The CIA, MI6 and Monsters in Holes

Yesterday’s diary entry was all a bit of a rush and so I hope it made some sense, we had a lovely meal last night and were last to leave the restaurant which we normally are, in fact we always are. We knew they were keen for us to leave because one of them very helpful held the door open for us even before we stood up to go, but I think they now know that we tend to take our time eating but it is because we are busy discussing things of importance.

So last night we discussed gyroscopes, a theory that a person standing on a hard wooden floor weighs less when they stand on a thick carpet, and Mr Charlie was telling us of a friend you was having problems with a St Bernard (the large dog not the saint) standing on the roof of his house. Apparently it was not the dog that was a problem but all the people who would knock on his front door to tell him he had a St Bernard on the roof of his house; it seems the dog liked being on the roof.

And the preview at the gallery was good but there were quite a lot of people in when we went to look at the art so we did not stay too long, it is always tricky to look at art when the room is full of people.

 OK back to today it started sunny and almost not cold (please note I did say almost) which did mean we were out doing things like chasing monsters, digging holes to put monsters in, climbing trees to look for monsters, looking under large rocks for evidence of monsters, and taking photographic evidence of monsters. The one serious down side to this was I did not find a single monster or even any evidence of the monsters, it was also rather suspicious that the holes I dug, having been informed were a dead certainty to find evidence of the monsters were then filled in with new plants. Not that I thought it was a set up job to make me dig rather a large number of holes but I’m sure dad really could not get the wrong spot (for monsters) that many times.  Mr Jones says we are mad to believe in Monsters and all they are, are aliens from the far reaches of outer-space, and it is plain that the talk of monsters is a MI6 and CIA conspiracy to distract the public from trying to communicate with the aliens. It appears one of the many reasons he hunts Aliens in the nude is MI6 agents are never seen in the nude in a wood, this is something only done by people wishing to be friendly with aliens. At least Mr Jones agrees about Zombies and says this is another reason to hunt aliens in the nude, Zombies always run away when they see him all muddy and sneaking through the trees in the dark stark naked. Dad says that Mr Jones has got Zombies and the local bird watching society mixed up and one day he is in for a bit of a shock.

Right sorry distracted . . . . . . after a while it started to rain and we all ran in (not Mr Jones) and remained in because it was also getting colder all the time. I also have reason to believe Wales won an important rugby match against England today but I did not watch it and don’t know the score and am not one hundred percent sure that Wales won but the indicators are that they did, so all I can say is COME ON SCOTLAND .  . . . . . . . . .HAH HAH HA HAH HAH HAH AH HAH AH HAH ah hah ah hah ah ahhhahah hha

Mum just said IDIOT.

The paperless society and bi-planes

Tonight may or may not be a two part adventure because in a short time I am off to a preview at an art gallery and then heading onwards to have an Indian meal at the Indian restaurant in Monty. So time is of the essence, I am not sure what that means and if I had more time I might even look it up but I don’t so . . . . . .  Back to the point.

For reasons I do not understand me and my class were told we are going to use a fancy all new online database that will make our school paperless, I see the demise of the paper plane which would be terrible, it’s a tradition handed down through generations of bored and distracted children. What will become of the traditional Wright’s double fold bi-plane using two sheets of A4 quality 80gm paper, these skills are not written down (excuse the pun) but need to be shown to the new first years at the start of the academic year. Without paper the skill of this paper plane as it glides across the class room to your mate with the answer to question six in the maths exam will be lost within a single generation. We need traditions like this to continue or the world is doomed and becomes a sadder place.

AH DAMN that is not entirely what I was planning to write about and time has sort of run out so I better go…….. I reckon I might have five minutes to draw a picture so if it looks a bit Rolf Harris can you tell what it is yet . . . . . .its a time thing.    

The Pope and a chainsaw

It’s a funny old world there we all were yesterday watching the Pope become Pope, while on the subject of the Pope I was wondering about the Popes hat and his clothes because maybe they have to elect a Pope the right size for all the formal wear that goes with the post. After all you can’t just nip to a shop and buy a Popes outfit off the shelf so although all these things look like it’s all very spontaneous maybe it’s less so than we think. It would be interesting to know the height of all the Popes and what shoe size they are, and so on.

OK no that is a diversion from what I was going to say, I was going to say that yesterday I was watching the Pope (although not understanding a word) and today I have been using a chainsaw to chop logs. Now I need to point out this is purely a coincidence and that there is absolutely no link between the two events no matter how suspicious that might sound to you all. 

As we know one of the Popes middle names is Mario so I think it might only be a matter of time until the Pope-Mobile is renamed the Mario-Cart . . . . . Sorry back to the chainsaw, it is said that you get to warm up chopping logs for the fire then get warm again stacking the logs and finally get warm burning the logs, which is why dad said I was very lucky to be allowed to gain so much heat from our logs. The Pope (sorry dad) also says he who blunts the chainsaw, sharpens the chainsaw, as it happens the Pope might also say it because I can’t speak Latin, but I suspect the Pope does not say it.

I am also helping the Ghost Writer fix a computer because he says there is an old saying which goes . . . . . .You should never Byte the Ram that feeds you . . . . . although I cant see the logic in that myself  . . . . HAH HAH HHAHAHH hah ah ha hahahah aahhah ahhah hah ahh ahhah ah ha hah aha ha ha ha hahahhaha hahahahahahaha hahahahaha.

And I also have other things to do which involve putting some music on a CD for a friend so I might be off doing things like that tonight, therefore this will be your lot for today. Tomorrow is very busy to, and in the evening we are off to have a meal with Mr Charlie and Miss Jane so tomorrows diary entry might be shorter that today’s, which appears to be about average  . . . . . . . .PHEW  . . . . . . . . . . 

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Pope Frances, a seagull and the laws of gravity

Snowflakes today but more of that in a minute because I happened to be watching a bit of the news while eating some food, I know, not like the old days, but once things warm up I will eat back in the dinning room as normal. Anyway I noticed that there is a new Pope and although I got it right saying it would be a South American Pope, my money was on the Brazilian chap Pele (I think) I thought Pope Pele sounded OK. As it happens the Pope has now called himself Pope Francis, because his real name is Mario which would have lead to all sorts of problems with computer games. It would be hugely confusing to have a Pope Mario the Pope, and Mario Pope the popular computer game (available at all good online stores shortly), I will say one thing for the new Pope he smiled at least twice when he appeared in front of the masses so that’s a good start, although I did not understand a single word he said so it is just as well the dog speaks Latin. However I am sure the dog was lying when he said that the new Pope said all dogs must get fresh bones everyday to chew or else. 

I mentioned snowflakes didn't I, and I don’t want to linger on the weather but they were floating down gently from the sky during the science lesson and this lead to a discussion about gravity. You see if you drop a feather and a seagull in a vacuum at the same time they will both hit the ground at the same time despite the fact a seagull is many times heavier than a feather. If you do this experiment in air dropping them off the school roof as we did the seagull will fly away and ruin a really good experiment, so we used a goat and sure enough the goat hit the ground before the feather, it is to do with the density of the air and density of the goat.

However the teacher says that the accepted science is that gravity has the same effect on all objects and is a constant, so all objects will hit the ground at the same time regardless of weight where there is no atmosphere is in fact not true. What he says is there is a small but exponential time delay caused by inertia, so say the moon and a feather dropped at the same time would result in the feather hitting the earth before the moon did. As it happens this is an easy experiment to test because if you drop a feather it will definitely hit the Earth before the moon does, I tried the experiment with the moon and a seagull but am still waiting to record the outcome. The dog is interfering with my experiment because he has put sardines on the lawn which as far as I can tell will contaminate my results, I bet that Isaac Newton’s, mum never went and made apple pies with his apple experiment.

AH mum has said IDIOT, you see when you are at the culling (sorry cutting)  edge of science people say you are mad……..

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