The sun never sets on the British Empire ....... Much.

There is an old saying ‘The sun never sets on the British Empire’, this is not the original saying it was changed a long time ago for very good reasons but to no avail. As we all know today is the 4^th July or Independence day in the USA, the day us British thought to ourselves you can have just too many McDonald's and KFC’s; OK then, off you go but no victimizing those nice Red Indians or Buffalo.  And no shooting rockets at the moon either.

Up to that point the British Empire had been huge almost every country in the world, ok not really Canada they were always a bit French and not Tibet, their leader was a Llama  and they say Mmmmmmmmm a lot so us British thought we would leave them alone.  

Then with time every country left saying “YAH SUSKS BOO we don’t like YOU” leaving just Britain and Australia, and the Australians only stay so they can beat us at cricket and because they know the Queen is too old now to go there.

This brings us back to today and that old saying ‘The sun never sets on the British Empire’ you see the original saying was ‘The rain never stops in the British Empire’. But you see that saying is as valid today as it was way back; only the British Empire really only consists of Britain so it now means that somewhere in Britain is always wet. So to commemorate Independence Day, the 4th July it has rained almost all day here, so all I can say is….. Happy Birthday America, but would you like some rain we have loads.  Changing the saying to ‘The sun never sets on the British Empire’ was a foolish attempt to improve the weather in Britain by the powers that be…

On a different subject I have sawn some wood, drilled some holes and painted some wall, I had thought I was doing a great job of DIY until the headmaster said he did not want his desk cut in half, a three foot hole in the wall and what wall was left painted bright pink. I did explain that a man and a woman outside his office told me that it needed doing, but apparently they were George’s parents (from class 13TA) who was eaten by the goat the other day.  Still it is almost the summer holidays so the headmaster can get a man in to paint his office grey again if he wants but I have told him the Ghost Writer will not approve.

Ooooooo and we picked our first raspberries today despite the rain.

There may be a few errors in my history of events but they are minor and have no overall effect on the outcome (it is still raining).....

.

The Olympic Torch, as safe as Bobs Diamonds....

It has been a lovely day today, when I say lovely I am not referring to the weather as it is still wet and grey although not cold so that’s OK. Yes we went off to see Auntie Karen and Ian the Musical Hat Maker, rock hero and very nice chap. It was as always really great to see them; they live in the rolling hills of Wales in a house full of twists and turns and steps and small crevices full of interesting things. They have lived there for a long long time so all of the twists and turns and steps and small crevices full of interesting things are multilayered with interesting things, which is the best way to keep interesting things in my opinion.  Mr Ian was showing me his internet radio which is WELL COOL, he even tuned into the local Icelandic radio station which no one could understand because they were all speaking in Icelandic. But I think I will need to get one of these radios as radio reception here is not great even for the basic stations.  

  

 

Mr Ian the Musical Hat Maker is famous for his happy smiling face as he whizzes round his designer kitchen with its myriad of cooking options (electricity, oil, gas, coal, nuclear and the radar range) and threw together a rather yummy lunch of loads of different things although mainly vegetarian. However he did have mini scotch eggs in honour of his Scottish heritage and wafer thin ham that required a special technique to pick up in honour of Auntie Karen’s heritage, none of us quite got the hang of picking it up, however we still ate it all.

Mr Ian then told us tales of things like his attempt to set fire to the local member of parliament with the Olympic torch when it passed by the nearby town of Welshpool. However he was stopped by several large men on motorbikes who were smiling and waving to the crowd.  In the end he got away when a man from the bank tried to get the motorcycle Olympic torch outriders to invest a small amount of money in a high yield investment scheme which he assured them was as safe as buying diamonds from his mate Bob…….. AH

He also was telling us that he had an imposter on the internet once who said that he was Ian the Musical Hat Maker, But as I said, that is mad why would anyone pretend to be someone else on the internet…….. Even mum and Auntie Karen said IDIOT?      

Auntie Karen has started making hats, not music hats like Mr Ian but felt hats and they are rather COOL. She plans to wear them when she plays on stage with her band Hoots which sounds a bit like Hats (a bit), as I have said in the past Auntie Karen plays the saxophone. So they are both very musical although Mr Ian rather laments the good old days when songs were songs and everyone had to be a good musician. But with a million radio stations on his hi-tech internet radio he can still find a few things to listen too, even his own songs from time to time.

Anyway Auntie Karen and Mr Ian thank you for a lovely day it was lovely to see you as always, we hope you like the gooseberries, red currants and salad from the garden….  

.


anthropomorphic saxophonist robot..... 
This is a late addition for my very good friend Mr ESB

George and the Goat. The European Union and old traditions

With it being July now we are ever so close to the end of yet another school year and so today was the day the school mascot was dressed up in his ceremonial outfit for the ritual feeding of the beast.  Yes today was the day when every pupil in the school had to look the school goat in the eye before the end of the school year sacrificial feast.  It is not exactly as you might be expecting because all the pupils are lined up and the goat proudly walks down the line looking for any small weakness in the pupils. Eventually someone will crack and they become the goat’s ceremonial feast for the day.

Of course some of the parents can complain and the local authority have said they are considering banning the practice, apparently we are the last school in Britain that still sacrifices a pupil at the end of the year for their goat to eat. The Headmaster has blamed it on the European Union and says these old traditions are all dying out, a bit like George from Class 13TA who made the mistake of sneezing as the goat was passing him. It’s his parents fault they should never have sent George to our school knowing he is allergic to goats.

Esmeralda is not happy she says once the goat has finished eating George (it may take a couple of days George was a big lad) he will be too heavy for her steam powered catapult. But right now I don’t thing the goat cares. A small word of warning; never stand alone with a school goat in a dark alley unless you are absolutely sure it has eaten….

Dad went off to Shrewsbury today to get some wood for my next project but he says the roads were chaos; he was not sure what was going on because we do live a bit out on a limb (not Georges limb). It appears the A49 was closed and so all the cars had to find alternative routes south which included a chunk of them heading in our direction. Our little twisty roads are not designed for loads of traffic and huge trucks so dad was well spaced out by the time he made it home.  Apparently the dog lost his bet with dad, as the dog had bet dad that the goat would pick me this year, I was wondering why the dog threw a pot of barbecue sauce on my head this morning. Which is why I stood next to George just in case; you see despite all appearances I am not an IDIOT or dinner (HAH HAHH HAHH HAH hah hah hah ha hah ahah ha)

.

Art, 1956, useful stuff and cows

We headed off to Monty this morning to see the artwork of Mr Edmonds one of the founders of the 56 group which was so called because it was formed in 1956. In recent years it has become more well known and is now recognized as one of the very few Welsh based art movements in its own right. We have always said you should try and buy original art if you can, and so we do. And although you might think gosh loads of money it is not true, well not always, as with most things some will rip you off if they can but not if you have a huge dog and a flame thrower.  Anyway Mr Edmonds was exhibiting in a pop up Gallery so we went to look as he is a good friend and a jolly good artist.

We now have two little painting of Venice to hang on the wall with the other painting that hangs on the wall. The dog says the pictures of Venice will remind us of the British Summer as all the roads are flooded and the best way to shop in the big out of town supermarket is in a gondola. The dog has also added that the betting shop is full of punters (HAH HAHAH HHAHAHH HAHHAH HAH HAH HAHHAHH hahaha hah hah ahah ha).

I spent the afternoon sorting boxes out from when we moved and moving them from one place to another in order to do some work so they can be moved to another place. Some say we should just get rid of the boxes full of stuff but it is useful stuff, it is not our fault that we can never find the right useful bit at the time the useful bit would be useful. We just find the useful stuff that is not useful at the time we need the thing that is useful, so all those other useful things are of no use at that time. I’m sure there must be a theory about the quantity of useful things calculated against the ability to find them when you need them.

Other things have happened today but I will go now and not bore you with other stuff….. Hang on I will bore you with one more thing. I went and had a chat with the cows in the field next to us, they like a bit of a chat people don’t talk to cows much these days. But the cows were away again for a few days then they arrived back just a couple of days ago. Nothing odd about that only we have never seen them leave or arrive yet in the six or seven months we have lived here, so how are they doing that. Maybe Mr Jones is right they are in cahoots with aliens……

I spy with my little eye ME

Or another ME