Poetry for an Unknown Thing

Is it here?

Is it there?

Is it somewhere?

A bit elsewhere

Is it up

Is it down

In the Sky

Or underground

Is it big?

Is it round?

Is it lost?

Or maybe found

Will it bite?

Or will it chew

I wish sometimes

I wish I knew

Is it self assembly?

And in a kit

Or in a cardboard box

In which it might just fit

Some are Red

Some are Blue

Second hand

Or even New

And self righting

Is a useful thing

So get one with

The added

Self righting Spring

Trendy now

In a nice Jet Black

With discreet controls

And battery Pack

Buy one now

And get one free

A better deal

You’ll never See

And if you lose yours

On the train

Its homing device

Will get it back

To you again

They like to play

Chasing sticks

And will squeak and Hum

And make strange little Clicks

It’s a great device

If you snore

And is now patented

By Me

Rob Z Tobor.

Available through no leading retailers

May contain Nuts 

I Spy With my Little Eye something beginning with C . . . Yes Christmas is not far away

Now one of the things I did today was go out and do a small bit of Christmas shopping, partly because we have an advent calendar with little boxes and they need some small and hopefully practical or jolly things in each one. This means I do not have long as it is my job to fill all the odd numbers, and the 1^st December is not far away. However I am bitter and twisted and a very grumpy chap and on top of that it was wet windy cold and dark today so as I wandered round a large complex of a store a few miles away I was not doing well.  One of the problems I had was finding small interesting or jolly things that were small enough to go into our advent calendar. Each year I think to myself I must make more stuff for Christmas, but then the great holder of the hands of time suddenly spins them round and I don’t have time to do it. I am sure he does this on purpose and is secretly laughing at me.

Anyway I got a couple of things and still have many things I wish to make and do, so I may be away for a couple of days. . . . . or at least not posting stuff that is of the moment, interesting and makes any sense. . . . . . . . . . We will see. 

I have noticed through the strange medium of social media that some folk have put up and decorated Christmas trees . . . . . . WHAT it is not December yet. Don’t folk remember what Christmas is all about, it is the old pagan midwinter festival where for a couple of days we all have a good time . . . . . . OK some might be celebrating the Baby Jesus, but he was born in October; but which ever you celebrate the one common point is, it does not last for several weeks it is a few days.  It all went wrong when the multinational companies decided we all needed to spend loads of money on stuff rather than actually all just smiling at each other and making sure the little old lady next door is warm and has something to eat.  I know I am no different to everyone else I buy stuff and play the game and watch The Great Escape on TV like all the other folk do. . . . But I have sneakily made a few rather posh looking paper chains with plans for some other bits also.

So just to warn you all my posts may reduce for a few days or so while I plan my plans to get stuff done. Ho Ho Ho . . . . Phew.      

Global Warming, Chaos theory and the Mask from Spectre

The World is a strange and complex place as we all know with its many conflicts that lead to fighting wars and death. And every now and again I will stick my pointy stick into the debate and make a few comments. Of course these comments do not make a difference, well none that are perceivably visible to the masses. Although as I have said many times one of the more interesting aspects of Chaos theory, (which as we all know is the butterfly in the Welsh valleys that flaps its wings, which in turn leads to a terrible storm in Antarctica.) is that my small blog might just lead to world peace. . . . . . Yes OK that is mad but the point is everything is interlinked in such a way that I could say that it is just possible that my actions could in the end effect your actions.  

The reason I mention this tonight is because I was a little amused to read that the vast majority of people today are less worried by climate change than they were in 2009. OK that sort of thing happens but apparently one of the reasons is to do with the world economics. It appears that folk are concerned that spending huge sums of money on reducing green house gasses could make the world economy even slower and we will all be worse off.

Well this might be true, but it is also true that at some point global warming regardless of the cause will make the planet more and more difficult to live as we do. It seems that most folk would rather have a good time now and not worry too much about the long term future. It is not a surprise as it is this logic that make folk take out huge loans with terrible interest rates in order to have the good times now. And its not just individuals entire countries will overspend in order to maintain a lifestyle we all think we deserve.  And despite Mr Osborne our Chancellor of the Exchequer saying he is trying to balance the books, it was his lot that messed things up in the eighties and set the present mindset in the minds of the masses.  

So you see what the future holds according to Science is extremes of weather, which here in the UK will mean droughts followed by flooding and terrible storms and no one will have and money just a posh phone and a big television.  But it will mean they will be able to watch the extreme weather on their TV and then tweet about it.

I’m sure I had something important to mention but I can’t remember what it was now DAMN. I really need a new brain.

OOOOoooo I started working on that mask I said I would make. It is apparently the skull mask from that spectre film with James Bond . . . It is a bit trickier than it appears to be. Well it is when you have a budget of 53p to make it; I suspect the budget for the original one was rather more. . . .But I like a bit of a challenge. It is a cunning design to get right but I have it sussed now

I must do a bit of Christmas shopping too as well as make a few Christmas things. . . Busy busy busy.          

Hogwarts Academy of Modern Apprenticeship. . . A story of confusion

As we all know the changing face of Wizardry and magic over the years led to some interesting diversity among the various wizard schools throughout the kingdom. Not the least of which was the building of the new Hogwarts Academy of Modern Apprenticeships know to all as Hog-Watts. It got this nickname from its rather successful electronic engineering apprenticeship for wayward wizards who were rather more practically based rather than magic based in their skills.

Of course when the new wing of Hogwarts first opened all was not well, many of the old traditional Professors as well as students were far from happy with what they saw as a step into the world of Muggles.  It was not helped when a very elderly Professor Dumbledore told one of the new Electronics classes, he found the situation shocking. Which only made the class snigger as one of the students connected him to a high voltage cable to make his eyes light up, (not quite the sort of shocking he had in mind).  But times change and the days when a wizard could make a decent living from selling strange potions or fighting the terrible forces of darkness with a dodgy wand made from hazel wood were passing fast.

You see it was now up to the new enlightened professors with their Quantum Mechanics, Particle Physics and superconductors to attract the best students to Hogwarts so the School could charge the Ministry of Magic huge fees to teach the new (modern and progressive) class of wizards. 

Professor Brian Cathode-Cox Pixilation or Sparky as he was known to the students was head of the new facility and through his skills and guidance made Hogwarts what is today.  He is most famed for his development of the light sabre, the Death Star and his very popular r2d2 Quidditch automated adjudicator which he developed after several suspect referee decisions.

there were those however who just could not deal with all the modernisation and new teaching methods at Hogwarts and one in particular a Professor Rubeus Hagrid ran off to join up with a chap called Darth Vader who paid him a rather large sum of money for the detailed plans to several of  Professor Brian Cathode-Cox Pixilation’s inventions. Apparently they both lost the plot completely and had delusions of taking over the entire universe. With their terrible battle cry. . . . High Ho silver and away  . . .

I would tell you more about this, but I find myself sat in a dark cave hiding somewhere in Middle Earth with some sort of Hobbit critter called Dobby who keeps saying he needs to find the ring. I think he has lost the plot also. It appears we have to stay here and lay low for a while because a huge army of copyright lawyers from several well known films are in pursuit saying I am a plagiarist and a bad one at that . . . . . . . As for Dobby he is saying something about . . . ET Home Phone he wants . . .Rob Z Tobor idiot me so Thinks I do. . . 

Ooo o o o o  hang on what’s that

Is it a Bird, is it a Plane. . . . No it appears to be sword stuck in a large stone. Well that’s a bit odd. 

A rather odd response to the Chancellors Autumn Statement

The Elephant in the room . . . .  (Sea)

Slimpe flimg hoveling bing balley how fly crospa thing in the pink floo go zolos big hist chip pooly gharna fly kjdfzlakjaf n nf adsapwru akdjk j spoly adfhfj sjfh sfj os0riwue.  I urii uq0 q08wqrt-ty9  dksfjf polly nad hoosker trip fol ajdkad adjka jkds ad kjdkjdk a-wer  ksjfdksfj sjf sfkj  pgdh pkk n mn sfnmasdb nka n b bandkrj  ad b and then fkskf chanceling rubbish a ncvmvmvn sa gobbledy gook.

 jhaverhd h aoud mini asdj  statement fsdhjfhj hh finances and   sjflj tax sjl  as well as a right old load of zcxvbxvcbv about balances bookes on his head. Anyway that joalster armie flea splat Mr Osborne babbled on for at lefxcbnvb an hour I reckon and although I (cxcvbsddi) sort of listened and blustied about in the waine a bit. I think it was not right.

Which brings me to my nest point ffhrrrjhjhfk and stuff is all very well, but I mean it fhjsjfghhf feste seems to get harder to understand kfjskfjlsisurif hisiltol glue stool pop d djskasd each year. At least in the olds days he put a couple of pence on a bottle of wine, everyone complained and blunstile approllist adsfsrfdsgf and we would throw seagulls at him. But not now . . . . now you need to have a degree in finance to even understand what he is saying. Which is of course the plan, because if you did know what the Chancellor of the Exchequer was on about then you would also know all is not what it seems.  And he has pinched your money again

I mean just how can anyone complain when they don’t understand a word of it, well not the bits where he nicks your money back anyway. . . . .  So all I can say in response to our old mate Mr George Osborne is . . . . Scrimble flip boo kistal jim spol greb askfjlk and I hope it hurts too.

Drugs in Sport is one thing but drugs in politics is terrible. . . . . I demand tests on the lot ( NO not tests on the drugs but test on politicians).

OOOOOoooo look a seagull.

Damn this is harder than it loops . . . PHEW    

A Nursery Rhyme for the End of the World.

Could it be that World War Three?

Is about to start rather close to me

Because President Putin is Quite angry

Lets Bomb Bobby Shafto

The West say that they just want to scare

Islamic Terrorists from the air

But the Syrian refugees say it’s not fair

So lets Bomb Bobby Shafto

The Politics of ISIS and Syria . . . . . and other things

As we all know the terrorist incident in Paris continues to be one of the main stories that crops up on the news. Now I was listening to the Today Programme on BBC Radio Four as I lay in bed this morning thinking to myself that appears to be an awful lot of frost outside I wonder how long I can hide in bed. Anyway as I was listening to them discussing what the government would like to do to assist in the battle against IS ISIS ISIL I thought to myself that the chap talking was sort of missing a few points that were rather important. You see he seemed to me to be trying to simplify the whole thing down to the following.

Us in Britain along with France the USA and the other counties of the coalition send our air force on mass to Syria and Iraq bomb ISIS to bits and all will be well and the present president of Syria will then smile and retire off to Russia and an all new Western friendly leader will be put into place and everyone will live in peace. . . . . .

Well I think we are talking fairy land if any government seriously thinks that is what will happen. I mean this in many ways was what was meant to happen in Iraq when the coalition forces left Iraq after they defeated Saddam Hussein. And the political vacuum in Iraq is partly responsible for the rise of ISIS. They (ISIS) have then used the chaos of the conflict in Syria to move into that country also; they did not create it. The problem is it may be possible to destroy them as a group but it will not solve the issues of the Middle East. The various main stream religious groups there are becoming more polarized and the destruction of ISIS is only going to lead to other issues and groups who will fill any political vacuums.

I suspect what the Western governments might be hoping is that they can destroy ISIS and then retreat sharpish  hoping that they can then wash their hands of any involvement as it will not effect them.  I think this is a very foolish idea indeed and if history tells us one thing it is that it all tends to end in a greater mess than it started.

OOOOOOooooooo I made an outdoor Christmas Fairy today using a plastic milk carton and also made two paper chains. . . . . It is good to have the opportunity to do some home-made Christmas stuff.    

The First Zombie Ballard of Christmas 2015

Zombies under carpets

Zombies in the hall

Zombies in the corner store

Zombies playing with a Ball

And if you ask a policeman

How to escape and get away

You will find he is a Zombie

And nibble at your brain

Almost all of the day

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies having fun

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies on the run

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Tap dancing on the floor

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies tapping at your door

Zombies disguised as cats

Zombies in a tree

Zombies behind curtains

Zombies chasing me 

And it’s no good hiding in the graveyard

Because Zombies like it there

And the vicar will not protect you

Because he is a Zombie

And will not care

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies having fun

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies on the run

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Tap dancing on the floor

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies tapping at your door

Zombies on the tele

Zombies pointing at your head

Zombies in the Goldfish bowl

Zombies in your bed

Zombies are clever beasts

Using their cunning and the their guile

Pretending they are friendly

With their friendly Zombie Smile 

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies having fun

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies on the run

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Tap dancing on the floor

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies tapping at your door

Uncle Jacks a Zombie

So is Auntie Flo

And so is that chap Santa

With his evil Ho Ho Ho

Listen out for footsteps

In the drifting snow

Because it’s probably Santa’s

Little Zombie Helpers

Which means its time to go?

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies having fun

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies on the run

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Tap dancing on the floor

Zombies Zombies Zombieeeees

Zombies tapping at your door

Poetry for Creatures Hiding in Shadows

The pitter patter of tiny feet

Upon the cold, dark and wet scary street

Might be a Witch or a Zombieeeeee

Or the invisible man; who you never see

Or it might be a Werewolf who will loudly howl

Or something scarier on the prowl

Or a Mummy from an Egyptian tomb

Or the Great Winged Dragon of Ultimate Doom

Or a tiny Goblin with a pointy knife

Or that Count Dracula’s demonic bloodthirsty wife

Or it might be a Cat that is ten feet tall

Or a Banshee with its terrible call

Or Uncle Jim drunk staggering home

Or a homemade monster made with bits of spare flesh and bone

Or a Ghost wearing steel toecap boots

Or a Triffid scurrying on its horrible roots

Or the Sandman carrying a Gladstone bag

Or Rumblestilskin or a Psychotic Hag

Or a mad Goat that has eaten too much toast

Or the Haunted Hog that was once a Roast

But one things for sure as you increase your pace

Its cold clammy hand

Will wrap round your face

And its Vampire’s teeth will bite your neck

If you try to turn just to check

Surely you can’t be the victim of such an evil curse

Although it could be

Something

Even

Worse

HAH HA Hah a ha ha a ha ha ha ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah a ha hah

Of Course

The Creature from the Black Lagoon

Ran away

But might come back

SOON

The Wisdom of Age

Look I made a face

Well there are certain disadvantages in getting older which folk don’t appreciate until they get older.  You see due to past circumstances I now find I have the body of a 99 year old and the mind of a 9 year old. I know I am not 99 years old but a very long time ago a chap decided to attack me with a large lump of metal which was about the weight, size and shape of the average British cat (sorry Car). . . . It was in fact an average car. It was also not nice and at the time I was very battered, but I recovered. However I have since discovered that the draw back to such events is the poor old body as it gets old says to itself or the brain . . . .  Hang on I think I am feeling a bit Knackered. . . .  So the result is I now have the body of a 99 year old.

There is another interesting thing that can happen to folk as they get older, I think us chaps are very prone to it and that is after a certain age you start going backwards mentally, leading to my statement of having the body of a 99 year old and the mind of a 9 year old

Now I started by saying there are certain disadvantages in this and so there are, you see a nine year old likes to chase seagulls on the beach with say a large plastic dinosaur making roaring noises (this is not recommended if you are a grumpy old chap).  A nine year old will happily climb a tree and pretend to be an alien in the park shouting . . . Take me to your leader . . . at a squirrel (this is not recommended if you are a grumpy old chap).  And apparently standing in a supermarket trolley in Sainsbury’s pretending you are a huge monster Octopus fighting a gang of pirates. . . OK Little Old ladies. . .  with a freshly baked French loaf, is something that the store manager will disapprove of and tell you off and ban you for ages.

Luckily there is one plus to having the mind of a nine year old and it is that a few days later you have forgotten that you have been banned and that you had to be rescued from a tree by the fire brigade or that you were totally knackered for several days after chasing seagulls.  

I was always told when I was little that when you get old you became wise and that folk will come and see you and ask you important questions about the world and stuff.  And now I think I understand why the world is in a bit of a mess. You see I think what is happening is that people do go and ask the wise old sages and leaders of religions and tribes and counties and crumbly old grumpy folk like me what they should do and we apply all the wisdom that our nine year old minds can muster up and say things like. . . . Attack them with youR terrible Martian Death Ray and put FROG-SPAWN in their briefcases HAH HAhah ah ah ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ah ah ah ha ha ha ha . . . . . .          

Well as old wise folk our wisdom is not questioned unless of course we are standing in a supermarket trolley in the freezer section of the local store pretending we are a parrot. Then folk tend not to come and see me (sorry You). . . . . . .

Poetry for Chickens Crossing Roads

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was it to get to the other side?

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was it from a fox

He was trying to hide

But

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was he (OK yes Her) running

From a gang of angry men

But then Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was he off to see his mate . . . The broody Hen

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was he scared by the chimes of?

That big clock Big Ben

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Did he have food stashed?

In a Chickens secret den

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was he racing a Speeding Egg

To find out which one would come first

Or had he spotted a pond

And needed to quench a chicken’s terrible thirst

But

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was he Mad

And quite round the Bend

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Was he trying to get to the End

But

But

But

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I don’t think we will never know

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it really is time to go

Why did the chicken cross the road?

No that’s it . . . . we have finished now . . . .

Why did the chicken cross the road?

O dear its been eaten

By a Large and hungry Cow

Storm Barney Bites and Blows over a Robot

Well as I sit typing away in the security of my little office (well sort of office) the wild winds are now blowing overhead as the second named storm of the year has arrived. It is something of a novelty in Britain to have named storms because in general we don’t get anything bad enough to be worth naming. But I think the National Weather Centre (the Met Office as in Metrological) in a cunning bid to keep their hands on the BBC weather forecast franchise have decided folk like names. And that is indeed true we all like a storm with a cute name, the first one was last week and was called Abigail and now we have Barney, which implies an alphabetical theme going on I suspect. As far as I can tell from here, Barney is blowing harder than Abigail was so I am hoping to see Barney Blow a stone wall over so I can point and say . . . . . Look it’s a pile of Barney Rubble . . . HAH AHAh ah ah a hah ah ahaha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha  . . . . . .  Sadly we do not have any flint stone walls in this part of the world which would make that even better.

The other thing I noticed is that they say there is a small chance of power cuts which means typing away on a device that needs power is like a game of Russian roulette for writers. I was planning on saying failed writers but actually I write loads of stuff it is just that no one actually reads much of it, that is not quite the same thing as being someone who has written stuff read by loads of folk but who no longer writes stuff. A bit like that Shakespeare chap, although to be fair he has quite a good reason for no longer writing much. I mean I would be disheartened if a load of monkeys turned up and we able to write you entire works without ever reading it in the first place,  Its like that chicken and egg problem . . . . . Which can first the Monkey or Shakespeare. . . . Well plainly in that case it’s the monkeys which can only mean Shakespeare copied the complete works of the monkeys

OOOOoooooo I have just lost a paragraph due to a power cut, see I was not kidding it is getting windy out there. So it might well be time to run off and hide for a while . . . . .  OK then chaps head for the fortified bunker, make sure your heads are wrapped in kitchen foil and you have your trusty pointy stick and inflatable Hedgehog (sorry life raft).

I have Just had to go out to save one of the Robots and all I can say is BLOODY HELL. . .

Good Luck Mr H I hope all is well with you

OK that's it powering down and running away. . . .  

Poetry for Man and the Fickle Finger of Fate

The Fickle Finger of Fate

Dances in the Fire

As Man chases his dreams

And the things he does Desire

But all these many dreams

Put man in conflict with his fellow Man

And Fate quietly waits and smiles

As the flames of hate,

Are blown stronger by the Fan

And as Fates Fickle Finger

Watches mans wars and mans Rage

The hands of time slowly

Turn another Page

And History keeps repeating

All the Errors man has made

But man never learns

As the memories

All gently fade

And sometimes there is hope

And sometimes there is not

And sometimes we can’t understand

Why Fate dealt us the hand we’ve got

.

.

.

Wallpaper, Narnia, Religion, Little Old Ladies and a Naked Man

There are many advantages to living in a small village on the English Welsh borders as well as many disadvantages I suspect, but it suits me rather well. You see I am not one who is keen on whizzing off to the bright lights of the city and when you look at the terrible events that have happened in Paris it is easy to see that the slightly rural lifestyle I have chosen does tend to keep me away from such things. Although plainly no one should have to face such events anywhere.

I have been wallpapering the secret doorway to Narnia today from our living room although I did not get the job entirely finished.  Secret doors are rather useful things to have in houses and given a choice I would have loads of them all over the place which would be great, but as my memory is rather bad I would end up forgetting exactly where they were. And anyway it is a lot of work making secret doors because you are sort of forced into doing it yourself these days, otherwise who ever does all the work will know all the secret doors and that would be silly. 

It is a long time since I put any wallpaper up on a wall (secret doors) and so I was not sure exactly how it would go but it worked out fine and this time I was not told off for accidently losing the canary behind a nice William Morris design with canaries on it. It can be hard to find a canary shouting help when faced with an entire wall of them, hiding in a repeated floral design and a bee hiding under a magnolia flower.

I have just realized this is a rather boring post but this is one of those little advantages of a rural lifestyle out in the sticks. OK we have Zombies and Banshees in the Woods and Mr Jones still hunts for Aliens naked (that is Mr Jones naked, not the Aliens), despite the many warnings from the police.  However we do not have any Religious conflicts because the massed mass of little old ladies make sure that everyone goes to the church fund raising events regardless. Even the local devil worshippers are expected to buy raffle tickets to win the highly prized locally made fruit cake, oddly shaped vegetable or knitted Ocelot in lurid pink. And of course no one actually goes to the church because its jolly cold and full of angry devil worshipping bats.

OOOOoooooo and remember don’t let the bad guys win . . . . . stand as one    

The Paris Attacks of 13th Nov 2015 . . . . A Personal View Point.

What kind of logic can justify the killing of so many people in Paris last night.  The So called Islamic State say it is revenge for what is being done in Syria but the logic behind that is foolish and distorted by hate and the few deranged minds that represent the IS leadership.  Just how they can say this is revenge for the war in Syria when they themselves are part of the reason the entire country is falling apart, is in my view madness. ISIS claim to be followers of the Quran but their cruelty hate and vengefulness are not the actions or responses of any true religion. If any religion is to have a long term future then tolerance of those you may not agree with must be one of its cornerstones. Once you say your God is a cruel God who wants you to kill and torture the non believers then that God is one of your own making to suit your own aims. If there is a God then I would like to hope that justice will finally be brought to those who brainwash suicide bombers into such barbaric actions as last night      

It probably is true that the actions of America, Britain and many other Western counties have not helped the situation in the Middle East and it is probably true that the turmoil left after the Iraq war left a window of opportunity for IS to establish itself. But once they started to kill and torture anyone and everyone who they see as non believers then the world was left with little choice but to intervene to try and save the lives of the innocent folk of the area. People need to remember one of the goals of ISIS is to establish a wall of hate between Muslin and Christian, they believe that in the chaos of a war of hate they will rise and take over the world.  I think their leaders have some crackpot idea similar to that of Pol Pot and we all know how well that worked out.

One of the great irony’s of this pointless act of hate is that it will probably force the counties of the West involved in Syria to carry on as they are. . .  I think it is also worth remembering that only a short time ago a Russian plane was blown up with over two hundred innocent Russians on board. And many many hundreds of thousands of ordinary Syrians have died or are now refuges as a result of the complex conflict in Syria and Iraq. I don’t know what the answer is, but I do know one thing ISIS do not represent the word of God in any shape or form.  The greatest thing we can do to stop ISIS is for folk of all nationalities, religions and faith to stand as one and help each other to make a better world. 

Yes I know as if that is going to happen any time soon.

Florence and the Fickleflime

One day young Florence went to the pet shop and bought a fickleflime and took it home. It was a bit of a spontaneous buy because she had never heard of a beast called the fickleflime and it was quite big. But the pet shop owner had given her a small book with all the important things one needs to know in order to keep the fickleflime healthy and happy.

Florence was very happy with her new pet, but when she  showed it to her small brother who had a habit of being rather annoying he pointed and laughed and said what is that . . . . . . . . . .  its really really really ugly

It’s a   fickleflime was Florence’s reply

Well that is a stupid name and why is it blue

Apparently it says in this little book the blue fickleflime is a juvenile said Florence

Well that is stupid why has it got a big scaly red face

Well it says in the book that a big scaly red face means its happy said Florence

Well that is stupid and why has it got such big silly ears

It appears it has big ears so it can listen to its food said Florence

Well that is stupid and why has it got such a big mouth

Well it seems that is so it can eat its dinner really quickly said Florence

That is stupid and anyway what does it actually eat

Well it says here it eats Bens but I think that might be a typing error I think it eats Beans or maybe Buns said Florence

I hope so because I’m called Ben I don’t want that ugly stupid thing to eat me

But with that the fickleflime bent down and in the blink of an eye swallowed Ben whole

AH Said Florence

And they all lived happily ever after. . . . . .except Ben