Burning Bilberry Bushes, Biodiversity and banshees

 

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad.

The Letter B

BECAUSE today is Monday Mum has made BUNS so today is now BUN-DAY much BETTER.  BIOLOGY in School today with Mr BRADFORD (a BUDDING BUDDHIST BIO-CHEMIST) was BRILLIANT.  “The BIOLOGY of a BILBERRY BUSH”, and despite BERNARD’S BEST attempts to BURN the BILBERRY BUSH (he says he had read about a BURNING BUSH somewhere) BEING BROUGHT to an abrupt stop by BEING BASHED on the head with a BASEBALL BAT by Mr BRADFORD the BIOLOGY teacher. The BUSH was still a BOUNTIFUL BIOSPHERE of BREATHTAKING BEETLES, BUMBLE BEES, BRONTOSAURUS and BIG BAD BURROWING BEASTS from BYZANTIUM……… AH I might have got a BIT carried away there. Mum has said BUFFOON (NOT IDIOT TODAY).       

However while BOUNCING BACK to the classroom through the BRACKEN, the BANSHEE’S came to see me, we are the BEST of BUDDIES from way BACK.  BUT BANSHEES always scare folk so Mr BRADFORD and some of Class B52 threw BUTTERED BUNS at the BANSHEES shouting “BE gone BEASTS you will give us BRONCHITIS and BUBONIC Plague and BLUE BOILS and BULLY our BUDGERIGARS.  It was the BRUSSELS sprouts that finally made the BANSHEES BACK off, BACK into the BROADLEAF trees of the woods. You can’t BLAME them, BRUSSELS sprouts …….YUK.

The rest of the day in school was BITTERLY BORING but that was BECAUSE it appeared that everyone else had started their Easter Holidays……………………….AH DAM, Mum said IDIOT (sorry BUFFOON)

BACK to BURYING BRASSICA’S and BROAD BEANS, and BUILDING the sculpture.      

I’m off now BECAUSE I am Drumming (Djembe)   soon with the BAND ….. BRILLIANT. The truth is never good for B’s

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Aprils Anticipated Arrival of a (alphabet Associated), ACME ATOMIC ANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC ARMAGEDDON ANDROID

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad.

So to the Letter A

An AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE (SPIDER SORT OF THING) ANDROID eating AUNTIE’S ARMCHAIR during breakfast was ALTOGETHER AVANT-GARDE. Dad ASSEMBLED it from AN ACME ATOMIC ANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC ARMAGEDDON ANDROID self ASSEMBLY kit AND modified it A bit to improve the AESTHETICS.  Being ANTHROPOMORPHIC it had eaten Coco pops AND cream first plus Toast AND ANCHOVIES, ALTHOUGH mum was ANNOYED that it ATE the plates too, but is saves on washing up. AND it read the newspaper, showing some interest in stories on the ABYSSINIAN AIRFORCE, APHIDS in the ALPS AND ALIENS.     

Dad thinks its eaten AN ANTELOPE, AARDVARK AND AN ARMADILLO ALSO….. Well AWESOME, APPARENTLY it uses ANALOGUE Logic AND ASCII to ANALYSE the ATMOSPHERE AND it’s surroundings.

Me AND the dog took ARNOLD AS we have called it (him?) for A walk but it ran AMOK AND ATE the ANTIQUE dealer AND his AIREDALE; the dog and I never liked the AIREDALE it was ALWAYS a bit ALOOF. But we think ARNOLD is AN ANARCHIST.

AT home later mum was reading the instruction manual for the ACME ATOMIC ANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC ARMAGEDDON ANDROID self ASSEMBLY kit AND it didn’t say   ANTHROPOMORPHIC it said ANTHROPOPHAGOUS, so sort of likes human flesh AND APPLE pie (A bit). The Dog has gone “PHEW not dog then”, but mum has insisted ARNOLD the ANDROID ANARCHIST is locked in the ATTIC until we find A large enough AQUARIUM to keep him in. Mum has ALSO told dad that he should take up ALCHEMY next time we get involved in the letter A. 

Ukraine, Russia, Mr Putin and the West

 As an ordinary chap in the UK who over the years has been writing a rather erratic diary which admittedly has at times been a bit strange. I feel it is time for me to write something about the present situation in Ukraine. Mr Putin has blamed Nato, The EU, Britain and the US for his actions in sending troops into the country. On the grounds that they are threatening Russia. Now I'm sure there are folk out there that will say  . . . Yes its True . . . but I dont agree because it's not true. You see Mr Putin does not always work in the interests of Russia, but does work in the interests of Mr Putin. He is reputably one of the richest men in the world and those around him, his long standing circle of oligarchs have also become incredibly wealthy too. I mean if you can afford a 6oo million pound yacht and 100 million pound houses then we are talking serious money. So the truth is that Mr Putin and his friends have milked the Russian economy for many many years. Not really the actions of a great leader although sadly a course taken by other world leaders over time. Power as the old saying goes corrupts. 

Many have even called Mr Putin and his little gang Russian Mafia something I am unable to comment on, but will say as an ordinary chap in the UK it does look a bit like that might be true. However I have little trust in the UK Government at present either and it appears the Tory Party have been happy to take Russian money for ages and also seem a bit slow on sanctions of  Russian individuals.

As things stand Russian forces are using what are regarded as classic Russian fighting methods to slowly destroy towns and cities using long range artillery and missiles destroying houses shops and the general fabric of society. Mr Putin firmly puts all this destruction down to Extremists, Nazis and Western Powers. And his own troops are saving the Ukrainian people. If you live in Russia and read this well that is not true. OOoooooo No I'm afraid Mr Putin is destroying Ukraine. 

Here in the UK I can safely say that I think our present Prime Minister Boris Johnson is rubbish and I'm sure he thought the whole Prime Minister thing would be one big Jolly for him and his pals to make money and get knighthoods before retiring. If I openly suggested such a thing about Mr Putin in Russia I would probably vanish. What this means is news reported in Britain can be far more critical and subjective than in Russia where at a time like this reporters report what they are told to report or else. So many ordinary Russians just dont realise what is being done in their name or just how many people both Russian and Ukrainian are dying because of one man's deluded ambitions. Not for his country but for himself. To protest in Russia you have to be very very brave indeed.

What Mr Putin thinks the outcome of all this will be I just dont know, it is very likely he will be unable to travel outside Russia in the future and will end up with more weapons pointing at him than he could shake a stick at as the west gets as paranoid as he is. He has made a terrible error and it is not one that can be undone.

I will return to this but right now it is late and time to sleep. I am lucky I have a bed and a safe home unlike so many in Ukraine. 

THe Princess and the Frog . . . . A Fairy Tale

 

Once upon a time there was a small frog, but he was a small frog with grand ideas. In fact he spend much of his life convinced he was a Prince. This meant that all the small frog had to do was get a passing Princess to kiss him and and he would be propelled into the lifestyle he though his life deserved. (Something we all think at times). So to this end he spend much of his time by the side of a busy road on a particularly damp mound waiting for a princess to pass. More common than you might think as the road led to the Kings Castle a place where Princesses would often go looking for a Prince to marry. 

Now most of the time when the little frog called out to a passing Princess that he was a Prince and that if they kissed him they would be well impressed, the Princess would scream and run away. Most Princesses do not read popular fairy tales so were unaware of such a possibility. However every now and again a passing Princess would think . . . . . .Well it can do no harm and you never know . . . . The problem was that when the Princess kissed the little frog they were instantly turned into a small frog. Not what the Princess (or the little frog) had in mind and they would scream and leap off into the distance (probably coming to rest in a suitable pond). 

The little frog did not get to downhearted by this and put it down to technical issues to do with the magic involved and the passing Princesses general DNA. After all as he would often tell other critters such as snails, mice and wood pigeons. It was not that the magic did not work it was just that it did not work quite as planned. Lets face it we are all very used to plans that do not work as planned, OK maybe it's just me then.

Now as time passed rumours of missing Princesses started to reach the Kings Castle and the King as you might expect was not entirely happy about this. I mean these were not just ordinary folk that vanished on a regular basis for all sorts of reasons. No these were Princesses they were important folk and therefore something needed to be done about it.

The King was sure that some sort of huge monster or dragon must be eating the Princesses after all that is what normally happens in these sorts of fairy tale and the King had read loads of them. So he put together a band of his best Knights and set off on his quest to defeat the beast and become a great hero. He was convinced that this was a tale of The Good Heroic King, His Trusty Brave Knights, The Monster/Dragon, a Princess (or 2 or more) and a Witch. 

Ah yes no one has mentioned the Witch yet have they. Well the Witch lived in the great forest as many Witches tend too and was extremely friendly doing no one any harm whatsoever and keeping a low profile. Folk back then were not always friendly towards witches and would often do terrible things to them. 

Back at the Kings Castle a great banquet was held by the King before he set off on his quest to save the many missing Princesses or at least kill the monster that has probably eaten them. Then to much cheering and waving of flags early the following morning the King left the castle and the grand pressession headed towards the mountains where it was assumed the terrible beast lived. 

Well as we all know the King was entirely wrong about everything and because of this his quest did not entirely go to plan (as the little frog had found out himself plans do not always go to plan). And so after many false leads the King and his Knights conceded that they may have to return to the castle and possibly sort of make up a bit of a story to avoid looking very silly. The castle had been left in the hands of an elderly, but trusted Knight to look after. These were the days when Kings had to keep an eye on things. Turn your back for a bit and before you knew it someone else who thought they should be King would be raising an army to get rid of you. The elderly Knight however did a good job and everyone at the castle was extremely happy and all was well.

And so it was that the elderly Knight received a message after many months of the Kings impending return. The Knight thought he would ride out to meet the King and welcome him back and so it was that he happen to ride past a small damp mound at the side of the road with a small frog sitting on it. The little frog asked the Knight whether he had seen any Princesses and explained that he was very annoyed that everytime he kissed them to become a handsome Prince it all went wrong and they would turn into little frogs. The elderly Knight was not a fool he realized that the Kings quest had been futile and rather than a huge monster/dragon eating all the Princesses they were in fact all living in the forest in ponds. He also knew of the Witch in the forest, they had been friends years ago and so he thought  . . . I know Ethel the Witch can sort this out dead easy . . . . And as the King and his entourage of Knights rode down the road towards the castle what came into view was the elderly Knight, a Witch, a small frog and a large group of very wet Princesses. 

The elderly Knight explained to the King what had happened to the Princesses and that they had now been turned back to normal from frogs and that everything was as it should be once again. Well much to the elderly Knights surprise the King was far from happy, after all he had been on his quest for many months. He was not pleased at the thought of returning to the castle with nothing to show how brave he was, just a small and in his opinion a very stupid little frog. So the King demanded that the Witch should conjure up a huge scary dragon with wings, pointy teeth a big claws so that he and his Knights could defeat the beast and take its remains to the castle to show the world how brave they were.

Despite advice from not only the elderly Knight, the Witch and even the small frog not to fight a huge beast the King insisted and so the Witch as requested produced a Dragon for the King and his Knights to fight. The King and his men were very impressive, but of course the outcome was that they were all eaten. The dragon then flying off towards the mountains never to be seen again leaving the elderly Knight, the Witch and the small frog to ponder. 

That did not entirely go to plan said the small frog. Things seldon do replied the elderly Knight wisely.Adding I guess I must return to the castle, the Witch also adding and myself back into the forest I think. And with that the both left. 

The small frog suddenly found himself all alone, the Princesses having all run off screaming at the first sight of the huge scary dragon. Well that is what the small frog thought, but it was not true. You see sitting behind the small frog was another small frog. It seemed that one of the Princesses decided that she prefered to be a small frog. There were many reasons for this, but that is an entirely different story which is far to long to tell here. Anyway after a long long chat and time spent together catching flies the two small frogs vanished off into a pond deep in the forest not far from the Witch who would often pass and say hello and they lived happily ever after.   

Nearly but not quite the End

Yes you see fairytales need morals and this one is no different to any of the others although to be frank fairytales dont have the same morals as they used to. That sadly is the way things are these days. So what morals and wise things can we deduce from this story. Firstly it is clear that whatever plans you make it is very likely they will not go to plan. OOOooooooo I have discovered this more times than I care to think about. Secondly beware what you wish for, look at the poor old King and his Knights out to save the Princesses and wanting to fight a huge dragon. That certainly did not go to plan or end well for them. And then the small frog who wanted to be a Prince finally realized that being a small frog did not mean he could not be a Prince and that a true Princess or Prince was all about what was your/their heart not what they/you look like. 

So there you have it thats it The END . . . . . or is it. . . . .