The Hunchbacked Claw Monster and the hand

Not sure what got me yesterday, but my hand is very itchy and swollen today, there is evidence that something has bitten it several times although I never felt a thing at the time. The dog recons it is the rare pygmy vampire that lives on hedgehogs, moles and rabbits; and at some point yesterday or last night the pygmy vampires mistook my hand for a tarantula spider or a rat. I did say my hand does not look like a rat but everyone just looked away and sniggered a lot? ......... …….. .. NOT FAIR.  

I also somehow pulled a muscle in my neck so the dog says that I now look like the famous Hunchbacked  Claw Monster with its huge claw that can snip the head off a lion in one go.  In fact the dog sent me next door to prove that I should be able to snip the head off a Lion. As I discovered a bit later snipping a Lilo in half when the man is sunbathing in the pool on it does not count….

Today is a prime example of classic British weather, we have suffered rain storms and flooding for weeks then all of a sudden twenty four hours passes and it is roasting, it is so hot we all have to run for cover. It is not easy to run for cover with a huge swollen hand as it drags you sideways and you go round in circles and I was not happy that the dog and the cats decided to use its shadow to keep cool. Particularly as they then forced me to sit on the sunny side of my own hand.

We have had a few visitors today who said they had been looking on the internet and thought they would pop round to have a little look at my hand as someone had said it looked like a rat that had swallowed a party balloon and was very amusing.  No one would say exactly who had been saying such things but I noticed the dog sniggering a lot and smiling at everyone with his huge pointy teeth and red eyes. The dog really should not smile at folk because he frightens them. Anyway I think it is the dog trying to make me look like an IDIOT.   

Mum is not happy with dad and says he must stop playing with his weather machine, but dad says a mysterious man has given him loads of money to make sure it remains sunny for the Olympics. Although as mum points out agents from an unspecified country have also given dad loads of money to insure that the weather during the Olympics is rotten. Dad has pointed out this is Britain and it should be easy to do both, all he needs to do is some fine tweaking to his machine. He did say if I didn’t have a hand like an inflated rat I would be able to help him but has said I could held by using it to hammer in some fence posts …… NOT FAIR again……  And it appears the dog has hired my hand out as a bouncy castle and there is a gang of grumpy parents demanding it is delivered to their party….. Apparently there is only one solution according to mum so I am off now…… The dog says I need to hum so I sound like a pump….  

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