Reuniouns, Proof of Aliens Breeding on Earth and Dogs

Before I return to tell more of the secret mission on the South Wales coast I must first let you know I have been close to the North Wales Coast today on what was a grand reunion for old school friends. I must also add that although I was there it was not a grand reunion for my school and I did not have a clue who anyone was, and they did not know who I was, although they all knew each other. It is odd being at the grand reunion of folk who have not seen one another for up to 40 odd years or so when you have never met them before, but they were all very nice people and I got to have a nice lunch, a hot chocolate and an exciting drive along some of the wettest motorways I have ever been on which was well scary….

So while on the subject of wet scary things I should show you my proof of aliens breeding on the beaches of Saundersfoot in Pembrokeshire, because it is rather convincing. And before anyone thinks I have been tinkering with the picture I can assure you I have not. The only thing I have not worked out is do these aliens remain tiny aliens in which case they can sneak about unseen, after all I did photograph those Nano-Alien spacecraft way back when and those two bits of evidence do rather link up rather well. On the other hand they could grow into huge aliens very fast and pass themselves off as members of the yacht club; in fact could it be the local yacht club is a front for alien activity.

Note the little Alien faces as they emerge from their shells

 One other small thing I noticed about beaches is they have a strange effect on two particular creatures on the planet; both go a bit silly when placed on a nice sandy beach, Humans and Dogs.  Is there a reason for this what is in both men and dogs that makes them run about on beaches digging holes and chasing balls, is the fact that a dog will see man as a god and god is in fact dog backwards significant. Could it be that we both emerged from the primitive earth’s sea millions of years ago at the same time, man throwing his first pointy stick at his prey only to have it returned by a primitive dog wagging his tail and waiting for a treat, did this lead to the hotdog (lead . . . dog . . . Hah HAHHAH ha hah ha hah ha hah ha hah hah ah ah ah ha hhhah hahah ha hah hah ha ha ha hahah ah)      

Sand Circles. Aliens and a Wet Sunday Afternoon

Having been away on a secret mission at the coast for a week in Pembrokeshire where it was warm and sunny, yes that is a bit of a shock but luckily I managed to make Whalesimus the Micro God of Sunny beaches and holiday homes and his trusty Horse of the Sea. However he is not the Micro God of Home and so it is raining today somewhat, more that somewhat really.  I did say I would tell of some of my adventures and as today is cold and damp and I am doing very little in the tradition of a cold damp autumn Sunday, now is a good time to start.  I am sure you will be interested to know that there was much communication with aliens using the old classic Sand Circles method as favoured by many of the less aggressive aliens. Sadly Mr Jones was unable to visit us, but he did send the Ghost Writer down to help interpret messages and supply us with a suitable pointy stick to reply.

I also at one point had to save a dog fish from a rather aggressive seagull, I should point out all seagulls are aggressive even the friendly ones (this was not a friendly seagull). The poor old dog fish was stranded on the beach, I suspect left there by a dog who was annoyed by a fish pretending to be a dog. So the dog was sort of saying OK then Mr Clever lets see you do walkies, which the dog fish failed at rather badly allowing a mad seagull to attempt to eat it alive, not a nice thing to do.  So I returned the dog fish to a deep rock pool where it appeared to recover a bit although I will never know for sure if the dog fish managed to recover and make its way back to the safety of the sea (the world is full of such unknowns)…

I also met a talking telescope which demanded money or it was not going to tell us a thing, I told it that was extortion and I refused to pay him so he just sat there pretending to ignore us. Talking telescopes it appears are unsociable beasts who spend most of their time looking blankly out to sea in a grump.

Right well for now that is about it as I may go and attempt to shrug off the grey cloak of a damp autumn Sunday far from the nearest IKEA.  I will show you conclusive prove of aliens breeding on the beaches of Britain in the next few days, it was a bit of a shock to me too but the camera can not lie.

The Haunted Mill and my Return from the Secret Mission

I have returned from my secret mission (HELLO  AGAIN) which as you know was a secret in the best tradition of secret missions, and I will tell more of this in the following days, the dog fish, the alien message, the pointy stick, the Ghost Writer and the mushroom and the talking telescope as well as the strange yet tiny beasts. So all will become clear in the end, sort of.

But today we were making our way back home through the twisty roads of Mid-Wales from our secret location down on the South Wales coastline and as it happens it turned into a rather interesting little trip. Well I say interesting most of it was regular normal travelling, but we decided to stop and have a cup of tea at a mill, an old weaving mill whose heyday was a long time ago.  It was just a mill with a small shop and a tea room which looked much like any other mill you might pass in the middle of nowhere, and even entering the door was as one might expect…. . . . . . . However ………

You see this mill was a haunted mill, plainly obvious from one of the books it was selling called The Haunted Mill, a clue if ever there was one. We entered the mill along with two other couples and as we moved through the rather rag tag collection of jumpers, souvenirs, books, woven material and some odd things, we heard a mad little old lady shouting. . . . . is there anybody there and ringing a big bell . . . then she was shouting hello is that you and things like that. These are things that people often shout in haunted building and a strange little old lady in an old welsh weaving mill seemed to be very in keeping. However it turned out the little old lady wanted a cup of tea, much like the rest of us and we then realized that the old mill was empty except for the handful of customers. So then we all started shouting is there anybody there and hello while ringing the bell and giggling a lot, although no one went Oooooooooooooo in a ghostly manner just in case.

Then up popped (after a bit of time) an elderly but neat chap who was keen to round us all up, although one couple escaped before he arrived. So we all ordered tea and hid at the back of the tea room sniggering still, although not within view of the man from the mill just in case he was a ghost and was known for putting passers by through weaving machines. Turning them into bizarre woven wall hangings with strange ghostly faces; much like the one hanging on the wall near the spot we were all hiding and sniggering in. None of us had any food, but then more people arrived who did not know of the strange events we had encountered and ordered food, we were not sure the elderly but neat man could make food so we all sniggered again before scurrying off into the afternoon in our different directions.

Ooooooo yes I have made cardboard things while I was away, of which I will tell another day……  

The Greatest Fairy Tale of all Time (no not Snow White and the seven dwarfs)

As I am off on a secret mission which is a secret my diary will not be written for a few days, and no one else wishes to write it while I’m away on the grounds it is rubbish. So in order to keep folk amused (or not) until my triumphant return I have rewritten an old favourite fairy tale, I am no fool, I know it is best to keep to a winning formula to please the punters.

So this is it for now until it is time to start my diary again. I have my trusty pointy stick and will be hunting strange monstrous beasts as I travel.

The Greatest Fairy Tale of all Time

Icy Black and the Seven Giants

Once upon a time there was a grumpy young prince called Icy Black who would wander about the castle of his step-father the King muttering and complaining at crows and seagulls and some of the servants; who would say things like if you grump like that young master Black the wind will change direction and you will be grumpy for life and look like a big Frog. Prince Icy Black would always shout GOOD and stamp about until someone gave him ice cream to keep him quiet. His step-father, King Arthur had a large round table (a talking table) and each day he would ask it table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all, and the table would always say KING ARTHUR.

Then as Prince Icy Black got older he started to really get on the nerves of everyone with his constant grumpiness and then one day when King Arthur said table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Boris the Greengrocer, the King was shocked and asked the table why and of course it was because after nineteen years of grumpiness Prince Icy Black was making everyone unhappy. 

The King thought OK I have had enough of this and sent Prince Icy Black into the forest and gave the nod to the knights to sort of chop his head off. But once in the forest Prince Icy Black complained so much the knights forgot about killing him and stuck cotton wool in their ears and ran back to the castle.

Then as it got dark and prince Icy Black was moaning he was cold and hungry he came across a huge house, as he pushed the door open he was confronted by seven giants who looked at him and complained and grumped for at least an hour about strangers turning up and leaving doors open and not wearing matching shoes.

It turned out that the seven giants were even grumpier than Prince Icy Black which made him very happy so it was a bit of a shock several weeks later when King Arthur asked the round table table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Prince Icy Black. Everyone at the castle thought O NO he might come back so a plot was hatched and an apple was laced with a magic sleeping potion and one of the knights returned to the forest where he made a tower of five apples outside the house of the seven giants. Of course Prince Icy Black could not resist saying he was going to eat the bottom apple destroying the tower, but as he did so he fell asleep and snored really loudly.

When the seven giants returned from their day job of guarding a small village from a group of Japanese samurai bandits they thought, we cant cope with all that snoring so put Prince Icy Black in a sound proof glass box in the woods.  As time passed everyone lived happily until one day a passing princess saw Prince Icy Black and thought Ooooooo I know I will kiss him, and all in an instant he turned into a huge frog and got in a right strop leaping about shouting, so the princess ran off. After chewing a few flies Prince Icy Black thought I know I will go and see King Arthur he will be pleased to see me.

The End . . . . . . . . . . . . Or is it

A Big Fish