from the hole it will be a hole. In fact it will be a whole hole HA HAH Hah hahah hah hahahah hhahah hahah hahhah hahah hahah …………… Mum just said IDIOT it has been a few days since she has told me that, but that’s BT’s fault (BT are famous for their faults). They told dad once there was a fault on the line but to tell the truth it looked like a crow to me, and mum insists that BT can’t tell the difference between a Crow and a fault anyway. The dog says the Crow has a smaller beak than a fault and goes squawk, where the Fault has a more CRACKLY sort of call, HA HAH HAH Hah hahahah hhah hah hah hahah hahahha hah hahh hah hah ……… Mum said IDIOT again.

I’m glad I’m back it would have been a weird end to book two, a bit like one of the Lord of the Rings films where it ends as they eat sandwiches while walking over a hill. Why did they do that; that’s not a proper end to a film is it? 


  1. Welcome back Rob. You Have been missed. If you need a hole for your garden, ive got loads of here because of the billions of rabbits that enjoy nothing more than digging up pitches. you can come and take your pick and take a hole home. they're not too heavy to carry although you will probably need a carrier bag to carry it in.

  2. Thank you Mr H but I have a carrier bag with a hole in at home. Have you considered playing music at the rabbits I am told they don't like Motorhead or AC/DC or even Led Zeppelin, long ears and rock music have never mixed that well.