A rare opportunity to meet the very nice Steven Spielberg in the flesh or maybe his lookalike snowman

In the last two hours in our little hamlet the weather has taken a turn for the worse and it is snowing rather heavily, although it was rather cold and wet even before it started snowing. I think it is just as well that our big family eat out was last night or it may have been a case of making up the numbers with a few snowmen. Snowmen tend to avoid any food involving a roast dinner due to some strange phobia involving the word roast.

 Napoleon Beelzebub says he has never had a snowman turn up in the fiery depths of his cellar, known to some as HELL; so it appears that all snowmen must be good and do good deeds. Personally I find it difficult to see why they would be good, as the great general public bash them about, throw snow balls at them, even rather sadistically stick carrots into their faces and lumps of coal in their eyes. Then add to that the rather idiotic idea of wrapping him (her) up with a warm scarf and a woolly hat (as if a snowman is going to want a woolly scarf and hat).  And yet through all this they just stand and take it without a single complaint. The dog says we should not be too sympathetic after all, beneath their jolly smiling exterior lies a cold hearted character, but he has also added (before rolling about in hysterics on the floor) they are rather freeze spirited and the first warm day and whoosh they are gone.

I think I might have my first sign of something white emerging from the compost of the mushroom kit and I can only assume it is one of three things; the first of which is a possibility, but I suspect a rather long shot and that is it is a mushroom.  The second bearing in mind the present weather conditions is, it is a snowman, and it does seem to be the right colour. Mum has just said IDIOT which leaves me with option three a Strange Alien Mushroom Creature from the Planet Venus. Mum has said IDIOT again but if it is not one of these options then what could it possibly be.

YES this is your opportunity to be part of the interactive manuscript to Book Two a rare chance to help mould (HA HAH HAHHAHH HAH HAH hahah hah ha) the sequel block buster movie and meet and discuss your option with the very nice Steven Spielberg in the flesh or possibly a  Steven Spielberg lookalike snowman if all else fails. SO THIS is a ONCE IN A lifetime opportunity, YOURS for today Only (OK tomorrow and maybe the next day). Get your idea in first and be sure to think big. 

Rules and conditions apply and we reserve the right to flog your idea for millions of pounds. Remember there are height restrictions but hats may be worm if it helps. Good Luck.

Warning mum says IDIOTS, you have been warned..

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The family, that's fourteen of us all descending on Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Cafe for an evening meal SOON VERY SOON

I know at times people think I write the odd thing that may appear unreal and sometimes I bend boring old normality a bit so I am sure you will be interested to hear I was having a discussion with one of my fellow Mushroom experiment people who has told me that they are moving their mushrooms to the garage but are going to wrap them up in a blanket with a hot water bottle to keep them warm.

This may seem like a strange thing to do but there is logic in this madness because after all, when all said and done none of us are actually mad. 


Because their box is now turning into the Quatermass experiment and the Strange Alien Mushroom Creatures from Venus have been joined by the by a mass influx of Strange Flying Alien Mushroom Creatures from Venus, it seems only logical to be cautious and make sure they can not get out and eat you in the middle of the night. But there is also a high risk of snow for reasons I explained only the other day (well sometime fairly recently anyway)

Talking of things getting out and eating you in the middle of the night, leads me to tonight as our family is on a mass eat out, yes fourteen of us all descending on Big Bills Greasy Fur Ball Cafe to cause chaos and eat all his food.  I suspect it will all end in large bones and enty plates and a lifetime ban for most of the family like last time when Uncle Fred set fire to the head waiter in a battle of wits with Great Great Granny.

Well that is about it I need to look sort of shabby posh so I can get past the bouncers and this needs a bit of time so I must go. OK CHAPS OVER THE TOP……. ……… …….GOOD LUCK SEE YOU BACK IN BLIGHTY. Mum just said IDIOT

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there is much we don’t know, there is much we will never know and will never want to know or will never understand it anyway if we did know

Last night the moon had a large hallo and I did take a picture of it, for some strange reason all my readers are demanding proof these days, really what is the world coming too.  And today due to persistence and the curious mind of the cat (as a species) our cat catching device caught a cat. It was the cat we thought would be caught by the cat catcher and after an introduction to the mushroom sprayer he was freed back to the wild.

He was a bit wild himself then and slightly damp, he is a nice cat, a large black and white cat but just how many cats can we feed because there are loads more of them out on the perimeter of our home, their little eyes twinkling in the darkness.  Some might say it is not PC to soak a cat but we suspect he will turn up again with a Mac (HA HAH Hah hhah hah hah hahh hahh hahah hhah ha that is a geek computer cat joke not an Eek joke about a mouse HA HAH HAH hah hah hhah hahhah ha hha)

School continues to teach us that there is much we don’t know and as the science teachers continue to tell us there is much we will never know and will never want to know or will never understand it anyway if we did know about it, so what is the point. And that after eighteen blackboards and one hundred and seventeen feet three inches of white chalk it is all very annoying to keep having the goal posts moved about, what with new curriculums, exams and bloody governments departments interfering with the syllabus; so that chemistry is now to hard for his students to spell yet alone manage to mix up a nice volatile mix of highly explosive chemicals which only ends up with his best students being held by MI6 for three months.

I think the teacher was having a bad day luckily Esmeralda did manage to explode her desk towards the end of the science lesson so the teacher cheered up loads.

Apparently I have heard that Miss Fionaski the Famous Russian Spy who is part of the great Mushroom experiment has succeeded in growing huge buzzing flapping creatures; I knew it would all end in Strange Alien Creatures from the planet Venus, although I had not planned on them taking to the air. The dog thinks they are going to seed all the clouds with snow and bring mankind (well the UK) to a grinding halt so they can take over and turn us all into mutant zombies unable to spell simple words like chemistry or science. Making us work in Starbucks and Tesco pandering to their every need and that of the humble cat as a intergalactic practical joke which has mushroomed out of control.  Mum has said I am not to write about this as the government are trying to keep the lid on things …………….AH 

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Can a cat catcher catch a cat and Maggie Thatcher the Moggie (Movie, film)

I have just returned from chopping some wood the reason being that the loser of a game of Scissors Paper Stone had to go and chop the wood and as you all know by now I always loose at Scissors Paper Stone. I am still convinced that somehow everyone else is cheating even Captain Flint the Parrot beats me although he would not have been able to chop the wood that well. So once it was down to us two it was all fairly academic really.

But I have to say on returning back inside it is very cold tonight in our part of the UK and the sky is very clear so it is likely to get even colder, which is why we (I) have been sent out for wood. It will be a good night for Banshee watchers and even the Dark Creature of the Undergrowth I suspect might be out and about in the woods tonight. I think it is going to be that sort of night tonight. Even the multitudes of cats are on the prowl.

Which is why I have just set our cat flap to cat catcher setting to catch cats? That sounds like one of those things you are told to say very fast which then turns into total rubbish. Can a cat catcher catch cats or can a cat catch out a cat catcher …….. or something like that. The dog says he is happy to eat all the cats and solve the issue in one go; deep fried in batter with a nice chilled wine but I don’t think we want that really, well not yet. Captain Flint the Parrot is shouting can a cat catcher’s cat catcher catch a cat or can a cat caught in a cat catchers cat catcher scratch a cat catcher ………….. Pieces of Eight and yo ho ho and a bottle of Rum. We have told Captain Flint the Parrot many times not to mention rum in front of the dog because the dog is saying Yum Rum, Is there rum in the room, I have room for rum Yum in My tum and Captain Flint is still talking about the cat Is there a cat the cat catcher could catch or cant the cat catcher catch the cat.

I have asked mum if a cat catcher catching cats sounds like rubbish and she has said IDIOT  and what ever I do, do not mention Maggie Thatcher the Moggie, sorry I mean Moggie Thatcher the Movie ……………AH I think I did.  Still there are loads of cats to do a really good re-enactment of that film although I cant recall anyone mentioning cats and I haven't seen it yet.

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