Catching the Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad. 

Anyway 10 years where did that go Phew. 

The Letter C

CRICKS we appear to have a Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia in our cellar, the dog says the cats (Heavy Harry and Sooty) caught it and then it crept off into the cellar. Dad says they are clever critters and can consume a tin of cat food in a couple of seconds and will cut the tin open themselves…. COOL. I think the cats must have been creeping about in the crypt of the church and got it confused or cornered cos they eat cats.   

It appears the cats thought is was some sort of Chinese COCKroach and were very (to put it mildly) Cock a hoop particularly as it had just eaten the Chaplin’s (the Rev Clark) Cockerel and Cocker spaniel, a coconut and a pair of cycle clips.  Clearly caution is needed it all reminds me of the film “The Creeping Unknown” at a Cinema near you sometime in the last Century. I’m sure the creature in that was a bit like Cyclops with the one eye. I have added the Youtube clip to make a comparison.

Dad is constructing a steam powered catapult and the dog drinking a cup of tea and is consulting his chemistry set to make a complex chemical compound using chloroform to choke or Kill (Dam wrong K) the  Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia.  The Church Choir are chanting “Catch the Carnivorous Cave Crab of Cambodia” while chewing cake and mum has suggested we set   Arnold the Android Anarchist from the Letter A on it and see who wins ………Well COOL

OOoooooooooo by the way …….. COUS COUS, cabbage and Chinese Chicken Curry with Cheddar CHEESE for Tea tonight …………………….. YUM

C whose a clever chappie then ……………… Mum has just said IDIOT (sorry CLOT) 

Burning Bilberry Bushes, Biodiversity and banshees

 

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad.

The Letter B

BECAUSE today is Monday Mum has made BUNS so today is now BUN-DAY much BETTER.  BIOLOGY in School today with Mr BRADFORD (a BUDDING BUDDHIST BIO-CHEMIST) was BRILLIANT.  “The BIOLOGY of a BILBERRY BUSH”, and despite BERNARD’S BEST attempts to BURN the BILBERRY BUSH (he says he had read about a BURNING BUSH somewhere) BEING BROUGHT to an abrupt stop by BEING BASHED on the head with a BASEBALL BAT by Mr BRADFORD the BIOLOGY teacher. The BUSH was still a BOUNTIFUL BIOSPHERE of BREATHTAKING BEETLES, BUMBLE BEES, BRONTOSAURUS and BIG BAD BURROWING BEASTS from BYZANTIUM……… AH I might have got a BIT carried away there. Mum has said BUFFOON (NOT IDIOT TODAY).       

However while BOUNCING BACK to the classroom through the BRACKEN, the BANSHEE’S came to see me, we are the BEST of BUDDIES from way BACK.  BUT BANSHEES always scare folk so Mr BRADFORD and some of Class B52 threw BUTTERED BUNS at the BANSHEES shouting “BE gone BEASTS you will give us BRONCHITIS and BUBONIC Plague and BLUE BOILS and BULLY our BUDGERIGARS.  It was the BRUSSELS sprouts that finally made the BANSHEES BACK off, BACK into the BROADLEAF trees of the woods. You can’t BLAME them, BRUSSELS sprouts …….YUK.

The rest of the day in school was BITTERLY BORING but that was BECAUSE it appeared that everyone else had started their Easter Holidays……………………….AH DAM, Mum said IDIOT (sorry BUFFOON)

BACK to BURYING BRASSICA’S and BROAD BEANS, and BUILDING the sculpture.      

I’m off now BECAUSE I am Drumming (Djembe)   soon with the BAND ….. BRILLIANT. The truth is never good for B’s

.

Aprils Anticipated Arrival of a (alphabet Associated), ACME ATOMIC ANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC ARMAGEDDON ANDROID

10 years ago this was my first-ish A to Z. A time when I wrote a diary in a rather distinctive style as the eccentric child of cyberspace . . . . . I say first-ish because I did a practice run in March 2012 so I sort of did it twice.

A little Mad but then doing the A to Z can drive a chap mad.

So to the Letter A

An AUTOMATED ALUMINIUM AND ANTIMONY ARTICULATED ARMOUR plated ALBINO ARANEOMORPHAE (SPIDER SORT OF THING) ANDROID eating AUNTIE’S ARMCHAIR during breakfast was ALTOGETHER AVANT-GARDE. Dad ASSEMBLED it from AN ACME ATOMIC ANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC ARMAGEDDON ANDROID self ASSEMBLY kit AND modified it A bit to improve the AESTHETICS.  Being ANTHROPOMORPHIC it had eaten Coco pops AND cream first plus Toast AND ANCHOVIES, ALTHOUGH mum was ANNOYED that it ATE the plates too, but is saves on washing up. AND it read the newspaper, showing some interest in stories on the ABYSSINIAN AIRFORCE, APHIDS in the ALPS AND ALIENS.     

Dad thinks its eaten AN ANTELOPE, AARDVARK AND AN ARMADILLO ALSO….. Well AWESOME, APPARENTLY it uses ANALOGUE Logic AND ASCII to ANALYSE the ATMOSPHERE AND it’s surroundings.

Me AND the dog took ARNOLD AS we have called it (him?) for A walk but it ran AMOK AND ATE the ANTIQUE dealer AND his AIREDALE; the dog and I never liked the AIREDALE it was ALWAYS a bit ALOOF. But we think ARNOLD is AN ANARCHIST.

AT home later mum was reading the instruction manual for the ACME ATOMIC ANT ANTHROPOMORPHIC ARMAGEDDON ANDROID self ASSEMBLY kit AND it didn’t say   ANTHROPOMORPHIC it said ANTHROPOPHAGOUS, so sort of likes human flesh AND APPLE pie (A bit). The Dog has gone “PHEW not dog then”, but mum has insisted ARNOLD the ANDROID ANARCHIST is locked in the ATTIC until we find A large enough AQUARIUM to keep him in. Mum has ALSO told dad that he should take up ALCHEMY next time we get involved in the letter A. 

Ukraine, Russia, Mr Putin and the West

 As an ordinary chap in the UK who over the years has been writing a rather erratic diary which admittedly has at times been a bit strange. I feel it is time for me to write something about the present situation in Ukraine. Mr Putin has blamed Nato, The EU, Britain and the US for his actions in sending troops into the country. On the grounds that they are threatening Russia. Now I'm sure there are folk out there that will say  . . . Yes its True . . . but I dont agree because it's not true. You see Mr Putin does not always work in the interests of Russia, but does work in the interests of Mr Putin. He is reputably one of the richest men in the world and those around him, his long standing circle of oligarchs have also become incredibly wealthy too. I mean if you can afford a 6oo million pound yacht and 100 million pound houses then we are talking serious money. So the truth is that Mr Putin and his friends have milked the Russian economy for many many years. Not really the actions of a great leader although sadly a course taken by other world leaders over time. Power as the old saying goes corrupts. 

Many have even called Mr Putin and his little gang Russian Mafia something I am unable to comment on, but will say as an ordinary chap in the UK it does look a bit like that might be true. However I have little trust in the UK Government at present either and it appears the Tory Party have been happy to take Russian money for ages and also seem a bit slow on sanctions of  Russian individuals.

As things stand Russian forces are using what are regarded as classic Russian fighting methods to slowly destroy towns and cities using long range artillery and missiles destroying houses shops and the general fabric of society. Mr Putin firmly puts all this destruction down to Extremists, Nazis and Western Powers. And his own troops are saving the Ukrainian people. If you live in Russia and read this well that is not true. OOoooooo No I'm afraid Mr Putin is destroying Ukraine. 

Here in the UK I can safely say that I think our present Prime Minister Boris Johnson is rubbish and I'm sure he thought the whole Prime Minister thing would be one big Jolly for him and his pals to make money and get knighthoods before retiring. If I openly suggested such a thing about Mr Putin in Russia I would probably vanish. What this means is news reported in Britain can be far more critical and subjective than in Russia where at a time like this reporters report what they are told to report or else. So many ordinary Russians just dont realise what is being done in their name or just how many people both Russian and Ukrainian are dying because of one man's deluded ambitions. Not for his country but for himself. To protest in Russia you have to be very very brave indeed.

What Mr Putin thinks the outcome of all this will be I just dont know, it is very likely he will be unable to travel outside Russia in the future and will end up with more weapons pointing at him than he could shake a stick at as the west gets as paranoid as he is. He has made a terrible error and it is not one that can be undone.

I will return to this but right now it is late and time to sleep. I am lucky I have a bed and a safe home unlike so many in Ukraine.