Never trust a greased pig with a catapult and a vegan pasty

Mum and dad had to go to Shrewsbury today to do things and get stuff like spare batteries for the Geiger counter. They said they stopped for a sandwich in a little café they used to go to lots years ago, although now with different owners. Mum said she had the worst toasted sandwich she has ever had. She did tell them it was the worst toasted sandwich she has ever had but they said that’s how they always make them.

So mum told them it was even worse than the sandwiches that Napoleon Beelzebub feeds to his inmates down in the depths of his cellar and that she would recommend the cook for a job with Mr Beelzebub in the afterlife as he is always on the look out for that sort of talent in his kitchens. The person mum spoke to just said WHAT? And looked confused. Dad was OK, he had a bacon sandwich, he said it reminded him of a little food wagon in a lay-by on the A40 which has long since stopped trading when it was attacked. The attackers were a group of militant pigs in balaclavas who in the early seventies took to attacking road side cafes and vans with vegan pasties and catapults, a vegan pasty catapulted at speed will rip right through the side of a food van.  Dad said the pigs were difficult to catch because they would cover themselves in grease, they were so well know that a saying still well used today became part of the English language. Slipperier than a greased pig. They would often jeer and shout at the police and call them a bunch of pigs but the police would shout at the pigs and call them a bunch of pigs too. Sadly the ring leader unfortunately slipped while covered in too much grease into the garden barbeque of PC Jones who not only got promoted to detective but also had the best barbeque he has ever had. Without their leader the rest of the pigs sold out to capitalism and spent the rest of their days selling truffles in a posh market in London.

Me and the dog quite fancy a bacon butty now but mum said she is going to give us a vegan pasty each for tea, me and the dog said NOT FAIR.