The Greatest Fairy Tale of all Time (no not Snow White and the seven dwarfs)

As I am off on a secret mission which is a secret my diary will not be written for a few days, and no one else wishes to write it while I’m away on the grounds it is rubbish. So in order to keep folk amused (or not) until my triumphant return I have rewritten an old favourite fairy tale, I am no fool, I know it is best to keep to a winning formula to please the punters.

So this is it for now until it is time to start my diary again. I have my trusty pointy stick and will be hunting strange monstrous beasts as I travel.

The Greatest Fairy Tale of all Time

Icy Black and the Seven Giants

Once upon a time there was a grumpy young prince called Icy Black who would wander about the castle of his step-father the King muttering and complaining at crows and seagulls and some of the servants; who would say things like if you grump like that young master Black the wind will change direction and you will be grumpy for life and look like a big Frog. Prince Icy Black would always shout GOOD and stamp about until someone gave him ice cream to keep him quiet. His step-father, King Arthur had a large round table (a talking table) and each day he would ask it table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all, and the table would always say KING ARTHUR.

Then as Prince Icy Black got older he started to really get on the nerves of everyone with his constant grumpiness and then one day when King Arthur said table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Boris the Greengrocer, the King was shocked and asked the table why and of course it was because after nineteen years of grumpiness Prince Icy Black was making everyone unhappy. 

The King thought OK I have had enough of this and sent Prince Icy Black into the forest and gave the nod to the knights to sort of chop his head off. But once in the forest Prince Icy Black complained so much the knights forgot about killing him and stuck cotton wool in their ears and ran back to the castle.

Then as it got dark and prince Icy Black was moaning he was cold and hungry he came across a huge house, as he pushed the door open he was confronted by seven giants who looked at him and complained and grumped for at least an hour about strangers turning up and leaving doors open and not wearing matching shoes.

It turned out that the seven giants were even grumpier than Prince Icy Black which made him very happy so it was a bit of a shock several weeks later when King Arthur asked the round table table,table in the hall who is the happiest of them all the table said Prince Icy Black. Everyone at the castle thought O NO he might come back so a plot was hatched and an apple was laced with a magic sleeping potion and one of the knights returned to the forest where he made a tower of five apples outside the house of the seven giants. Of course Prince Icy Black could not resist saying he was going to eat the bottom apple destroying the tower, but as he did so he fell asleep and snored really loudly.

When the seven giants returned from their day job of guarding a small village from a group of Japanese samurai bandits they thought, we cant cope with all that snoring so put Prince Icy Black in a sound proof glass box in the woods.  As time passed everyone lived happily until one day a passing princess saw Prince Icy Black and thought Ooooooo I know I will kiss him, and all in an instant he turned into a huge frog and got in a right strop leaping about shouting, so the princess ran off. After chewing a few flies Prince Icy Black thought I know I will go and see King Arthur he will be pleased to see me.

The End . . . . . . . . . . . . Or is it

A Big Fish

The US Debt Ceiling and why it could be worse

I have been working on the floor again today I need to get it finished before I whiz away for a few days on a secret mission, leaving you all in suspense asking questions like WHY…. WHERE …. HOW …. WILL HE RETURN …. DO WE CARE.

It is rather ironic working on a floor today because I thought I might discuss the American debt ceiling and the present impasse of their political system. The reason for this is because one or two of my American friends are a little worried and concerned that America is looking a bit stupid. So I am here to reassure them that this is not the case, OK yes we might all snigger a bit but only because America is a huge super power.

You see it may be rather frustrating to live in a country that has sort of closed, but at the end of the day it is better to live in a country that is fairly tolerant of most points of view and allows the individual to do their own thing within reason and there is at least a degree of equality. Lets face it things like equality and tolerance are never quite as they should be even in the best of countries, so the USA is doing as good as any.  You see the alternatives are not so good, places like China, Russia, most of the Middle East huge chunks of Africa and loads of smaller places would I suspect blame the whites, the blacks, the Catholics, the Jews, the Christians, Muslims or Old Bert’s Dog etc and shoot them all or lock them up or have a bloody military coo or someone would just tell you to hand over everything or else.

I am sure there is plenty of inequality in the US but it is less than many many other countries. The hard bit in all this is that folks living standards in the West in general are probably going to drop with time, we have had a good time (well some have) but we have blown all the money now and so its back to crunchy dried ships biscuits, a glass of grandpa’s moonshine and growing veg in the garden, milking the goat and selling the goats cheese on Ebay.  And a pleasant trip to the office in the pony and trap.

It might be tough and hopefully your politicians will think country and not self, but somehow I suspect you will all muddle through in the end. After all most ordinary people in most countries are nice including your good selves     

So my friends in the USA yes you may be broke, bankrupt, insolvent, penniless, ruined and bust but at the end of the day you could live in Syria or the like or eating Old Bert’s Dog…

A picture tells a thousand words

I have drawn a quick picture which I think basically explains itself, you know the old saying. .. . . A picture tells a thousand words . . . . So I don’t really think I need to say much more about today except to add that Esmeralda will certainly take more care near ferrets, and George will be fine once he gets his hand out of the thermos flask.  Yes he could break it, but that might kill the stick insects inside and that is the last thing we need after today’s events.

Of course those of you reading the cheap paperback diary of Rob Z Tobor bought at Kings Cross station will not get to see my drawing, so I will just say it involves an angry swan and a plate of ice cream.   

Autumn, floors and the closure of a large place

Today was without doubt the most Autumnal day of the year so far, indicating that autumn really has arrived. Here in Britain that means that the temp in about 12C to 15c it is very very grey on account of the fact the sun is hiding behind a thick layer of grey cloud and it is also slightly drizzly and the hills are shrouded in a layer of mist. Still it could be worse……..

Anyway I was doing practical things at school today as the headmaster insisted or he said he would send me home to mark exam papers from this years new intake of pupils. So today I started to put down a new school staff kitchen floor to cheer it up and make it more colour coordinated… With luck it will be finished on Thursday and we can then play chess on it.

I noticed on the news this morning that the United States of America has closed as a result of a political stalemate in their equivalent of the House of Commons or maybe Lords (Congress). As it happens the real reason that American has closed is that it is broke, yes sadly the country has less money than a lonesome tuna fish in an aqua theme park which has now closed till further notice. But although broke America also has all the really scary weapons, so it will be OK because we will smile and lend them some more, it is always good to be friendly with the man with the scariest weapons. I could try waving my pointy stick, but I feel it will not have the same effect.

So all in all I have not had an exciting day and neither have folk in America, it must have been like the old days in Wales on Sunday’s before IKEA…..