PART THREE of Harry Potter and the Curse of the Penguin

Link to PART TWO

As young Higgs, Alice and the White Rabbit follow Harry Potter outside he explains the terrible dilemma that has befallen Hogwarts and the world of the wizards.

IT ALL THIS SNOW AND ICE IT SEEMS TO BE GETTING WORSE AND THIS SORT OF WEATHER NEVER HAPPENS HERE EXCEPT ON CHRISTMAS EVE AND CHRISTMAS DAY, WE HAVE TRIED SEVERAL SPELLS TO CHANGE IT BUT TO NO AVAIL. IT IS VERY ODD. AND OF COURSE THERE ARE ALL THESE CUTE FLUFFY PENGUINS WADDLING ABOUT ALL OVER THE PLACE DEMANDING PLAICE. THEY ARE DISTRACTING THE YOUNG WIZARDS FROM THEIR CLASSES AND FOLK KEEP TREADING IN PENGUIN POO IT IS GETTING EVERYWHERE. WE KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG AND IT WILL ALL END BADLY UNLESS WE GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THE PROBLEM.

As they look across the main courtyard of Hogwarts, Hagrid is leading a group of penguins into an enormous igloo he has built in the corner

AH YES HAGRID LOVES THE PENGUINS HE KEEPS TURNING UP WITH THEM. I DON’T KNOW WHERE HE FINDS SO MANY.  I HAVE WARNED HIM TO STOP BUT HE LOVES HIS WILDLIFE AND FOR ONCE IT APPEARS HARMLESS says Harry

As the White Rabbit stands in the centre of the courtyard staring intently at the penguins who seem keen to avoid him, young Higgs and Alice Enter the huge igloo where Hagrid is feeding hundreds of Penguins.

OOOOO AH HELLO MASTER HIGGS AND MISS ALICE THESE PENGUINS ARE DEAD CUTE LOOK I’VE GOT LOADS OF THEM.

SO I SEE says Young Higgs THEY DO SMELL A BIT THOUGH

DO THEY I THOUGHT THAT WAS ME. HERE AREN’T YOU A BIT CHILLY MISS ALICE YOU ARE NOT REALLY DRESSED FOR THIS WEATHER. I HAVE THIS RATHER NICE WHITE COAT.

THANK YOU HAGRID IT IS LOVELY AND WARM BUT IT IS RATHER AN EXPENSIVE COAT WHERE DID YOU GET IT SAID ALICE AND SHE PUT IT ON

THE WHITE WITCH LEFT IT BEHIND WHEN SHE VISITED HOGWARTS . . . . AH DAMN I WAS NOT MEANT TO TELL FOLK THAT. SHE CAME TO VISIT THE PROFESSORS . . . . . .AH DAMN I WAS NOT MEANT TO TELL YOU THAT EITHER.

WHICH PROFESSORS DID SHE VISIT HAGRID WE ARE GOOD AT KEEPING SECRETS, MUCH BETTER THAN YOU ARE SO IF YOU TELL US YOU DON’T NEED TO KEEP IT SECRET ANY LONGER. said Young Higgs

THAT’S VERY KIND MASTER HIGGS WELL SHE CAME TO SEE PROFESSOR JOHN LEWSTORE WHITE, PROFESSOR SERIOUSLY WHITE AND PROFESSOR PENGUINUS WEBFOOT WHITE, THEY ARE ALL BROTHERS. THEY ARE FAMOUS IN HOGWARTS FOR MAKING THE FIRST AEROPLANE TO FLY OVER THE MAIN TOWER UNDER ITS OWN POWER RATHER THAN CHEATING USING A SPELL. SHE THOUGHT THEY MIGHT HELP HER FIND THE FABLED RING THE ARCTIC SEAL, USING THE SEVEN POINTED ICE COMPASS OF THE HÖÐR 

As Alice and Young Higgs leave the igloo the White Rabbit is still standing looking intently at the cute fluffy penguins but makes a gesture to Alice and points at the eyes of one of the passing penguins

IT APPEARS says Alice THAT THOSE PENGUINS ARE LESS CUTE AND FLUFFY THAN FOLK THINK THEY ARE.

ARE YOU SURE says Young Higgs THEY LOOK HARMLESS ENOUGH TO ME.

Back in the great hall Harry Potter decides they should split up and hunt down the three professors and ask them what is going on.

I TELL YOU WHAT MASTER HIGGS TAKE TONTO WITH YOU HE IS THE BEST TRACKER IN HOGWARTS, ME AND HERMIONE WILL CHECK THE CLASSROOMS AND ALICE AND THE RABBIT CAN LOOK IN THE LIBRARY.

Young Higgs adding LOOK OUT FOR THE REVEREND GREEN WITH A REVOLVER but the White Rabbit does not look amused.

As they all start searching Professor John Lewstore White,  Professor Seriously White and  Professor Penguinus Webfoot White are looking at their seven handed clock where every hour is seven and every minute is seven and every second is seven. The Professors congratulating themselves on there best ever invention. Professor Seriously White saying THIS IS THE BEST DEVICE WE HAVE EVER MADE EVEN BETTER THAN THAT AEROPLANE AND IT WILL FOR EVER BE SEVEN MINUTES PAST SEVEN ON THE SEVENTH DAY OF WINTER AH AH HA HAH HHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAH AH AH AH AH AH AH HA HAH AH AH AH AH HA HA AND THOSE FOOLS STILL HAVE NOT NOTICED THAT TIME HAS STOPPED YET.

However not far away Tonto and Young Higgs have seen the strange clock and heard the words of Professor Seriously White.  Tonto turns to Young Higgs and says WHITE MEN SPEAK WITH FORKED TONGUE, but they are noticed and the Professors give chase, but just as Professor John Lewstore White is about to cast a terrible spell on the two of them a large smiling cat suddenly appears floating in mid-air grabbing Professor John Lewstore White’s wand before vanishing again while saying BEWARE THE JABBERWOCK, MY SON!  . . . . . . O CRICKEY NOT AGAIN shouts one of the Professors and they run off at speed in the other direction.

Meanwhile back at the White Witches Palace where the White which peers deep into a crystal ball, the White Witch is thinking aloud and saying I CAN SEE THOSE MEDDLING KIDS AT HOGWARTS IN THE CRYSTAL BALL, WE NEED TO GRAB THEM NAB THEM GET POINTY STICKS AND JAB THEM. While Muttley the dog mutters SUSCCHIN RUTHIN HUTHIN NUTHIN BUUTHER TUTHER SMUTHER . NUTHIN BUUTHER TUTHER RUTHIN HUTHIN NUTHIN HUTHIN NUTHIN. . . .PESKY KIDS.

But the White Witches thoughts are broken by the arrival of three rather exhausted Professors

WE FOUND IT WE FOUND IT LOOOOOOOOOK IT IS THE RING IT’S THE FABLED ARCTIC SEAL OF WINTER

The White Witch looks at the ring and laughs a mad long and very very evil laugh and then says

IT IS TIME. . . . . WE SHALL MARCH ON HOGWARTS TOMORROW AND DESTROY THEM ALL, PARTICULARLY THOSE INTERFERING KIDS AND THAT STUPID LARGE WHITE RABBIT . . . . . . I HATE RABBITS . . . . NO I MEAN I REALLY HATE RABBITS LOADS.

TO BE CONTINUED

Link to PART FOUR (The Final Part OOOooooooooo)

PART TWO of Harry Potter and the Curse of the Penguin

Link to Part One 

Young Higgs is battling his way across the arctic tundra towards Hogwarts Academy using Mr Silvers Sledge pulled by the faithful Lassie who is keen but a bit rubbish as a Husky so making progress is slow. Elsewhere in the Kingdom however far to the North past The Black Gate of Mordor in the huge Winter Palace of St Petersburg home of The White Witch a small group were reviewing their great master plan.

Well said the White Witch our plan is working those stupid muggles and wizards have been distracted by those cute fluffy penguins. I never thought they would be so foolish.

YES your Highness They are proving to be rather popular and the adult Muggles are even crying over them the fools HAH HAHH HAH Ahah ha ha ha hah ah ah ha hah ah ah ah ah ah ahah ha hah ah ha hah ah ah said Professor John Lewstore White

Indeed said Professor Seriously White soon it will be winter for ever and no one will be able to do anything about it. Once the power of the Ring; the famous Artic Seal of Winter is in our grasp we will rule everything for ever 

Professor Penguinus Webfoot White adding Even Harry Potter is unaware of our plans, although Miss Granger is in a Strop again but She has been going on about Mary poppins turning up so I think she is going mad.

Nearby a strange kangaroo looking creature and a wild looking mancky dishevelled dog called Muttley sit looking out of a window muttering and chewing a soft fluffy cute looking Penguin.  The White Witch looks across at the beasts and shouts

No Harry Potter has not fallen down the old Mine shaft you stupid Kangaroo, how many times must I tell you.

suscchin Ruthin Huthin nuthin buuther tuther Smuther . nuthin buuther tuther Ruthin Huthin nuthin mutters Muttley or something similar, while the kangaroo shakes his head and looks to heaven in a knowing way.

Meanwhile back at Hogwarts as Young Higgs arrives the academy professors are pulling Harry Potter out of an old abandoned mineshaft which has opened up in one of the playing fields.

As Harry and Miss Granger watch young Higgs arrive Miss Granger asks Where is that woman the one who looks like Mary Poppins and that Big Rabbit with the knife.

AH I think we need a mirror a big one and a thing said Young Higgs

Well we have a big mirror says Harry we have the Mirror of Erised, but it is not good to look at that too long

And what sort of thing do you need says Hermione What about a spoon, full of sugar HAH HAHAH HAH Ahah ha ha ha hah ah ha hah ah ah ha ha ha hahah ah hahha ahah ah har

No I know says Young Higgs I need a fez and a false moustache

Both Harry and Hermione say what?

But after sniggering and a bit of magic they supply both items which Young Higgs puts on.

As Young Higgs stands in front of the mirror looking into it he says You see there they are.

Yes everyone says that Higgs. it’s the mirror, it’s what it does. . . says Hermione IT MAKES. . . . . . . .. 

But before she can finish her sentence leaping out of the mirror performing several summersaults and holding large samurai swords appear Alice and the Large White Rabbit.

HELLO MASTER HIGGS says Alice, the White Rabbit nodding. What’s the adventure this time, and why are you wearing a false Moustache and a fez?

You’re Looking VERY LARA croft says Harry Potter looking at her in a strange fluffy Penguin sort of way as Hermione looks daggers at him 

To Be Continued 

Link to PART THREE

PART ONE of Harry Potter and the Curse of the Penguin

Life for Young Higgs Dumblecox in London after his adventure where he saved the great Harry Potter, now the Headmaster at Hogwarts Academy is fairly peaceful. He often pops in to the strange old bookshop located down a small passage reached by walking through the wall between W H Smiths and M&S finding all sorts of interesting books which he buys with his pocket money at the modest price of five pence a time. It appears inflation in the world of wizards has been very low for hundreds of years meaning young Higgs is rather wealthy once he vanishes into the wizard world. 

Then he starts to notice that in the world of the muggles and the world of wizards both are starting to fill up with cute fluffy Penguins. His dad Professor Brian Dumblecox putting the whole thing down to Quantum Mechanics and says that the Penguins will vanish as fast as they arrived, so young Higgs thinks no more about it other than . . . . I don’t like Penguins. . . . although he has to keep this a secret because both muggles and wizards seem to be getting more and more attached to the beasts as they waddle about eating fish and making a terrible mess of the pavements.  Then one morning as he looks out of his bedroom window he sees a flamingo walking down the road heading towards his house.  There is a loud tapping sound on the front door and young Higgs runs down the stairs and opens the door where a flamingo is standing with a letter addressed to Master Higgs Dumblecox. Well that is dead exciting thinks young Higgs and he quickly opens the envelope

Which says

Dear Master Dumblecox

For reasons none of us can explain here, the great oracle of all things which we turn to in moments of terrible trouble has told us that we need to ask for your assistance. It would be much appreciated therefore if you could come to Hogwarts academy sharpish where we can tell you of our plight. And apparently the Oracle says bring Alice and that large White Rabbit with you.  And we really don’t know why it says they should turn up, but Hermione is fuming so don’t say I didn't warn you OK.

Regards

Harry Potter

Headmaster

As young Higgs wanders into the station of Kings Cross he is left with a dilemma. How does he get into the ladies toilet to pass unnoticed to catch the Hogwarts Express and how does he contact Alice and the White Rabbit. The first of these problems is resolved when a large flock of small fluffy Penguins waddle up and down the platforms distracting the masses who rush to see them with small children hugging the beasts and grown adults spontaneously bursting into tears for no reason.  Allowing young Higgs to enter the ladies toilet and leap through the mirror onto the platform of the Hogwarts Express.

Its you again Master Higgs said the Station Master

Yes I have to get to Hogwarts it’s very important although I don’t know why yet

Oooo you sound just like that Zaphod Beeblebrox he was here once with his heads and all that 42 stuff. But we threw him out for drinking. His Robot is still in the Waiting room

In the waiting room young Higgs sees an android sitting looking very very very depressed

I have a brain the size of a planet you know, I suppose you are looking for Alice and a White Rabbit.

Gosh yes

Do you know I have ordered one million three hundred and forty two cups of coffee so far while I have been sat here and do you know how many I have drunk.

AH NO

None of them . . . and do you know why

AH NO.

I'M an Android I can’t drink.

So why did you order them

They say I can’t stay unless I order a coffee at least once every few hours.

What about Alice and the White Rabbit.

I’m very depressed you know I can tell you don’t care. And your train is about to leave.

But what about Alice

Mirrors what you need is a mirror and a

With that the train slowly starts to move and Young Higgs is forced to leave the robot and run to his seat as fast as possible.

I knew he DIDN'T CARE says the Android as he orders another coffee

Settling into his seat on the Hogwarts Express he was still unsure just how he was going to contact Alice, but as the train pulled into Hogmeade Station he hears the faint voice of what appeared to be the Cheshire Cat buried under a deep snow drift saying.

Nought from the Greeks towards me hath sped well.

So now I find that ancient proverb true,

Foes' gifts are no gifts: profit brings thy none

Beware thee Fluffy Penguins cute.

the Mirror of Erised Of they You need.

Well that’s odd says young Higgs as he steps out of the train and into a very deep snow drift and a bitterly cold wind from the North. As he struggles down the Quayside to Silvers Water Taxi’s he is confronted by Captain Silver shouting at his crew, the Zombie Pirates

Stop playing with those fluffy Penguins, What kind of impression do you think it gives.

But they are well cute Captain.

Cute . . . . cute we are Pirates we don’t do cute.

But look captain they are smiling and looking lustfully at Jim the CABIN BOY.

As the Captain turns and sees Young Higgs he says HAR HAR HAR  Master Higgs we’ll ney be able to take you to Hogwarts the lake is Well frozen, but I can lend thee a pair of Snow boots, A bottle of rum and a sledge pulled by my faithful dog Lassie HA R HA R AHR A a a HAR HAR

RUFF . . . . wag tail.

TO BE CONTINUED 

Link to PART TWO

What is the Future of the Car . . The Big Question

It has been some time since I tackled one of those big questions that I am obliged to answer by my sponsors, yes the world of the profession blogger is a right old game. I was thinking of starting another interesting tale of Master Higgs, Alice and Harry Potter but it will have to wait (involving a certain Penguin). 

You see today we are asking the question  . . . . .  What is the Future of the Car  . . . .  Well that is a big question because we all know one thing for sure and that is we can't keep building them and using them as we presently do. Even though most of us would like to keep them and use them as we presently do; causing a right old conflict between Environmental issues, sustainability and the way we live. 

Now everyone knows that most cars need oil, it’s what makes them run, we also know oil is a limited resource and if cars are going to remain everyday transport for the masses we need alternatives. Well the first of these is the Electric Car but it still has major issues and although there are Hybrid options available there are big issues with the lot. One being the hybrid cars still fundamentally rely on the oil and another being that they might seem more environmentally friendly, but they are not. The resources used to make the batteries are limited and all sorts of chemicals are involved and stuff is shifted all over the world in ships and lorry’s that use oil. So Electric cars are not Eco friendly even if folk tell you they are…. NO it’s true they are Eco-Rubbish .

AH DAMN I hear you all say but all is not yet lost there is the fuel cell which is sort of like a battery and produces electricity to power an electric car and I have a theory that the future could be a chemically powered car. There are many chemical reactions that produce loads of energy. Reactions similar to sticking polo mints or something similar in a bottle of Coca Cola which can cause a fairly interesting reaction (do not try at home or in the home). The point being chemistry could be used to produce energy from more sources than the traditional oil based ones to power either electric or combustion engines or even to create heat to power steam engines. I rather fancy driving a chemically powered steam car.

Of course lifestyle is another big issue with cars, I'm sure I can not be the only person who has found themselves stuck in a motorway traffic jam due to roadworks and noticed the thousands of cars heading in the opposite direction to the thousands of cars heading the same way as me. Surely there is something wrong in this because if all those folk heading the other way did the stuff myself and all those others stuck with me had to do. We could do what they need to do and no one would actually need to go anywhere. You see the big issue with personal transport as in cars, is we adapt our lifestyle to the fact we can travel all over the place rather than to more sensibly option of living within the area we can walkabout in. Unfortunately in the decadent west most of us are now locked into a way of life that needs personal transport to function. Which just goes to show what a big question tonight’s big question . . . .  What is the Future of the Car  . . . .  really is.  Unfortunately the answer is not in my hands but in the hands of politicians and governments so I don't expect things to end well.