The man, his pregnant wife, the donkey and the Holiday Inn and a Mercedes Benz.

I made a terrible error last night in reading the diary entry for last year; I sort of got the month wrong. Well it is easy to do there are twelve of them after all, so I read Novembers entry. It was not National Sausage Week so we had sausages for tea in celebration under a false pretence.  That is two errors in as many days, I do not include spelling errors in that I do that loads all the time.

In fact this time last year we were in the final stages of Pantomime rehearsals and all was looking good. I think this years school pantomime is just about some bloke and his wife who are not allowed to stay at the Holiday Inn because she is pregnant and has a donkey. The holiday Inn says the only rooms are on the 9^th floor and they won’t let them stay there because what happens if she suddenly gives birth and a whole loads of Sheppard’s and so called dodgy wise men turn up at reception. As well as doctors and mid-wives, it would disrupt the hotel and the conference on the virtues of management bonding events in modern society.

It all turns out all right in the end because the donkey has a loyalty card due to a computer error in the past and is able to blag a room round the back with easy access for donkeys bearing in mind they are banned from using the lifts because their hoofs ruin the buttons.

And a wise man turns up with gifts of Merc’s and the baby tells the management consultants at the conference on the virtues of management bonding events in modern society …. Covert not the Merc’s of others for they too will get old and rusty, and everyone will cheer and so will end another Christmas Play (Why do we all have to wear tea towels on our heads though?)

Oooo by the way I put another IKEA bookcase together today and painted a wall blue, well a bit of it anyway. And I am sorry about the error in the flashback to last year for those of you who can remember that far back in my diary, I know I cant.  

Watch out for thunderbolts

The Goat, the Prime Minister, the teachers pension, the automated banking and a haircut

This week last year was National Sausage Week, one of the great advantages of a diary is that as time passes it becomes more interesting to look back on events from previous times. In celebration of the fact it is a year since National Sausage Week, we are having sausages tonight. It is also a year ago yesterday that Auntie Karen was playing Smoke on the Water to the Penguins at the Zoo. It is amazing how time flies.  

Can time fly I’m not sure about that, I do know that a fly can time things, they have a very good sense of timing and this makes them incredibly good at synchronised line dancing which they love. It is all the legs that do it, there is nothing quite like a large swarm of flies line dancing to some bad ass country blues music late at night at the Grotty Shack Disco Shed. It is not a popular venue with people but the flies love it, they also say it has a great BUZZZZZZzzzzzzzz HA HAH HAH HAH HAhah hah hah hah hh hahh ha…… Yes mum has said IDIOT again now; still this is all a great distraction from the day.

Esmeralda was catapulting the schools lucky goat over the cricket pitch today. I am not sure why it’s called the lucky goat because that is not lucky even if Esmeralda insists it likes it, and the headmaster appears not to be fussed because its not cricket season.

I am working on a Christmas list along with some other pupils to come up with ideas to improve the lot of the teachers next year.  The first one we had was to reduce the teachers pension make them pay loads for it and not allow them to retire until they were seventy five. This idea was the direct result of getting extra homework last weekend so we thought we might get our own back; that Mr Cameron said he thought is was a great idea, he likes it so much some of his mates thought they might try it out.  William whose dad works at the local bank once had this idea that instead of people phoning up his dad and getting him all annoyed; they could be given automated options to choose from and then more options and then more options, plus inputting all their account details off the key pad.  Williams dad thought it was a great idea, which is why mum and dad got well frustrated today and dad chain sawed the phone in half (again).  They also bought paint and other things some of which are of absolute no interest to anyone. Ooooooo and dad had his haircut again he does this once or twice a year, he says he has a budget of £15:00 a year for hair so two cuts is all it will buy, he thinks hair is nature's way of telling us we should be shamblely. 

Italy and the Euro-zone, the European Central Bank. Nero and hot crumpets and butter

Well we are back a bit late tonight because it was late night shopping in Montgomery tonight so we have been helping Napoleon Beelzebub in Napoleon Beelzebub’s Very Strange Victorian Curiosity Shop. What with all the mass’s doing their Christmas shopping. Only no one came in, well one person came in to say hello and pay for an item they had bought earlier so we ate chips from the chip shop and hot crumpets and butter while Rome burned?

Well that’s what Mr Beelzebub said but I was a bit confused as we are not in Rome and I don’t think its on fire, well not to my knowledge but them Mr Beelzebub knows a lot more than me about things burning. Still the hot crumpets were well yummy and so were the chip butties.

It will be late night shopping next week again on Thursday evening until 8:00pm in Montgomery so it will be interesting to see if Rome burns again.

Apparently it is some obscure satirical joke based on the economic climate of Italy and the Euro zone and the impending collapse of the Euro after the default of Italy on its debts due to increased interest rates by the Central European Bank or is it the European Central Bank. I didn’t know that but the dog says they plan to rename the Euro the Nero afterwards in recognition of the part that Rome will play it the Euro’s destruction. Mum has now told the dog and Mr Beelzebub off for ruining a good diary with politics and economics.  I quite agree; thank God no one has mentioned religion …. HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha hah ahhaha hahh hah haha hahh hah ah ahahah hah hah hah  …..OK mum has said IDIOT now, Still the last thing we need at Christmas time is religion on top of all those other things going on. PHEW.