The Duke of Denmark and Doris the Dragon

The Slightly eccentric A to Z blogging adventure of unknown and rather unpopular Modern fairy tales

2013

D The Duke of Denmark and Doris the Dragon

Down in the depths of a dark dungeon in the Duke of Denmark’s Doman lived a rather dramatiC and delightful dragon called Doris; Doris the dragon liked to drink Diesel out of a dustbin with a draw (sorry straw). Each night the Duke would demand a knight descended into the dark dungeons to destroy the dragon called Doris; Doris the Dragon would dismember the duke’s knight, peel off the metal armour and eat the knight, thinking the Duke is very kind to send her tins of food every evening about dusk.  Then one evening Dick the village dimwit was dispatched to deal with Doris the Dragon and although he did not wish to descend the depths to the dark dungeon, he did.

He did not have armour and was rather distressed when he met Doris the Dragon who said “Hello do not delve in the dark damp doorways come and have some tinned meat and doughnuts”, Dick the Dimwit said “but its Dave the Dukes knight” and Doris the Dragon realised she had made a bit of a mistake AH DAMN said Doris as she devoured another bit of Dave. So she dictated a letter apologising for any distress and said she would dance at the Duke of Denmark’s palace and devote herself to the dukes defence as she had accidently devoured all the tinned meat (sorry Knights).

And they all lived happily ever after

A to Z 2012 Letter D

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The Crimson Castle, the Cat and the Canary

The Slightly eccentric A to Z blogging adventure of unknown and rather unpopular Modern fairy tales

2013

C The Crimson Castle, the Cat and the Canary

Crimson CASTLE is in the centre of the capital of the Crimson Kings crimson country where curious creatures call continuously in the countryside and creep about COLLECTING caterpillars. It is a very calm castle full if crumbling columns. The Crimson King known to his colleagues as King Colin has two cute pets he captured once on a crusade, they are a  CREAM canary and a cuddly cat. The CREAM canary and the cuddly cat live an idyllic life eating cake and crumpets.

 One day the CREAM canary and the cuddly cat were talking, and the canary said

“I do love cake and crumpets they are completely delicious”

But the cuddly cat sighed and said

“I like cake and crumpet but something is just not right”

 So the cream canary said “try some cucumber”

But the cuddly cat sighed and said

 “mmm well I just feel cucumber is not right for a cat . . . . sigh”

So the cream canary said “try some coffee and crisps”

But the cuddly cat sighed and said

 “mmm well I just feel coffee and crisps is not right for a cat . . . . sigh”

 

So the cream canary said “try some cheese and crackers”

 But the cuddly cat sighed and said

 “mmm well I just feel cheese and crackers is not right for a cat . . . . sigh”

So the cream canary said “try some coconut and Clementine”

But the cuddly cat sighed and said

 “mmm well I just feel coconut and Clementine is not right for a cat . . . . sigh”

The cream canary looked at the cuddly cat and the cuddly cat looked at the cream canary and the cream canary said “I do love cake and crumpets they are completely delicious”.

Then the cat had a thought and found something that was really very very very yummy. He was going to tell the cream canary but the Cream Canary was no where to be seen and even though the crimson king searched the kingdom, the cream canary was never seen again and the cuddly cat lived happily ever after.

The A to Z 2012 Letter C

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Bob and the three Biggish Brown Bears

The Slightly eccentric A to Z blogging adventure of unknown and rather unpopular Modern fairy tales

2013

B  Bob and the three Biggish Brown Bears

Back at the beginning of time there were three biggish Brown bears, Baby bear (Bert), Mummy Bear (Brenda) and Daddy Bear (Brian). One day their Breakfast was very hot, burningly hot. “Better Browse in the Bushes for a bit” said Brian the Biggest of the Biggish Brown Bears, and off they bounced (well baby bear Bounced). While they were Busy, a boy (Bob) broke into the house through the backdoor and found the bear’s breakfast which he bolted down even though it was still boiling hot. Having bolted breakfast Bob thought it best to barricade himself in the bedroom. On their return Brian, Brenda and Baby bear Bert found three empty blue bowls which should have been full of Borage (sorry Porridge). It was a bit of a bombshell for the three Biggish Brown Bears and they thought blow me, drank bottles of blueberry wine and went for a lie down. When they entered Baby bear Bert’s Bedroom; Bob was bouncing on Baby bear Bert’s bed, but bears are broody beasts and Brian the biggest of the Biggish Brown Bears ate Bob, bringing our rather beautiful if boring tale of the three Bears to a Brilliant end. OK Bob is a bit bashed and battered and full of Bites but he brought in on himself. 

The A to Z 2012 . . . Letter B

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King Alfonso the Architect and Princess Alice

The Slightly eccentric A to Z blogging adventure of unknown and rather unpopular Modern fairy tales

2013

A King Alfonso the Architect and Princess Alice

A long long time ago in the Albanian artisan town of Alexandria the aristocracy applauded the albino king, King Alfonso the Architect whose alluring arches were applied to all his amphitheatres and aqueducts with great approval. King Alfonso’s Aunt Annabel had an attractive daughter called Princess Alice who was rather aloof and who had the aristocracy wrapped around her finger. King Alfonso the Architect announced one afternoon in August that who ever could turn Aluminium into Gold using the astonishing powers of alchemy could marry Princess Alice. Alice abruptly argued aloud at one and all about such arrangements, and said that it was appalling and did not appeal at all. But once the king announces an announcement it is announced.

The Abyssinian Association of advanced alchemist’s interest was aroused by the announcement and the allure of absolute power was appealing. And as we all know the Abyssinian Automatic alabaster android of Abyssinia is an aficionado of the art of alchemy. King Alfonso the ARCHITECT had absolutely no advanced knowledge of the Abyssinian Association of advanced alchemist’s and had not anticipated the arrival of Albert the Abyssinian Automatic alabaster android at all.  Princess Alice was aghast and again argued aggressively about it to the Archbishop, but it was accepted by the Archbishop that the king’s word was absolute so if the Alabaster android made gold from aluminium then marriage it was.

 Albert the Abyssinian Automatic alabaster android smiled and rubbed acids and acorns on the aluminium ingot plus the arm of an armadillo and an anchovy from the Atlantic, said abracadabra, ate an apple and ping, bright shiny gold appeared. Princess Alice said AAAAAAAuuuuuuuucgghhhh and found herself walking down the aisle towards the archbishop. And before you could say Rumblestilskin was on her honeymoon in the Alps.

As it appens (sorry happens) Albert the Abyssinian Automatic alabaster android was a nice android and Albert and Alice lived appily (sorry happily) ever after 

The End

At this point I need to add a small but vital addition to the letter A you see without the letter A our ever so exciting fairytale for the letter Z could not exist (yes OK I have not even thought it up yet but like last year in the grand A to Z, I feel it is important to close the circle. Not that anyone noticed last year, well I think two did…….. 

A is for APPLE

Yes the apple is a fruit that grows on trees (I think), it might be green or red or green and red or even a sort of yellowish green. They are often used to make pies and are useful to hide drugs in that make princesses sleep for a very long time or until some interfering prince comes along and ruins things.

The A to Z... Letter A 2012