F is For The Franciscan Friars, The Fishermen and the Flamingo.

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

Anyway 10 years where did that go Phew. 

The Letter F

FERRETING about at the FARMERS Market was FABULOUS until a FRACAS between a group of FRENCH FRANCISCAN FRYERS (sorry FRIARS) and the FIERY FIGHTING FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD FLARED up at the FRONT of the FISHMONGERS. It was all to do with FISH Quotas.   The FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD called the FRANCISCAN FRIARS “FRAUDULENT FREAKS” While the FRANCISCAN FRIARS said the FISHERMEN of FISHGUARD smelt of FORMALDEHYDE and FORMATION dancers. And they couldn’t catch FRANKENSTEIN’S monster if it was super glued to their FETLOCKS.     

When the FIGHT FINALLY FINISHED we bumped into FRANK or FINGERS FRANK as he is known he said “ Hello want to buy some FRANKINCENSE then; FOUR Quid and no Questions nudge nudge, FELL off a FORKLIFT hA hA hA.” FRANK is a FUNNY FELLOW

We were looking at a FLEA market stall and saw a FORGED FLYING FLAMINGO and FRANK said, “Worth a FORTUNE it’s a FAMOUS FORGED FOURTH century FIGURE of a bird goddess Robbie me mate Ha ha ha hah ha , offer him FIFTY and I’ll FIX a deal wiv a good FENCE”…………..  “FIFTY Quid …..FLIP me” said FLORENCE on the FLEA market stall. It’s  only an old FERROUS FLAMINGO from the FAMILY FARM. 

Mum was FURIOUS that I had been on the FIDDLE with FRANK and said the FLAMINGO was FILTHY so I had to clean it.  I have spent all day with FIBROUS clothes and FEATHERS FEVERISHLY polishing and have FINALLY FINISHED. 

Mum, Dad, the dog and Captain FLINT the parrot have all come to see and have all said F***********ing  H*****lllllll it is made of Gold. So FINGERS FRANK was right

The Ecological Elliptical Earth Engine and the Evils of money

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

MMMMmmmmmm some of you may notice that there is sometimes a bit of discrepancy with my formatting between posts. Well over the years I have changed stuff from time to time and as a result occasionally something weird will happen. Annoying but right now I dont have time to sort it DAMN.

The Letter E

 Esmeralda (a long standing character of my diary), has much empathy with E (the letter not the tablet) and is enjoying Easter with Easter eggs and Entertaining Everyone by Exploring Eels and Echinoderm (Starfish). She entirely blames them for her Eczema and the rather embittered and emotional employment of explosives to END her embarrassment is encouraged by Mr Evans of Evans Emporium where she purchases the explosives and eels. I feel he encourages her for his own Evil ends i.e. money (the route of all Evil)  

Dad, a new age Environmentalist and expert Engineer has built England’s first Ecological Elliptical Earth Engine, which runs entirely on Elderberries. Using Electrolysis and Electronics to produce an electromotive force from the Elaborate elliptical orbit of Elderberry Electrons in an erroneous effervescent electrolyte.  I feel some of you may need to consult an Encyclopaedia to entirely understand everything although I know Mr ESB (A member of R.A.T.S) will be very enamoured by this enormous epoch, encouraging him to continue his own experiments with his Chicken Sandwiches.

The  Elite of the European Elliptical Earth Engine Club say it is an exemplary example of an Elliptical Earth Engine and having examined it say its execution and extraction of Energy from Elderberries is an evolutionary event in the elliptical engines evolution (note the clever use of the same word twice HAH HAHHAH HAHh hahhahh ).

Because of dads enterprising efforts, the European Elliptical Earth Engine Club have awarded dad a posh certificate but dad said “A B*******  posh certificate I was hoping for loads of money” and has exploded the  Ecological Elliptical Earth Engine……. adding EASY come EASY go.

Money you see, is the route of all evil; but great for explosions. Mum says Dad is an Egghead but also an IDIOT

Hopefully the Explosive End of the Earth Engine and dads Experimenting will see the Weather return to normal

ELVIS is still the KING ...... Listen or Else...........

The Demented Deadly Dormice of Doom

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

 

The Letter D

DamN it appears the Department of Demons and Demonic Diseases has depressed dad saying we have a dodgy infestation of the demented Deadly Dormice of Doom in the dinning Room. Disposed of by  (Well Dropped)  by a Dutch Drunkard from his duffel bag; who had been drinking, and dancing  with the dog on the doorstep in the dead of night, celebrating the Death of the Diamond  Duchess of Demark in 1871 (hang on I know that year from the A to Z list). The demented Deadly Dormice of Doom have dug down into the dark dank decaying depths of the draughty dungeons (OK the Cellar).  Definitely adding to the difficulty and discomfort of a diabolically dodgy drove of deadly doomsday animals and Androids.

Mum says it’s a disgrace and has sent the dog down to dislodge them, (ARNOLD the ANDROID ANARCHIST, the Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia and The demented Deadly Dormice of Doom).

After much discussion and debate and a bit of despair, the dog has disembowelled a couple of the demented Deadly Dormice of Doom who have raised the white flag (a dirty white flag) and are departing dispirited and in dishonour. It appears the Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia is depressed due to a sudden downpour of deep snow (SNOW……..WHAT?????)  and the AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE ANDROID (ARNOLD the ANDROID ANARCHIST) is suffering from distemper and is asking for Doughnuts and Dolly Mixture. And says just because they look like the devil doesn’t mean they are degenerates and it is definitely discrimination of deadly demons and Androids. And that it is dehumanizing. ……….Well if you’re not a human, although I guess he was ANTHROPOMORPHIC

ANTHROPOMORPHIC hang on I’m back at A again how did that happen ……..Mum has added IDIOT (sorry Dimwit) …… I blame the snow.

.

..

Catching the Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

Anyway 10 years where did that go Phew. 

The Letter C

CRICKS we appear to have a Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia in our cellar, the dog says the cats (Heavy Harry and Sooty) caught it and then it crept off into the cellar. Dad says they are clever critters and can consume a tin of cat food in a couple of seconds and will cut the tin open themselves…. COOL. I think the cats must have been creeping about in the crypt of the church and got it confused or cornered cos they eat cats.   

It appears the cats thought is was some sort of Chinese COCKroach and were very (to put it mildly) Cock a hoop particularly as it had just eaten the Chaplin’s (the Rev Clark) Cockerel and Cocker spaniel, a coconut and a pair of cycle clips.  Clearly caution is needed it all reminds me of the film “The Creeping Unknown” at a Cinema near you sometime in the last Century. I’m sure the creature in that was a bit like Cyclops with the one eye. I have added the Youtube clip to make a comparison.

Dad is constructing a steam powered catapult and the dog drinking a cup of tea and is consulting his chemistry set to make a complex chemical compound using chloroform to choke or Kill (Dam wrong K) the  Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia.  The Church Choir are chanting “Catch the Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia” while chewing cake and mum has suggested we set   Arnold the Android Anarchist from the Letter A on it and see who wins ………Well COOL

OOoooooooooo by the way …….. COUS COUS, cabbage and Chinese Chicken Curry with Cheddar CHEESE for Tea tonight …………………….. YUM

C whose a clever chappie then ……………… Mum has just said IDIOT (sorry CLOT)