Aliens, interesting geometric shapes and large green monsters

Being a pupil; head boy as it happens (as you should all know) at a post modernist cyber-Academy somewhere in cyberspace, has certain advantages to that of a traditional school. You see on a hot sunny summer’s day when the students, and teachers for that matter are ambling about aimlessly bumping into one another and accidently sawing cats in half in the woodwork class, the health and safely officer can send everyone home on the spur of the moment. . . . So he did, on the grounds that he fancied a nice chilled day, I think more schools need to think like this it is great for student and teacher morale and a sunny day helps intelligence, (a well know fact).

At home I decided that it was time to attack and destroy three monsters in the garden three large green monsters known to all as The Three Bishops. These three monsters have been staring at us for some time now biding their time waiting for a loss of concentration so that they could pounce. Now none of us have got it in for Bishops in particular, but even a Bishop can be in the wrong place and so out came the chainsaw and I chopped then up and will burn the Bishops in the next few days. It is not everyone who gets to set fire to a Bishop.

In other news it appears that while I was busy doing battle chopping the arms and legs off Bishops aliens had left a sign in the fields to the side and behind us in the grass. Creating interesting geometric shapes which Mr Jones insists are telling him they wish make contact with the government and that we should phone the prime Minister and get him here pronto. He would of course do it himself but apparently they have blocked his phone and told him rather unfairly that he is a raving IDIOT, OK he might be a little over enthusiastic but not a raving IDIOT. And you can’t deny we have a field full of interesting geometric shapes suddenly turned up today out of nowhere.

Oooooo yes if anyone is wondering where the dog is at present he is on a sabbatical; being large and from the South American Jungle with red eyes and also fluent in Latin he felt he needed to go and chat to the Pope and advise him on stuff; and maybe nibble the odd saints bones to authenticate them.

Since dad reset the weather machine after the issue with the Big Red Button, the weather has been hunky dory here, I might press it again if things go down hill

Summer, sunsets, drumming and alien spacecraft

Today has been hot and sunny and rumour has it, it will remain hot and sunny here for at least the following week. One thing I do know about weather is like myself only the other day, weather likes to maintain a state of equilibrium so the good weather here means that there has been some terrible weather elsewhere, I believe in central Europe, I have been busy so have not yet seen a news.  However both myself and the Ghost Write found ourselves trapped the wrong side of glass rooms that were rather hot, the Ghost Writer battling the demons of IT, breaking down the gates of a laptop that was determined that no one shall pass. But the Ghost writer showed no mercy and wiped the mind of the laptop tuning it into a docile puppy eager to please.

I on the other hand was doing mathematics working on the algebraic equations for the flight of seagulls, all was well until Esmeralda got bored and decided that a cookery class was more fun, so we all had seagull risotto for lunch which was well yummy.

Anyway tonight myself and my drumming colleague sat on the patio and drummed the sunset in (I note I got a photo of three alien spacecraft heading towards the woods), while a load a mayflies and a dragonfly flew about and a frog ate a large wasp. I was a bit worried about the frog, wasp stings are not nice so swallowing a live wasp and a large one at that seemed foolish, but I think frogs eat first think second, much like Freddie’s ferret who spent the afternoon trying to swallow a large seagulls head.

I am now drinking tea eating Prawn crackers (as you do) and writing this, I know by the time you read it I will have eaten all the crackers finished my tea and will be chilling as it has been a long long day and I need to spend a small bit of it doing nothing…..   

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Dick Barton Special Agent and the Zombie Archers of Ambridge, Art and Chickens.

Today turned into an interesting day what with one thing and another, it got off to a great start with Bacon and pancakes for breakfast with maple syrup which is a good way to start any day. Then it got a bit noisy when a tractor and trailer turned up next door, and it now appears that the folk who live behind us and keep rare breed chickens have decided to do the re-enactment of the film Chicken Run and have added yet more chicken houses. It will be interesting to see how good rare breed chickens are at making aeroplanes. Anyway it is a bit of a worry as they seem to have enough chicken houses now for thousands of the beasts, which means a seriously large aeroplane.

I then helped the Ghost Writer with his Radiogram based PC gaming machine he is sorting for Master Ja;, which is apparently brilliant as long as you only play games based on a pre 1955 world, so Dick Barton Special Agent and the Zombie Archers of Ambridge should work really well.

Then this afternoon we went off a preview to see Auntie Karen who is exhibiting her needle felt pictures and hats at a not too far away gallery and events place, we got to chat to Auntie Karen who took my picture and told me that it would be useful to give to the police if any trouble started, I tried to smile a lot but still looked suspicious in the photo. Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker was there also giving moral support for Auntie Karen, and drinking tea and telling all the punters tales of life and the universe (Mr Ian can tell a good yarn and will keep folk amused for hours). In fact Mr Ian was accompanying John Hegley at the same location only a few days ago, Auntie Karen and Mr Ian the musical Hat Maker are a talented couple.

There was loads of other interesting art there including sculpture, painting. and I even found a really cool looking Meccano Beam Engine, I did ask before I took a photo, it is bad form to go round taking photos in an art gallery without asking. Anyway there were loads of people there who I knew so that was cool, although one person did say everyone looked shorter and fatter that she remembered (it was not me PHEW) apparently this is also bad form in an art gallery during a preview.

We then ended the day with a Chinese takeaway from the Castle of the Bishop so I have eaten loads, which means that last statement about being shorter and fatter is sort of true well half true as I am still the same height.

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The so called Locked Double Helix State of Equilibrium.

It appears I am in a state of equilibrium, which is not good for my diary as it started when I was not fighting the masses hoards of the Zombies of Space, evil monsters from the far reaches of the universe hell bent on stealing the secret formula of Custard Creams, while two distracted men fight a dual on issues that I will not discuss here. But I think if I say Custard Creams and Jammy Dodger Biscuits I can be sure that 99.9999999 percent of the world’s population will not have a clue what I am talking about.

 This state of equilibrium also means I have not been making a twenty five foot (high not legs) steam powered penguin or fighting a huge man eating squid in the pond or teaching Gnats to fly in formation over the veggie patch in a re-enactment of the Battle of Britain, as it happens a gnat in a steep dive at full speed makes a rather good Junkers Ju 87 Stuka although that is not the point; none of this happened due to this damn state of equilibrium. I am not sure how long a state of equilibrium can last I have heard rumours of people trapped inside them for years on end, and that in the worst case a state of equilibrium can be created inside another state of equilibrium in the so called Locked Double Helix State of Equilibrium. 

I did get a small two stroke engine going today, went to the Castle of the Bishop briefly, put a bracket on a wall and cut some grass, poked a stick in a dark damp muddy hole and cut some hedge, but this is terrible what will that nice Steven Spielberg say when I should be climbing wild unclimbed things and saving Custard Creams.  I will need to puncture the fabric of the state of equilibrium tomorrow or I may be doomed to a life of doom.  I may go and help the Ghost Writer turn radiograms into Elvis, no sorry I mean a super gaming computer.