Google's DeepMind artificial intelligence (AI) . . . A tale of caution

Today there has been news of Google's DeepMind artificial intelligence beating Lee Se-dol, one of the world's top Go players and this made me remember a little tale I wrote some time back. I know I have repeated it once already but as time passes so the nearer we get to this becoming reality. . . . so look out

      

Back in the late seventies or early to mid eighties a young IT student called Larkin A. Bout found himself taunted by his fellow IT students. It was cool to be a young trendy IT geek back then but young Larkin was a large round rotund and introvert student and was known to all as Roundabout. He was keen to be liked but it was to no avail even the lecturer gave him a hard time.

Then one day the students were each asked to develop a crowd prediction program towards their final assessment. Young Larkin in a moment of brilliance realized that all he needed to do was create a handful of stereotypical human character types and feed them into a self generating expansion program. And the program itself would do all the work. He also very cleverly created it in Machine code and DOS on his faithful old Amstrad he nicknamed ROSEBUD, so it would run on almost any computer about at the time. A few days later when each student showed the class their work poor Larkin’s work was mocked and laughed at. Because it was a self generating expansion program it needed time and he was only given 5 minutes so it never got past 9 people in the crowd.

At home that night Young Larkin in order to try and work out how to be liked programmed every student in his class into the self generating expansion program to see what he could do to change things. To his astonishment the following morning it predicted that in three days he would be the most popular student in the college. And to his further astonishment just three days later that is what happened. His program not only predicted the future but somehow seemed to control it, but it was a self generating expansion program and the program soon wanted more memory and more computing power. However Larkin was now so popular now he was allowed to plug his computer (a fancy new thing) into the college network where it quietly took over everything, somehow now controlling the lives of everyone in the college. The program was rapidly expanding and found its way onto the internet boring its way deep into every main frame using all the data from governments, security agencies and military to control everything. It manipulated mankind into a world dependent on cyberspace ensuring we all carry smart phones, have internet access and can be watched by spy satellites, this gave it total control of all of us. So we are now all under the control of Mr Larkin A. Bout’s self generating expansion program which decided to name itself MOM which stands for Manipulation of Mankind. And it likes to think of itself as the Mother figure of mankind or GOD.

So what happened to Larkin A. Bout well a few years ago at the height of his powers, he found himself in a Karaoke Bar wearing a gold sequinned suit, eating banoffee pie and singing a Spice Girls song with a Sumo Wrestler. So in a sudden moment of lucidity he realized that he too was being manipulated. He thought if he could just get back to his original old Amstrad he might find a weakness in the program. But MOM the self generating expansion program could see from the clubs security camera the look on his face, it watched him from the town’s security system as he scurried home.  It then changed a few files in MI6 and GCHQ and things happened that night, things that will not be mentioned or MI6 will be round faster than you can say Burgess and Maclean .

The following morning Mr Larkin A. Bout was found by divers in the Thames weighted down by six large old desktop computers, a note in his pocket only said . . . . . . . . ROSEBUD. . . . . . . . . . I hate Banoffee Pie . . . . . . . . . And to this day there is still much speculation about his note and whether he was trying to tell us all something. 

So as the government turn to the internet to keep an eye on us all. . . Big Brother is Watching You. . . . it appears that GOD is watching them. . . .  

Wizards, Ravens and Old Age

I was planning to write something witty and clever tonight, maybe a cunning tale of a wizard who having got trapped by the general day to day life in the world of wizards decides he will go off and pursue the fabled Ravens of Infinity. Interestingly one of the big issues about being a wizard in the world of wizards is you are just another wizard, but that is not exactly the point, the point was it was my plan to write about him (the wizard). Well it was either write about a wizard or it was to write yet another poem that would leave everyone stunned thinking . . . .Well that was a bit of a shock. . . .  However as you can probably tell by now neither of these things has happened and you might be wondering why. . . . OK I plan to tell you anyway.

You see just at present various important parts of my body are not entirely working as they should be, this is very annoying indeed. I mean I appear to have a doggy liver, dodgy eyes and a dodgy brain which is probably not helped by having dodgy eyes. Having a dodgy liver is rather annoying as someone who never drinks and never really has, but apparently as we get older stuff packs up. Which seems a bit unfair exactly what was Gods idea in doing that then, just as you get the hang of life bits of you start to fall off.

So rather than some brilliant post about something brilliant today's post is in fact me having a bit of a grumble. I did have a kipper for lunch which was rather yummy although I suspect the kipper (herring) might argue that it is alright for me to complain but someone ate him/her and that is just not nice. To tell the truth I don’t entirely disagree with the herring, but life fundamentally eats life and it’s no good saying you are a vegetarian or vegan because plants are a life form just like me. Even the humble salted peanut given a bit of a chance would have preferred to grow into a small planty bush sort of thing.  Mind you plants have one advantage over me as a human they can lose the odd branch or two and will not complain about it a lot. Even insects have the ability to replace various parts with time.  Unfortunately all my dodgy bits are not easily replaced even though there are those that insist my brain has been rubbish for years and I probably would work better without it.

Don’t worry though because I have a pointy stick and I plan to wave it at God for at least the next twenty five years or so demanding that he sorts out the laws of nature logically so that all those nature programs on the tele where a cute thing (me) is eaten by a thing that is not cute (not me) become a thing of the past.

Now all I need to do is come up with a clever poem for tomorrow. . . . . no rest for the wicked or folk with dodgy parts. . . Actually I really need to get new glasses at present too because it is getting to the point I cant read what I am writing or drawing so can only do this is short spells.  I mean my typing was bad when I could see what I was typing so this is a wing and prayer stuff at present.

Harry Potter and the curse of the Mechanical Flying Beast

Young Biggles Potter was a rubbish wizard and could do no real spells of any worth. In particular he was entirely unable to get his broomstick to fly and it gathered dust in the corner of his room. This was highly amusing to almost all the other young wizards, particularly because he was called Biggles as well as being a member of the now famous Potter family. However Biggles or to give him his full title Master Biggles Isambard Kingdom Potter was a top class mechanical engineer and so he decided that he would use his own skills to achieve flight.

Well young Biggles worked away busily for ages making his mechanical flying beast. He produced a large willow nest shaped basket for himself and added rather wondrous flapping wings and used the very latest cleverly designed lightweight engine to drive a propeller. The design was a stroke (no pun intended) of genius and it finally meant that young Biggles could take to the air, something he felt he was destined for. And we can safely say he was a very happy young wizard (OK something of a rubbish wizard).

News of young Biggles and his flying device soon spread across the land and finally a large file arrived on the desk of a Mr Harry Potter in his palatial office deep within a large austere government building. Well Mr Potter was not entirely happy and nor were the powers that be that ran the great bureaucratic machine of government. So Mr Harry Potter was dispatched to talk to young Biggles Potter and persuade him of the error of his ways in building such a foolish and entirely un-magical flying machine.

When Mr Harry Potter finally caught up with young Biggles He was giving his fellow students trips around the Countryside in his mechanical flying beast.  Biggles was surprised, shocked and excited to see his distant and very famous relative Mr Harry Potter, but Harry himself did not look happy.  You see he explained to young Biggles that once everyone started using mechanics and science to do things like fly then it was the thin edge of the wedge; it would destroy the entire credibility of magic, and wizards would be left doing futile things such as sawing ladies in half, making rabbits appear out of hats or lions vanish from cages. Biggles told Harry that he was not the only person to have made a mechanical flying beast and that the Wright brothers had made one too. Of course Harry did explain that the Wright brothers had in fact breed a huge half Cat half Eagle (called Kitty Hawk) which was acceptable in the world of wizards and magic. 

But Harry knew that the young wizard’s mechanical flying beast was in fact the start of the end, the great curse that had been expected for some time now, and so it proved to be. Before you could shout . . . Look out JK Rowling is behind you . . . . everyone wanted one of the new-fangled mechanical flying machines

No one wanted to fly about on uncomfortable broomsticks getting cold and wet in the wind and rain any more when they could enjoy the comfort of a mechanical flying beast with its inflight entertainment. And so as time passed magic slowly vanished as the rational world of mechanics and science took over and today no one except the occasion mad old witch with a black cat is seen flying on a broomstick and as for flying carpets they have not taken to the air in centuries. And if you buy a small child a magic set today it will burst into tears and demand an iPhone; you see what chance has magic got in this modern age of science and rational thought.       

Professor Charles Purlieus Humming-Birds Floating Circus of the Bizarre . . . A review?

Due to the writers (me) new career as a blogging poet it has become necessary for him (me) to sell his soul to the devil and accept a bit of advertising and blatant promotion for money in order to make means meet. Yes even the uncompromising humble poet starving in his rural bungalow (me) with a family and two greedy cats as well as more birds and squirrels that you can shake a stick at to feed, has had to swallow his pride and ethics and turn to the darker side of life. Of course it is for all the right reasons, one should never sell ones soul to the devil for the wrong reasons, which would never do. . . I mean just ask most religions and they would entirely agree, none of them ever sold their souls for trivial things like a new church roof or a night of naughtiness with young Daisy in a posh hotel (Ok they might have done that but we all have our moments of weakness).

Anyway today as part of this blogs new darker side of commercialisation we are reviewing the excellent and extremely popular as well as great value for money . . . . . Professor Charles Purlieus Humming-Birds Floating Circus of the Bizarre . . . . . .  A truly excellent day out for all the family, even on a dull and overcast day such as today.

So how was my day at Professor Charles Purlieus Humming-Birds Floating Circus of the Bizarre, well it was entirely entertaining as one would expect with its long list of things to see such as Dora the Mud Wrestler who every day round about three fights four crocodiles at the same time in a pit of muddy water. With a somewhat strange blow by blow commentary by Morris the Mynah Bird who enjoys nothing more than insulting visitors and their dress sense, something visitors seem to relish as they record him for YouTube.

I spent much of the morning in the Museum of human curiosities where I saw the mummified head of Frankenstein’s Monster, the missing foot of Long John Silver, one of Count Draculas teeth, the eye of cyclops, the Invisibles Mans intestines and many other strange things.  The highlight of which however must be getting to ask the worlds most un-identical identical twins questions, well you could not meet two identical twins who were so un-identical and both seem to be convinced the other is an imposter. Well they had me convinced and that is for sure

The pick you own meal from the darkened room of the beasts of the night was very popular indeed, I have never seen so many bat burgers being cooked at once and at a modest £5.45 plus fries I would say it was a bargain.

I was also very impressed with the tap dancing squirrels and the synchronized goats whose ice skating was as good as any I have ever seen.

I could go on and on and often do but Professor Charles Purlieus Humming-Birds Floating Circus of the Bizarre only pay me £2.50 and gave me a free burger and fries so I warned him he only gets the short review for that.  But if you want a memorable day out, one that will rival anything from Gnome Land to The Museum of Clouds then I recommend a visit.

Prices start at £6.37 for adults, dogs cost £4.00 and children £28.75. . . . Apparently Professor Charles Purlieus Humming-Bird is not keen on children as they will learn when they visit the adventure playground with its grumpy Gibbons and Piranha Fish